9 relationship problems that have stemmed from the internet

With the spread of the Internet, our relationship has changed: we began to assess the degree of liking of a partner by likes, monitor his digital fidelity and change in two clicks. Here is a list of the phenomena that have appeared thanks to the development of technology and can give the feeling that you are already living in the "Black Mirror". Some of them are well known, and some have appeared recently, and it is unclear whether they will be able to take root.

1. Gatsbing

Have you ever posted photos, videos, or suggestions to go out on social media over the weekend, hoping that a specific person will notice the post? It is likely that as a result, anyone else answered you, but not he or she. Nevertheless, people often turn to one person through public records, sometimes without even hoping for anything specific.

This demeanor model from Australia Matilda Dods dubbed gatsby, in honor of the protagonist of the novel by Francis Scott Fitzgerald "The Great Gatsby". Jay Gatsby threw gorgeous parties every week on his huge estate with the sole purpose of attracting the attention of a lover who was married to another. So meaningful photos and Instagram stories may not hint at anything, but may be part of a cunning plan.

2. Orbiting

This term, coined by columnist Anna Iovin, means a situation in which people follow someone and leave likes, but do not write messages or comment. That is, they simply remain "in orbit."

In some cases, orbiting can help maintain a sense of connection with old acquaintances, even if you haven't actually seen each other for several years. Sometimes it's a way to keep an eye on interesting strangers. Strictly speaking, we are in such a relationship with most of the people who are subscribed to in social networks - hardly anyone really maintains rich virtual communication with several hundred people.

3. Micro-changes

The term was coined by psychologist Martin Graff of the University of South Wales. This is what the scientist calls manifestations of online flirting and hints of infidelity on social networks. A simple like or message by itself does not mean anything and can hardly be equated with cheating. However, in modern netiquette there are unspoken rules, the violation of which may indicate that a person has plans for someone other than his partner.

Among these signs of “micro-change” is putting likes under someone’s old photos (to find them, you need to scroll for a long time) or the fact that the person in the relationship still has a dating application on the phone. In addition, pages of people you visit most often appear in the history of searches on social networks, and a suspicious partner may start to worry about this.

4. Hosting

This word comes from the English ghost ("ghost"). They describe a situation in which people disappear without explanation and do not answer questions about the reasons. Simply put, this is when communication is faced with harsh ignorance.

The situation is unpleasant, because it makes the one who is "guest" to be at a loss in conjecture - but what actually happened? Maybe something is wrong with me? In each specific case, the reason will be different, but one cannot but admit: breaking off the relationship instead of going into explanations is the easiest way. Although, of course, the most ugly.

Ghosting has long gone beyond social networks and personal relationships: the press often uses this term when it comes to a person who quit his job without prior explanation, just stopping going there.

5. Hosting

Hosting in a superlative degree: a situation in which a person does not just disappear, but does it with special cynicism - after vows and assurances that your relationship is special. This term (probably derived from the word most - "the most") was coined by journalist Tracy Moore. According to her, when bridging, before disappearing, you will be showered with compliments and told about an unprecedented kinship of souls.

When asked why people do this, coach and dating expert Nick Notas said that flattery is still one of the easiest ways to generate interest: "Usually, they want a casual connection, but don't dare to be honest." So, if someone is scattered in excessive compliments and rushes things, coming up with names for children, it is better to clarify, and not a way to get non-binding sex. You might want the same thing, so why lie?

6. Stashing

From the word stash - "to hide". A guy or a girl does not introduce loved ones and does not post your joint photos? Your partner may be shy about you. The phenomenon is not new. A hundred years ago, young people and girls from society preferred not to introduce family and friends to young ladies and boyfriends "outside their circle". In an era when social prejudice is almost done away with, this behavior can indicate that you are not perceived as a candidate for a serious relationship.

In order not to become a victim of your own paranoia, in this case (as, indeed, in many others) it makes sense to ask questions directly - in words through your mouth. People can have a variety of reasons to behave in one way or another, and the best way to clarify the situation is frank and honest conversations.

7. FOMO

The phenomenon concerns to a greater extent relationships not with others, but with oneself. From English, the abbreviation is translated as "fear of missing out", fear of being on the sidelines. Social media is constantly giving more ideas than you can implement, and communicating more information than you really need to know.

As a result, people experience anxiety called FOMO. There are so many events that others attend, so many interesting projects, and you are not a part of it! However, being everywhere at once is impossible. So sometimes it's better to just stay home and read a book. Moreover, social networks do not create a realistic picture of what is happening, showing only the best moments. Perhaps that lecture was boring, and the participants in the party then suffered a hangover all day.

8. Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is the same school bully tactics that tease and torture the victim, but now not in the classroom, but on social networks. These can be insults, inconsistent public disclosure of personal information, or even the creation of websites and pages where you are humiliated and insulted.

Particular cases of cyberbullying include trolling (provocative mockery known to all), griefing (harassing other players in online games to prevent them from enjoying the game) and inconsistent sexting (sending porn content to people who did not ask for it at all). How to protect yourself and punish those responsible, you can read in the Lifehacker's special project.

9. Cyberstalking

Stalking as such is the pursuit of a person. In some countries, it is officially recognized as an offense, but in Russia, the punishment for it has not been established. Often, stalkers spy on former partners or objects of attraction, trying to maintain the illusion of control or demanding attention. In rare cases, stalkers can be people who are literally obsessed with a person with whom they are not even really familiar.

Cyberstalking is the same stalking, only networked. Its signs can be considered surveillance in all social networks, alarmingly frequent visits to someone's page and intrusive messages that do not stop even after the person has made it clear that he does not want to communicate.

On the one hand, by posting information about ourselves in the public space, we must be prepared for the fact that we will be on public display. On the other hand, we cannot be sure of the honesty of the intentions of strangers, and network harassment is potentially dangerous. Therefore, it is best to be careful with the personal information we share with the Internet.

While many of the words in question sound new and ridiculous, psychologists say the terms for feeling and relational nuance are very useful. In the book "" psychologist Lisa Fedelman Barrett introduces the term "emotional granularity" - the ability to recognize your experiences by naming them.

People who are good at distinguishing their mental experiences from physical states and do not confuse, say, anger with fear, have a better understanding of what is happening to them. The same can be said for social situations. To define is to come closer to understanding. Or, at the very least, it’s relieved to be sure that you don’t have such a problem.