Where do relationship trust problems come from and how to get it back

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

An apology does not always help to make amends, and the process of rebuilding trust can take months or even years.

Strong relationships are always built on trust. It doesn't matter how willing we are to open up to other people. If trust is lost, our inner sense of security is compromised. We begin to doubt ourselves and our partner, his honesty, feelings, motives, actions.

Lies and secrets affect relationships not only with a partner, but also with family, friends, close people. We begin to build walls of mistrust, hoping to protect ourselves. But this is not the only problem.

How trust issues manifest

Mistrust

It can be difficult for us to open up to other people for several reasons.

If a person has experienced betrayal in a past relationship, they may be particularly prone to stop trusting others. Unprocessed anger and pain can make us look for a double bottom where there is none, or subconsciously attract unreliable partners.

Sometimes mistrust starts in the family. If relatives abuse alcohol or drugs, or there are many secrets in the family that lie and are silent about, the child may stop trusting not only his parents, but also his own understanding of reality.

Usually, dad and mom do not talk about what is happening in the hope of protecting the children. But the opposite is true - a lie confuses a child who feels that adults are not saying something.

Sometimes parents deliberately hide the truth, trying to impose their vision of the situation or hide guilt and shame for what happened. Some dads and moms may even blame children for family failures. Such situations further undermine the child's confidence in the world around him.

At the same time, even the most seemingly small things can negatively affect the understanding of trust - when parents do not fulfill their promises, do not take their child out of kindergarten or school on time, come up with a constantly changing system of punishments.

Indifference, family cheating, physical or emotional abuse - all of this also undermines the inner sense of trust in the world.

Excessive trust

Facing abuse and psychological trauma leads not only to mistrust, but also to excessive trust. Some people even experience both of these scenarios.

There are other factors due to which a person begins to trust others too much and which can manifest themselves both individually and together. Among them are the idealization of a partner, dependence on relationships, or the desire for them to be trusting.

Despite the fact that the family can seriously undermine trust, the child's desire to open up to others does not go anywhere. This subconscious longing for a real strong relationship results in the person projecting trust onto the wrong people, trying to create an almost familial sense of closeness.

Add to this dependence on relationships and the desire to care - and now we deny the obvious arguments and signals and do our best to continue to trust the person who constantly undermines our trust.

In addition, when parents deny the reality of the child, he stops paying attention to his feelings and intuition. All this leads to excessive trust, especially in relation to loved ones.

How to regain the trust of a loved one

Unfortunately, you cannot go back in time and change family relationships. But if we have betrayed or violated the trust of a loved one, it is still possible to reverse the situation, although it is difficult. The main thing is to approach the issue as gently and carefully as possible.

Broken trust cannot be restored with simple apologies, and explanations and excuses can make the situation even worse. There are seven steps to try to get a close relationship back:

1. Listen carefully to your partner.
2. Let his feelings pass through you.
3. Ask what you can do to never betray his trust again.
4. Try to do everything possible to regain the trust of a loved one.
5. Take responsibility for your actions: Don't blame others or ignore problems.
6. Apologize sincerely.
7. Continue to engage in open and honest dialogue.

The last point is especially important. It is worth asking your partner how best to make amends and what to do to prevent this situation from happening again. These questions will help your loved one feel that their emotions and needs are respected.

When it comes to serious betrayal, you have to discuss the relationship and decide if it can be saved and how to do it.

If it is not possible to regain trust through dialogue, the problem repeats itself, or it concerns treason, it is worth contacting a specialist. He will help partners open up to each other and find the source of the problem. Seeking help outside of a relationship is not a weakness. On the contrary, it shows a willingness to work on an alliance and strengthen it.

Loss of trust is a real test of relationships. At first, it may seem that the partner has forgiven and everything has returned to normal. In fact, a loved one may still be tormented and worried about what happened. It can take months or even years to fully heal. Be there and help your loved one heal their wounds.