Non-verbal body language: focus on the shoulders

As a child, my grandmother never tired of repeating: “Straighten up, keep your back straight! Expand your shoulders, chin higher, neck straight. Look at yourself in the mirror - you're a girl! Of course, my grandmother knew little about our non-verbal body language. It was just that she was taught as a child in the distant 30s of the XX century at the Institute for Noble Maidens. But on the other hand, she perfectly understood what impression a person with a beautiful posture makes on others.

When we talk about non-verbal body language, most often we pay attention to the face and hands, less often to the legs. On the other hand, we almost never look at the shoulders, because we simply do not know that they can betray fear, insecurity, depression and even lies. Communication psychology is based on non-verbal body language.

Joe Navarro, a former FBI employee, shares his observations, which over twenty-five years of service have accumulated in several books;)

Force

As I said, Joe Navarro worked in the FBI for a long time and dealt not only with ordinary criminals, but also with psychopaths. During conversations with prisoners, he observed their behavior - facial expressions and gestures. His mother was as wise as my grandmother, and always demanded from her son a straight back and straightened shoulders. Women naturally have a positive reaction to men with a V-shaped figure (broad shoulders, narrow hips). In nature, this means that he has excellent health and remarkable physical strength - a sort of alpha male.

A person with a straight back and wide, straightened shoulders looks strong and seems even slightly taller than he is.

One of the psychopathic criminals once told Navarro: “Silverbacks don’t go after silverbacks, they go after everything else.” (silverbacks are alpha males in gorillas with silver fur on their backs) - that is, victims are usually chosen from the weak and insecure. Straightened shoulders are a sign of confidence and strength. And even if they are not as wide as we would like, still a person with a confident gait and straightened shoulders is much less likely to become a victim than a stooped person with lowered shoulders and a drooping head. This kind is almost a direct invitation for the bad guys.

Depression

Look at a child who has returned from school after serving a sentence or with not very good grades. What does he look like? Usually, a stooped back and drooping shoulders are added to a lowered gaze. This unpleasant state passes rather quickly (until the first interesting cartoon) and the child is again cheerful and cheerful - his eyes are burning, his shoulders are straightened! People with protracted depression can be in a similar position for much longer - days, weeks, and even months. Their shoulders are always lowered, they practically do not move them. They look as if they are barely holding onto the skeleton and can fall off if the person makes at least one sharp movement.

Lure

While men use their straightened shoulders to show their strength and confidence, women use this part of the body to lure men. Oriental dancers, dancers at the carnival in Brazil - they all actively use their shoulders. Can you imagine a dancer at a Brazilian carnival with her shoulders dropped and immobilized? Open shoulders attract men, and women actively use this without even knowing it. One of the striking examples, in my opinion, is the movement of Marilyn Monroe!

If a girl is not confident in herself, in a dress or blouse that reveals her shoulders, she will feel uncomfortable and, most likely, will begin to slouch.

Lie?

Since we barely pay attention to the shoulders, their movements are the hardest to control. If you ask a person about something that he does not know, what will he do with the answer? He will shrug his shoulders, lifting them up a little. This gesture means more uncertainty than a lie. That is, the person is not sure, does not know the correct or exact answer.

During interviews with witnesses, Joe Navarro noticed that if a person is not entirely sure of the accuracy of his answer, he will say yes, but at the same time he will slightly raise at least one shoulder.

The same is done by patients who, due to certain reasons, are not satisfied with the prescribed medication (for example, after taking it, they have stomach problems). When doctors ask them if they are taking the medication they have been prescribed, they answer in the affirmative, but with a slight shrug. If you notice this gesture and ask them leading questions, it turns out that when taking these drugs they have certain difficulties and they decided to abandon them or found an alternative on the advice of friends.

If you ask a colleague if he has time to complete the report before the end of the week, then most likely you will receive an affirmative answer with a slight shrug and the phrase "most likely." And if you decide to ask in more detail, it may well turn out that "… most likely I will have time, but I have two small children who are sick, so …" So, maybe, I will not have time.

Children have less control over their bodies and, most likely, when they answer in the affirmative to a question to which they are not at all sure, they will shrug both shoulders, and very energetically (some even begin to shake them).

If, when answering a question, a person makes an implicit movement with at least one shoulder, this does not mean at all that he is lying on purpose. Most likely, he is simply not entirely sure of his answer and, if you ask him in more detail, you can find out many interesting points.

In any case, a straight back and straightened shoulders give a confident look to any person, regardless of their width. I will not tire of repeating that our inner state and the outer are linked by an inseparable chain. And even if you feel uncertainty and fear, you just have to straighten your shoulders and raise your head, as these unpleasant sensations will pass, and those around you will look at you in a completely different way. It may not work right away, but with a little practice it will definitely work out.