Table of contents:
- 1. Do not be afraid to be imperfect
- 2. Talk less, listen more
- 3. Don't gossip
- 4. Use gestures
- 5. Make eye contact
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 06:26
What to do to please people and lead them.
Charisma is not a gift that is or is not. The ability to like people can be mastered, says Vanessa van Edwards, founder of the Science of People laboratory, which studies human behavior. It is enough to acquire five habits.
1. Do not be afraid to be imperfect
Psychologist Richard Weissman conducted a study in which two actresses sold a blender to shopping mall customers. The first speaker gave a wonderful presentation and prepared a flawless cocktail for the audience. The second actress also did everything perfectly, but at the same time, she allegedly accidentally forgot to close the blender lid, and the contents splashed on her.
The "clumsy" woman was rated prettier by customers and sold more blenders. Weissman concluded that the vulnerability humanized the actress and increased her influence on the audience.
Van Edwards suggests accepting your imperfections, because they help people like you. Just be yourself.
2. Talk less, listen more
“My uncle once said that I have two ears and one mouth and these numbers should correspond to how much I speak and listen to,” says Vanessa van Edwards. According to her, charismatic people support this ratio of 2: 1 in conversation.
The easiest way to talk less and listen more is to ask clarifying questions.
It is worth trying to find out the details of what he is doing, the interlocutor thinks. This will not only help you get to know him better, but also create the illusion of closeness.
3. Don't gossip
There is a scientific principle called spontaneous transfer of qualities. When you talk badly about someone, people associate the negative traits of that person with you. Therefore, you should not call someone narrow-minded or stupid if you do not want to be considered the same.
However, this principle also works in the opposite direction. Pick someone you admire and talk about how wonderful they are. For example, you can do this when introducing someone to each other. At the same time, you will help your acquaintances: they may not be able to boast of their achievements, but there is no need for you to be ashamed.
4. Use gestures
As part of the research, Vanessa van Edwards and her colleagues analyzed thousands of hours of TED talks and found that the most popular speakers used non-verbal ways to convey information. This is primarily about gestures. In the most watched videos, presenters gestured twice as much as their less successful counterparts.
Hands are an indicator of trust. Keep them in plain sight, or better support your words with gestures.
5. Make eye contact
Research shows that people who make eye contact with the other person make much better connections with them. Eye contact is established if you can remember the color of the other person's eyes. So it is better not to be distracted by the phone and other irritants during a conversation.