1875 Gentleman's Code - Rules to Remember Today

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The concept of the word "gentleman" has changed and developed over time, going from the designation of a representative of the certainly high class to just a well-mannered, balanced and imperturbable person who adheres to certain rules of behavior. This phenomenon became especially widespread in England in the 19th century, laying the foundation for stable associations of this word with images of mustachioed men in high top hats and tailcoats. But, of course, the main distinguishing feature of a gentleman was not clothes and a hat, but a strict adherence to the principles of the so-called "gentleman's code".

We want to introduce you to the basic rules of communication for gentlemen that came to us from that era. Some of them will seem ridiculous today, while others, on the contrary, are completely relevant. First published in 1875 in A Gentleman's Guide to Etiquette by Cecil B. Hartley.

1. Even if you are sure that your opponent is completely wrong, lead the discussion calmly, express arguments and counter-arguments without getting personal. If you see that the interlocutor is adamant in his delusion, then deftly transfer the conversation to another subject, leaving him the opportunity to save face, and you to avoid anger and irritation.
2. Have a strong political conviction, if you like. But do not push them out anyway, and under no circumstances force other people to agree with you. Listen calmly to other opinions on politics and do not get caught up in violent arguments. Let the other person think that you are a bad politician, but do not give him a reason to doubt that you are a gentleman..
3. Never interrupt someone who is speaking.… Even simply specifying the wrong date can be impolite if no one asked you to. It is even worse to finish his thought for a person or to rush him in any way. Listen to the end of an anecdote or story, even those you already know.
4. The height of bad manners is distraction while talking to your watch, phone or notebook. Even if you're tired and bored, don't show it.
5. Never try to prove your case with a raised voice, arrogance, or derogatory language. Be always kind and frank, free from any dictatorship.
6. Never, unless, of course, you were asked to do this, do not talk about your own business or profession in society. Generally pay less attention to your person.
7. A gentleman with real intelligence and culture is usually modest. He may feel, being in the company of ordinary people, that he is intellectually superior to those around him, but he will not seek to show his superiority over them. He will not seek to touch upon topics in which the interlocutors do not have the appropriate knowledge. Everything he says is always marked by courtesy and respect for the feelings and opinions of others..
8. No less important than the ability to speak well, the ability to listen with interest. It is this that makes a person an excellent conversationalist and distinguishes a person from a good society.
9. Never listen to a conversation between two people that is not meant for you. If they are so close that you cannot help but hear them, you can be decorous and simply move to another place.
10. Try to be as short and to the point as possible.… Avoid lengthy distractions and off-topic comments.
11. If you listen to flattery, then you must also open the gates to stupidity and overconfidence.
12. When talking about your friends, don't compare them to each other. Talk about the merits of each, but do not try to enhance the merits of one by opposing the vices of the other.
13. Avoid any subject in the conversation that could be traumatic for the absent. A gentleman will never slander or listen to slander.
14. Even a witty person becomes tiresome and ill-mannered when he tries to completely absorb the attention of the company.
15. Avoid too frequent use of quotes and thoughts of the great. As a seasoning for food, they can brighten up the conversation, but too many spoils the dish.
16. Avoid pedantry. This is not a sign of intelligence, but stupidity.
17. Speak your native language correctly, at the same time, do not be too much of a supporter of the formal correctness of phrases.
18. Never comment if others make mistakes in their speech. Paying attention with a word or other action to such mistakes of the interlocutor is a sign of bad manners.
19. If you are an expert or scientist, avoid using technical terms. This is bad taste because many will not understand them. If, however, you accidentally use such a word or phrase, it is an even greater mistake to rush to explain its meaning right away. Nobody will thank you for such an emphasis on their ignorance.
20. Never try to play the role of a jester in the company.because very quickly you will become the "funny person" for parties. This role is unacceptable for a true gentleman. Strive to ensure that your interlocutors laugh with you, but not at you.
21. Avoid bragging … Talking about your money, connections, opportunities is very bad taste. In the same way, you cannot be proud of your closeness with outstanding people, even if it does take place. The constant emphasis on "my friend, Governor X" or "my close acquaintance, President Y" is pompous and unacceptable.
22. Do not seek to give your image excessive depth and sophistication, contemptuously refusing cheerful conversations, jokes and entertainment. Try to act in accordance with the society in which you are, if this does not contradict other rules of the gentleman.
23. It is completely rude, indecent and stupid to insert quotes, expressions and terms in a foreign language into your speech.
24. If you feel that you are starting to get angry in a conversation, then either turn to another topic or shut up. In the heat of passion, you can say words that you would never use in a calm state of mind, and for which you will then bitterly regret.
25. “Never talk about a rope in the presence of a person whose relative has been hanged” is a rude, but true folk proverb. Carefully avoid topics that may be too personal for the interlocutor, do not interfere in other people's family affairs. Do not seek to discuss other people's secrets, but if they are still entrusted to you. then consider this as a very valuable sign and never pass on your knowledge to a third party.
26. Although travel contributes to the development of the mind and outlook of a gentleman, nevertheless, you should not, in any case, insert the phrases: “when I was in Paris …”, “they don’t wear it in Italy …” and so on.
27. Avoid gossip … It looks disgusting in a woman, but for a man it is absolutely mean.

And what traditions of the past would not hurt, in your opinion, in our time?