5 ways to spark universal hatred

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

If you often do not understand why they are offended at you, it's time to figure it out. Here are five common communication mistakes that make people hate you.

It happens that a person, for some reason unknown to him, suddenly begins to enrage everyone. Nothing happens just like that, and if something like this happened to you, it means that you simply do not notice something. Here are five common reasons why people start to hate their friends, coworkers, or casual acquaintances.

1. It's not about what you said, but what you didn't say

If you are not very socially active, then you probably think that keeping quiet is the best thing to do in order not to screw up the conversation. If you are an introvert and often just dream of the person next to you to shut up, it seems to you that your silence is a favor and a gift to other people.

And then you find yourself in such a situation: you walk through a shopping center, meet a colleague and prefer to just walk by so as not to start an awkward and unnecessary conversation about anything. And instead of a grateful silence in response you hear behind your back: "Here is a shit."

So what's the problem?

This is the biggest social mistake you can make - ignoring people without wanting to offend them. You did not respond to the invitation, ignored a funny message with an emoticon, did not wish you a happy birthday. People are terribly offended by this, and an introvert may not even understand since when silence has become an insult.

In fact, silence is even worse than an insult: it is neglect. Imagine sending your resume to an employer. Which is worse: if you were refused, or if not answered at all? Of course, the last one. They did not even read your resume and did not bother to inform that you are not suitable.

Many people think that being sent to hell is better than just being ignored, because that way they at least know that you are noticing their existence.

So remember …

People who are offended by the silence think that you consider yourself so cool and strong that you do not even think about someone else's reaction to your silence. And also, that your silence is a way to tell them about it. Silently spit in your face.

2. You inadvertently put yourself higher

Let's imagine the following situation: once on a weekend you got so drunk that you picked up a cute guy in a bar, slept with her (with him) in your car and chewed up the whole seat, for which you had to pay 1,000 rubles to clean it.

It seems to be not a very scary story, why not tell it to an employee at work, who himself constantly tells stories about his drunken antics? But for some reason, after this story, he starts to avoid you.

What's the matter?

But the fact is that you showed him (although you might not think about it at all): you are a little higher on the social ladder in terms of income and entertainment. Let's say he hasn't had sex for a year, he doesn't have a car and even an extra 1,000 rubles that can be spent just like that on the consequences of a drunken trick.

That's all, he is unpleasant not because you are so immoral, but because he does not have the same.

So remember …

Such an invisible, stupid, but real power struggle takes place in every conversation. In any dialogue, one person is smarter, richer, more attractive than the other, and both know about it, but it is not comme il faut to emphasize it.

For those who are not sure of their social status, this question is an open wound on which salt is periodically poured. Therefore, it is customary to belittle your position and your dignity so as not to offend others.

People who are not very pumped in social interactions often make the following mistake: it seems to them that there are no those who are below them on the social ladder, and therefore they cannot hurt any wounds, because they simply should not be.

But in fact, as much as they can. You say: "My relatives are such monsters," and your friend at this time thinks: "Yes, but I have no relatives left at all." And no one says that this is correct, but, unfortunately, it is.

3. They think you owe them

Have you ever had such a break in relations when you heard in your direction: “And you can leave me like this? After everything I've done for you?"

Or maybe you had such a case when acquaintances asked you to help, you refused for logical reasons, for example, because of work, and they were really angry, as if they paid you, but you did not come.

Another option: the person stops to talk to you and makes it clear that you have seriously offended him with something and should apologize, although you do not see any guilt behind yourself and in the end you begin to believe that he should apologize for his unjustified demands.

What is the problem here?

The person is so annoyed because he believes that you owe him, and you do not know about it. This is an absurdity, which to one degree or another manifests itself in almost any relationship: someone thinks that they have done something valuable and important for you and that now you secretly owe him.

This happens in most unsuccessful marriages. The wife thinks, “He was so lonely and lost when I met him. If I hadn’t saved him, he probably would have already died of melancholy ", and my husband thinks differently:" I gave her a house and comfort, if not for me, she probably would have contacted some scumbag, who would surely have hit her, perhaps even with his feet."

Everyone thinks that the other is in an irredeemable debt, and when it turns out that they think the same way, it is stress, shock and mutual insults.

So remember …

People want you to owe them because that gives them power over you. And if you don't pay the debt that they've come up with for themselves, it pisses them off wildly.

4. You're wasting their time

You wrote only one email to your boss. There was only one simple question in it, but despite this, it jumps at you and grabs your throat, figuratively speaking.

Or one evening, without warning, you tumble home to a friend, he opens the door for you and says: "Oh, it's you, glad to see you" - with such an air as if he was sending you away.

And it may also be like this: you find yourself on the other side of the barricades in example No. 1. Congratulate a person on his birthday, and in response - dead silence, cold as space. And you, damn it, know that this person is not an introvert, that he writes with 100 people a day. Here is a shit!

So what's the problem?

In the first example, the boss was too worried about his problems, and then you were with your question, in the second, your friend was busy and he had no desire to listen to your three-hour story about his next adventures, and the one who did not answer the congratulations was just received too many of them, so it is impossible to have time to answer all of them and not miss a single one.

And in each of these cases, politeness prevented them from saying it directly. Because if a person says that he is busy, it means that he has more important things to do than yours, and he has the right to choose whether to consider your case or someone else. And that means he has more power. And this, as we have already found out, is impolite.

When someone doesn’t have time for you, it’s always a shame, and there’s no way to say it in a way that doesn’t cause the reaction from the second point: he has more social advantages, therefore, in order not to show this, he can simply remain silent.

Or even worse: if a person is attacked by a lot of people with their own affairs, and he really simply does not have enough time, he may break down on you, however, without saying directly that he has no time. As if it were better. But that's the way we are.

So remember …

If the person is laconic with you or does not answer your calls at all, he may well be in a desperate situation. He is bombarded with tasks and requests from the crowd, tries to answer everyone, and very often such people, gritting their teeth, write an answer, thinking to themselves: “What a bastard, he could google and find out everything in five seconds. But no, he asks."

5. If you feel good, then everyone is good

This is generally the most common social mistake that is present at all levels, from roommates to entire ethnic groups.

There are many examples. For example, when a stupid rule is introduced in the office not to touch the thermostat anymore without the permission of the supervisor, or when one of the partners decides that the couple will no longer eat meatloaf on Friday nights.

You don't understand why change something, introduce new rules, because everything was fine anyway. The trick is that it was good only for you, while others suffered from it. And when you start to protest, saying that you've always done this and everything is fine, people get mad.

Why is this happening?

You are in your comfort zone and simply do not notice how uncomfortable or bad it can be for someone else. This gives rise to all conflicts and misunderstandings.

One of the partners does not like to go out on weekends, he just sleeps all Saturday or sits in front of the TV. The second one understands that there is no way to get him out into the street, and stops even trying. And when a breakup is finally outlined, the stay-at-home will not understand where the problem is in the relationship, because everything was fine. It was normal for him, but as it was different, he simply did not see.

It's very easy not to notice it until it's too late.

So keep in mind …

You don’t think about money when you dine in a restaurant, but if you don’t have money for food, you will start thinking about it, and moreover, constantly. Take it as a fact: everyone has different needs and desires, and if your loved ones do not fulfill them, you cannot ignore it. This is not a problem for you, but for them it is.

Of course, you cannot do so as not to irritate and not piss off anyone at all, otherwise you risk turning into a weak-willed creature who slips into his own interests for the sake of someone else's approval.

But thanks to these tips, you will at least not allow this to happen unconsciously, and then wonder: "Why did he take offense at me, I didn’t do anything."