Table of contents:
- Story 1. “I came to work and thought: 'Lord, get out of here somewhere!'”
- Story 2. “I understood that if now I miss my happiness, then later I will not find such a woman”
- Story 3. "We began to enrage and hate each other"
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-07-28 10:38
It's perfectly normal to have a romantic relationship with a coworker. But remember to weigh the pros and cons.
This article is part of the One-on-One Project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!
Many films have been made about office romances and a lot of jokes have been invented. The topic is overgrown with so many prejudices that someone simply does not dare to confess their feelings to a colleague. Questions are spinning in my head: "What will others think of me?", "How will the authorities react to this?"
We talked to people who were not stopped by all this. Dasha saw nothing wrong with her colleagues and started romances with them - serious and not so much. Vladimir held a high position in the company and was against working intrigues, but he met a girl who made him change his mind. And Ani in the team had a love quadrangle, because of which she had to leave her dream job.
Story 1. “I came to work and thought: 'Lord, get out of here somewhere!'”
Kiss under the chimes
Many people develop relationships with colleagues because there is no time to go somewhere and meet someone. So it happened to me. The first office romance began when I was 20 years old. I studied at the university and at the same time worked in a coffee shop. Among my colleagues, I immediately noticed one boy who, as it seemed to me then, was insanely beautiful: blond, thin, under 2 meters tall, all in tattoos, with sunken cheeks. Such a hero of the times of heroin chic.
There was a very warm atmosphere in the working team, so we decided to celebrate the New Year together. I just had a free dacha, and I invited the guys who have no plans for New Year's Eve to join. That guy came too. We hung out, and under the chimes, whoever happened to be near, she kissed. It was he. So we started dating.
My boyfriend worked in the morning, I in the evenings. We crossed each other only on shift shifts and at the closing of the coffee shop, then we could go somewhere together. Nobody got too much attention. Probably, if we worked in one shift, then went for a walk, and then drove back home together, it would be hard for me.
We did not hide our romance from our colleagues simply because there was no need for it. We were all friends and there were no preconceptions. Even the former boss said, “Well, okay. You are young, do what you want."
Our relationship lasted about three months. It ended as stupidly as it began. We just realized that we were not interested in each other. But I don't regret this experience. I think in the future I will be able to say: "Yes, I have had crazy romantic adventures in my life!"
An affair with the boss
The second serious relationship began with a manager at another place of work. I was 25 then, and he was 11 years older than me and married. I was dating a guy too, so I didn't have romantic thoughts about anyone else.
Over time, I began to notice that the boss stays late at the office. His wife stopped taking him, and the child did not appear again. It became clear that he was getting divorced.
A year later, when I was already free, we began to communicate more. At first, at work, they could chat about something, then he called me to cafes, movies, bars.
We easily made contact, we had common interests, so we spent more and more time together. As a result, both realized that this was no longer just friendship, and everything somehow started spinning by itself.
Colleagues knew about our romance. We, of course, did not collect them with the phrase: "Guys, we need to tell you something."Everyone saw everything and so. We often held hands at work, behaved like a couple. The team perceived this normally, no one condemned.
It was a difficult relationship. I blurred the line between how I should behave with him at work and outside. In addition, over time it became clear that for the first six months he pretended that we were very similar. And then, apparently, he got tired of pretending, and our differences began to appear.
We often raised this topic, but each time everything ended with phrases: “What are you? You thought of everything. You are not right". In general, this kind of gaslighting is easy. It was not possible to solve the problem. Sometimes I came to work, looked at him and thought: "Lord, get out of here somewhere!"
I quit my job and parted with my boss practically in one week. These were not interconnected things. I just decided to conquer new heights in my career and end a relationship that was no longer joyful. During another quarrel, I simply said: “I don’t need anything from you! Don't call again! So we parted. It happened on December 30 or 31. I was incredibly happy that I left all the bad things last year and from January 1 I can start a new life.
Night after corporate party
I also had short novels at work - about ten. They ended when a colleague and I found ourselves in the same bed after a corporate party. We were usually drunk and didn't really know what we were doing. I just knew that I was with some dude, whom I might have greeted earlier at the cooler.
When you wake up under these circumstances, you feel awkward. But she is interrupted by the question: "Would you like coffee?"
Then you have breakfast together and say goodbye. And you continue to greet the cooler as if nothing had happened.
People spend eight hours at work five days a week, and it would be strange if some feelings did not arise between them: friendship, love, affection. To have an affair with a colleague or not - everyone decides for himself. But I think it's better to try and regret than doing nothing.
Story 2. “I understood that if now I miss my happiness, then later I will not find such a woman”
Vladimir is 46 years old. I met my second wife at work.
My first marriage was more out of necessity than out of love. At the age of 25-26, everyone got married, had children, said: "Then you'll be old, the train will leave!" Therefore, when I met my first spouse, I seemed to understand with my mind that I was making the right choice, but with my soul and body I was looking for something else.
In 2014, I was the head of a company that was developing X-ray diagnostic centers. We were then looking for an employee for a completely new position. They did not know exactly who a person should be by profession and how much he should pay. But they roughly understood the responsibilities: to carry out any assignments, not be afraid of anything, put forward different ideas, pass on their skills and knowledge further.
One of the candidates for this position was a girl named Margarita, who literally charmed me during the interview. She was satisfied with all the conditions, she spoke clearly and to the point, did not ask anything about money. I realized that we would work together. Therefore, I made a choice in her favor and assigned to the marketing department.
Six months later, I wanted to arrange a corporate party and take all the employees out to paintball. I instructed Margarita to organize it. She coped with everything perfectly: she ordered a camp site, buses, set the table. I was pleasantly surprised.
At first she established herself as an excellent employee, and then as a woman. I liked that she always behaves like a real Amazon, who is not afraid of difficulties. At the same time, she is quite modest, she never says too much. In my life I have met girls who were the same talkers like me. With such we have always had conflicts. Margarita and I were on the same wavelength and complemented each other.
At first I tried to hide my feelings, but then I could not restrain myself. Allowed myself to gently hug, to make a compliment. At one of the winter corporate parties, I invited her to dance and kissed her. She didn't resist. This is how our romantic relationship began.
I don't know if she was embarrassed by such attention from the head.
I even once asked: "Why did you take it like that and immediately agreed to meet with me?" She laughed and said: "What if you would fire me."
I still don't know if it was a joke or not. Women are such secretive creatures.
I used to have a negative attitude towards novels at work, but then a spark ran between us, and I could not do anything. This person met all my internal requirements. She filled the void inside me.
Divorce and conviction from loved ones
For the sake of Margarita, I divorced my first wife, with whom I had been married for 15 years. I think my wife felt that everything was heading for this, so she reacted normally. I was lucky that we managed to maintain friendly relations.
Margarita and I did not hide the novel from our colleagues. They already saw everything and, it seems, took it calmly. On the other hand, I was the CEO, and hardly anyone dared to express their dissatisfaction in my face.
Those close to me condemned me. They did not understand why I ended my relationship with my first wife and found her a replacement at work.
My parents assured me: "This girl is with you only because you are her boss."
It was hard to get over it. But I understood that if now I miss my happiness, then later I will not find such a woman. So I just tried not to pay attention.
The attitude of parents and friends towards Margarita changed only after I got into a very unpleasant situation. My partner, a lawyer, falsified business documents and threw me 15 million dollars. I lost a lot of money, it was a big blow to the budget. But Margarita went through a difficult period with me. She did not leave me as soon as my income became less, but was there every day and helped to move on. When our loved ones saw this, they realized that we really had serious intentions.
Relationships and work
Our romance did not interfere with work in any way. We didn’t get tired of each other, because we didn’t spend much time together in the office: I usually traveled to meetings, and Margarita organized them.
About a year after the start of our relationship, we moved in and then got married. And they continued to work together until Margarita went on maternity leave. We now have two sons.
We were never afraid of stereotypes and possible rumors at work. I believe that in love affairs you should not pay attention to the opinions of other people. You can take off your shoes in the subway, walk barefoot - they will be looking at you for exactly a minute. Then the train will leave, and everyone will forget about you. And you will continue to live with it. Therefore, if you feel, then act. Don't be afraid - you have to try.
Story 3. "We began to enrage and hate each other"
Anya The heroine's name was changed at her request. 38 years. Due to romantic feelings at work, she gave up her dream career.
I have always dreamed of working on television, for this I studied at the Faculty of Journalism. At 21, my dream came true: I got a job in a television center. I had to go there very early, because the broadcast was on all day and night, but that did not stop me.
We had a great team at work, especially I became friends with three guys. We were in a relationship with one of them, and we were just friends with the rest. We communicated well not only at work, but also outside it. All the holidays - from birthdays to the New Year - were spent together, they missed each other on vacations. We were like family until it was ruined by a love quadrilateral.
Our relationship with the young man did not work out, and we parted. He almost immediately began to regret it and in every possible way tried to get me back. For example, at work he called me into the corridor to talk, but in the end he just started crying real tears, which I wiped off in front of the passing colleagues. He was waiting for me after work, he could watch around the house - in general, one might say, he chased me.
It soon became clear that the second partner was also in love with me. He thought that I was free, since I broke up with my boyfriend, and decided to take care of me. For example, in the morning I could come to work and see an exquisite, beautifully served breakfast on my table. Then, 15 years ago, there were few convenience stores, and fast deliveries did not exist at all, but he still somehow got his dishes so early.
I was very embarrassed. These courtship was seen by my colleagues, and they had a question: "Anya, what is happening?" And something had to be answered by everyone. But I didn't know what, because there was nothing between us. At this time, I began to meet with a third colleague. We didn't tell anyone about our affair since he was married.
As a result, I was in a relationship with one guy, the second - the ex - tried to get me back, and the third thought that I was free, so he actively courted.
Many people dream of being such "femme fatale" that everyone is in love with them. But my experience has shown that this is not the most pleasant situation when you are planning a relationship with one person, you want to receive messages only from him, see only him, write only to him, but in parallel there are two more on your “air”, and you as if you are responsible for them and their experiences. My phone could literally be torn apart by incoming people at any time of the day. And it was almost impossible to stop it.
If it were not for my friends and colleagues, it would not have been difficult to stop communicating. But we were in the same team, saw each other every day and tried to maintain a normal working atmosphere. We were also close friends. But the key word is "were".
End of friendship and dismissal
When two of my boyfriends found out that I was in a relationship with a third, our friendship fell apart. Everyone felt deceived, gradually began to enrage and hate each other. It was impossible to work together, everyone began to quietly quit.
In the end, everything ended well with the married guy. He divorced, and we began to meet no longer secretly. But we lost those two friends who were very close to us.
I still regret that all this happened. Because our friendship was such a sincere and funny story that was never repeated in my life.
None of our company has pursued a career in journalism. It's hard for me to say why this happened. Probably, this whole situation shook us a little and made us move in a different direction. In general, I changed my field of activity, others went into related professions.
Nevertheless, now I think that relationships at work are normal (not for me, because I am married, but in general). Today, due to frequent accusations of harassment, they are heavily demonized. But it is at work that like-minded people gather, and you see the person in action, and not just a photo on Tinder. This is a great opportunity to meet someone cool.
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