Anger management or how to channel energy in the right direction

How it works?

Anger is a well-developed mechanism that turns on when our plans are upset or we feel a threat to ourselves, loved ones, things dear to us, or no less expensive ideas. It helps us to react quickly to a situation and find solutions when there is no time for a thorough analysis. Also, it is he who is one of the engines of progress that helps us find a way out of the situation and solve problems that interfere with the achievement of our goals.

The danger of anger is stupidity

The danger of anger lies in human stupidity. We can misunderstand and ruin the relationship. This is especially true for instant angry reactions.

The main task is to learn to pull ourselves together in cases where our life is not in direct danger, calm down and make the right decision. That is, anger management is nothing more than the ability to extinguish sudden impulses in time, calm down and make the right decisions, directing our "atomic energy" into a more peaceful channel.

Everything is subjective

People experience anger in different ways. As we differ from each other, so our reactions to the same situation can be diametrically opposite. Anything that may only slightly annoy you may infuriate your colleague. In this way, anger management focuses on your response to stimuli.

In addition to personal irritants, there are also universal reasonswhich include:

- pain;

- the pursuit;

- an attack directed at us;

- a threat to people, things and ideas that we hold dear.

Anger management tools

So, Redford Williams offers his 12 steps to help control anger.

Step 1. Keep a diary of hostility. Try to write down triggers on a piece of paper that trigger feelings of anger in you. This way you can collect and study all the root causes of your anger and gradually learn to recognize and control them.

Step 2. If you do get lost, admit that you have anger management issues. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. Therefore, recognition and awareness of this problem, understanding that anger is an obstacle to achieving goals is one of the first steps.

Step 3. Seek support from others. If you understand perfectly well that controlling anger is your problem, do not hide it, but seek support from the people around you who are important to you. They can be a source of motivation and support if you feel angry again.

Step 4. Use a special technique that helps to interrupt the attack of anger. Stop, take a deep breath, tell yourself that you can handle the situation, and stop negative thoughts.

Step 5. Use empathy (empathy). If someone else is the source of your anger, try to see what is happening from their perspective. Remind yourself that we are all highly subjective and that everyone makes mistakes.

Step 6. Laugh at yourself. Humor is one of the best medicines. Learn to laugh at yourself and not take what is happening to heart.

During your next impulse to bang the printer or kick the ATM, think about how ridiculous and stupid you will look from the outside.

Step 7. Relax. Often those people who react sharply to unpleasant little things get angry. When you learn to relax, you will find that it is simply stupid to react to small troubles. Why waste your time and spoil the mood of yourself and those around you because of an annoying little thing that half of people will forget about in 5 minutes?

Step 8. Build an atmosphere of trust. Angry people can be very cynical. They will suspect everyone around them of intentionally sabotaging their person, even if nothing has happened yet. If you can create an atmosphere of trust, the chances that someone will really do something wrong on you will be minimized.

Step 9. Listen. Misunderstanding is the cause of mistrust or frustration. The better you listen to what they tell you, the less likely you are to get angry that you misunderstood what was being said.

Step 10. Be persistent. Remember that Assertive does not mean Aggressive at all. When you start to get angry, it is very difficult for you to express your thoughts correctly. You are too immersed in negative emotions and physiological symptoms (heart palpitations and facial flushing) only prevent you from collecting weighty arguments in response. If you allow yourself to be persistent and explain to people your point of view and why you think so, you will achieve much more success than waving your hands and splashing saliva.

Step 11. Live every day as if it is your last. Life is short and we have only one, so spending it on negative emotions is an unforgivable stupidity and wastefulness. Understand that when you are wasting your time with aggression, you are missing out on a lot of enjoyable things and moments.

Step 12. Learn to forgive. In order to truly change yourself for the better, you need to dig much deeper. And you need to learn to forgive. It is not as easy as it seems at first glance. You should not just be able to squeeze out something like "I'm not angry with you." You must be able to truly let go. Because the hidden resentment or pain eats up from the inside and does not allow us to move on. And in the end, they will still break free with much more destructive consequences.

Of course, I am not a psychologist, but it seems to me that this is how people appear who one fine day come into their office with weapons in their hands.

So we stop, take a deep breath, confidently get rid of negative thoughts and move forward towards our goals. Uuuusaaa;)