Why many women are obsessed with marriage and what to do about it

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Sometimes dreams of a ring on your finger turn into mania, and this can interfere with your happiness.

Why are many women so eager to get married?

Thoughts about the wedding were put into my head as a child

Girls are raised differently from boys. The first are taught that happiness and success are directly related to family well-being and marriage. Boys, on the other hand, have no critical link between happiness and marriage.

Larisa Milova family psychologist, process psychotherapist, genetic psychologist and trauma therapist

Remember what fairy tales you read to us in childhood. All of them, one way or another, ended with a wedding or a reunion of lovers, after which they "lived happily ever after." That is, the very concept of happiness in them was linked to marriage.

From an early age, mothers and grandmothers tell us: "When you grow up and get married." This phrase is deposited in the head, and the confidence arises that marriage is really necessary.

Society imposes stereotypes

If a woman is married, then she is normal. If the husband is not there, then something is wrong with her. Public pressure makes women feel inferior. As the age approaches 30, it becomes even tougher: parents demand grandchildren, grandmothers - great-grandchildren, girlfriends with a ring on their ring finger talk about the delights of family life and hint that it’s time for you too.

Olga Poluektova is a psychologist, yoga instructor, owner of the YogaLife yoga studio.

It is no secret that in society a woman is judged by the presence of her husband or partner. Whether an unmarried lady is at least three times successful - a director of a corporation, an oil tycoon or a deputy - there will be someone who will say that this is from despair.

There is nothing to do but listen to this opinion and think: "Isn't it time for me to actually get married?"

A woman does not understand her own needs and cannot satisfy them

"Obsession in finding a partner is often dictated by the fact that women cannot live in pleasure, cannot understand and satisfy desires and needs, and often - even by the age of 30 - they are still personally immature," says family psychologist Larisa Milova.

In a partner, they are looking not just for a life partner, but for someone who will take care of them, take care of and fill the void that they themselves cannot close.

Why you need to get rid of obsessive thoughts about marriage

You scare a man away

The violent desire to marry does not attract men, but only scares away. They do not have an attitude that it just needs to be done, that it is so accepted. Therefore, you not only torment yourself, but also aggravate the overall situation.

You risk choosing the wrong partner

Do you want to connect your life with a specific person? Or is the fact of the wedding more important to you: a stamp in your passport, a white dress and a beautiful ceremony, and who will be the husband is secondary?

An obsession with marriage leads to the fact that a woman does not choose a worthy partner, but rather what they give without listening to their feelings and feelings. As a result, such relationships are difficult, unsatisfactory and often break down.

Larisa Milova

This can form painful and toxic relationships. The fear of loneliness and censure from society overshadows common sense, and a woman desperately clings to a man whom, perhaps, she does not love at all. Simply because marriage is becoming more important than the relationship itself.

How to stop wanting to get married

Find out the reason for your desire

Ask yourself why you really want to get married and answer that question honestly.

Here interesting things arise: often the husband is presented as a savior from an empty "fake" life. It will bring new impressions, color life with emotions, and warm you on winter evenings. In short, it will plug the hole that comes through. A woman who radiates “save me from myself” has a high chance of attracting someone who is not at all her dreams.

Olga Poluektova

Or maybe because all your friends are already married, but you are not? Or relatives bother with the question: "When is the wedding?" Or do you want to become better in the eyes of others, because the status of the wife is respected?

A wedding is a continuation of a healthy and strong relationship. This should be a balanced decision, but to follow the lead of relatives or run to the registry office, because it is so accepted, it is dangerous and fraught with an early divorce.

Learn to live in harmony with yourself

You need to enjoy life and feel happy whether you are alone or with someone.

There is one proven and very reliable way to stop wanting to get married. It helps everyone, but it is not easy, and not everyone reaches the end. So, in order to stop madly wanting to get married, you need to take and take care of your life.

Larisa Milova

The important thing is to really learn to be happy and not go to extremes in order to escape from the problem. Live in the here and now: learn something new, change your job for a more interesting one, if you want, find a hobby. Look for the upsides of being alone and realize that a fulfilling life is possible even without marriage.

Stop idealizing marriage

If your partner did not carry you in his arms before the wedding, then it is unlikely that he will do it after. And the occasion at the wedding will be the first and the last. Becoming a wife, you will not start cooking the most delicious cutlets for your husband at the snap of your fingers, if you did not know how to do it before. You can always learn, before or after the wedding, but the stamp in the passport does not affect this in any way. Moreover, marriage does not guarantee happiness and long life together.

Think of your friends, acquaintances, parents. How many examples of happy marriages can you count? With love, mutual respect and support? It will become apparent that having a husband alone does not make you happier.

Olga Poluektova

Getting married won't change anything if the relationship already has problems. And it does not promise you a cloudless life. You will receive a new status, become a family, but the problems that have passed from an unmarried life will remain with you. Maybe at first you will be in euphoria, but it will pass. And the phrase "Now you definitely have to do it, because you are my husband" does not work.

Admit to yourself that you are scared

Psychologist Olga Poluketova proposes to create new rules for “happy yourself”. Write them out point by point and start only from your own needs. It is difficult to move away from the old foundations and go against public opinion, but you must learn to define personal boundaries. And admit that you're scared and that's okay.