Table of contents:
- What is internal misogyny and how does it manifest
- Why women hate each other
- How to overcome inner misogyny
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 06:26
We need solidarity, not competition.
Misogyny is hatred of women. It lies at the root of sexism, inequality and discrimination. By default, men can be considered misogynists because of violence, stereotypical jokes, and simply condescending treatment of a woman as a second-class person.
But in reality, misogyny is a non-gender phenomenon. And on the Web, a lot of toxic remarks in relation to women are left by women themselves. "We women are still fools!" - you have probably heard and read something like this more than once. Sociologists and psychologists believe that such behavior can be a manifestation of internal (learned) misogyny.
What is internal misogyny and how does it manifest
Internal misogyny is a situation when women belittle their importance, want to distance themselves from other representatives of their gender. And they broadcast these installations in every possible way. A study conducted by the Higher School of Economics shows that pronounced misogyny attitudes were demonstrated by 26% of the respondents. Internalized misogyny can manifest itself in many ways. Here are the main ones.
For example, the well-known insults on "b", "s" and "w". And also all sorts of mocking words like "yazhemat", "tp", "baba", "klusha" and many, many others. They are actively used not only by men, but also by women.
At the same time, the researchers, having analyzed the swear words in different languages, came to the conclusion that they are divided into two groups: neutral and feminine.
There are not so many specific male insults: most of the verbal aggression is directed specifically at women. Although attention to language and rejection of sexist vocabulary, according to scientists, could reduce discrimination.
Endorsement of violence against women
Under any news of the murder or rape of a woman, a portal to hell literally opens. In addition to those who sympathize with the victim and wish a terrible punishment for the offender, there is a whole crowd of people who, in different ways, blame the woman herself for what happened.
Among these scavengers are women. The main motives of their speeches are approximately the following: “It is my own fault! There is no need to go to visit unfamiliar people / drink / wear short skirts / leave the house at nightfall "," First, they spread their legs due to drunkenness, and then the boys break their lives. " Even if the victim is a little girl, her mother will be blamed for everything: where she looked, why she gave birth, why she didn't bring up.
Unfortunately, the idea of permissibility of sexual and other violence against women is also broadcast by media personalities. For example, actress Lyubov Tolkalina, who declared in 2017 that “harassment is great”. Or women who are deputies of the State Duma, who called the complaints of journalists about the harassment of their colleague Slutsky a provocation.
All this normalizes violence, makes it more acceptable in the eyes of society and shifts the focus from the perpetrator to the victim. As a result, victims can find no help, no protection, no sympathy - and often they are even harassed.
Stupid blondes, women behind the wheel and victims of rape are joked about not only by men, but, alas, by women as well. For example, the participants in Comedy Woman - when they show how blondes find a car in the parking lot. Or in a sketch about sexual harassment at work.
At the same time, research shows that this kind of humor is far from harmless.
Those participants who were given a lot of sexist jokes to listen to showed a greater tolerance for physical violence against women than those who were played with neutral jokes.
Supporting stereotypes about women
Many women themselves willingly shout that "we all, women, bitches", that women are more stupid than men, they have smaller brains and in general they are created to decorate the team. Although it was discovered long ago that this is not at all the case. And if anything prevents women from showing intelligence and engaging in, for example, the exact sciences, it is social attitudes.
Or they say that "all women are hysterics", they cannot be trusted with responsible work and leadership positions. In fact, in a professional sense, women behave more restrained than their male counterparts, and are less prone to emotional actions and decisions.
Of course, one cannot do without statements that the woman driving is a monkey with a grenade (another stereotype that has been refuted more than once) or that women do not know how to be friends (also a blatant lie).
Unfortunately, the support and broadcast of these and many other stereotypes significantly complicates the life of all women in general: it prevents them from building a career, studying, respecting their boundaries and generally feeling like full-fledged people.
Doubt about the professionalism of other women
68% of Russians, says VTsIOM, do not agree to see a woman in the presidency, also because this is a man's job. Analysts note that both men and women were unanimous in their responses.
Most recently, Aviasales conducted a survey and found that 19% of Russians want a man to be a pilot. The gender of the respondents was not specified, but if you find similar polls on social networks and the results, it becomes clear that 27% of the participants are against women at the controls of the plane.
The same applies to other professions, especially those that require the qualities traditionally attributed to men: composure, high intelligence, courage and strength.
For example, in this material, a girl working as a pediatric surgeon says that women, along with men, convince her that in this profession there is nothing for the representatives of their sex to do. And actress Anne Hathaway admitted that she did not trust women directors for a long time.
Opposing yourself to other women
“I am not like these fools, I am interested not only in clothes and beauty salons”, “I, unlike feminists, are a real woman: I can cook, look after myself, obey my husband”, “I am not like a cuckoo mother: I didn’t skip to work in a month, but watched the baby, nursed, devoted herself to the home.”
Variants of statements may be different, but the essence is the same: a woman tries to separate herself from the representatives of her gender and show that she is much better. And often get praise from men. Social networks reveal this problem especially vividly: in the comments of any public where people ask for advice, you can see a couple of "correct" women who are trying to assert themselves at the expense of others.
In women's communities, the situation is often no better. For example, mothers are waging full-scale battles, proving whose parenting techniques are more correct. Similac even released a commercial on this topic a few years ago. In it, mothers almost fight over how to properly feed, carry and raise their children.
Although the situation has become noticeably better lately. Women began to show more solidarity to each other, so-called "safe" spaces appear - groups where moderators strictly monitor that the participants are not offended and the atmosphere is as supportive as possible.
Refusal of friendship with women
Because they are supposedly all snakes, traitors, gossips and are just waiting to take someone else's man away.
Or because they are stupid, only interested in clothes, cosmetics and children. It is not like men who conduct exclusively intellectual conversations and never gossip.
Why women hate each other
Perhaps it would be more correct to ask why they hate themselves and transfer this feeling to other women. After all, this is the essence of internalized misogyny: we do not accept ourselves and we do not accept others either. Why is this happening?
We absorb the misogynistic attitudes that society broadcasts
And this is perhaps the main reason for internalized misogyny. Fairy tales, religious texts, romantic films and books, glossy articles, TV shows and speeches of some public figures methodically hammer into our heads that a woman is a second-class person or not at all.
That she is weak, stupid, petty, envious and mercantile, that she is only suitable to stand at the stove barefoot and pregnant, that she herself is to blame for all her troubles, that she should be afraid of her husband, decorate the team and constantly reshape her appearance for public (and most importantly, male) standards of beauty.
We have all heard these “cute” statements more than once: “A chicken is not a bird, and a woman is not a man,” “A woman driving like a monkey with a grenade,” “Women are not fools, but because women,” and others and others.
Naturally, sooner or later, all this horror penetrates our consciousness and becomes part of our vision of ourselves and the world. So you have to either admit that you are just as stupid and weak, or disown other women.
We defend ourselves
Psychological protection is needed in order not to admit that in this world violence can touch everyone: “Probably, this girl herself is to blame, she just behaved badly, dressed vulgarly, that's why she was raped, but I won't, and everything will be fine with me ". A kind of magical thinking.
However, sometimes it is easier not to show female solidarity, because it can end badly. At the very least, they'll throw angry comments. Or they will even begin to threaten with beatings and murder - as happened recently with the fem-activist Zalina Marshenkulova, who stood up for the girls who were persecuted because of their participation in Till Lindemann's porn video.
So it turns out that supporting each other can even be dangerous. Seeing this, many women prefer to be silent or assent to the aggressors - so that they themselves are not touched.
How to overcome inner misogyny
In essence, we are talking about uprooting out of ourselves the attitudes and stereotypes that have grown in our minds since childhood. And this is difficult. And it is possible only for those women who already see the problem. Because for those who are unshakably convinced that women are fools, and that beautiful blonde over there clearly got her car for a reason, it is useless to explain anything.
Track misogynistic thoughts and try to suppress them. Try to abandon misogynistic vocabulary and not broadcast stereotypes about women: they harm both you and all women in general.
It must be remembered that any person is, first of all, a person, and not a set of genitals. And his gender does not affect either professionalism or personal qualities.
If you want to go deeper into introspection, you can trace where each negative belief about women came from in your head, who first instilled it in you and why it does not correspond to reality.
Conduct an educational program
Say, read gender studies: they will show that sexist myths are just myths, and in fact, men and women are not that different from each other. For example, the website of the Higher School of Economics has published a small selection of studies conducted by Russian scientists. Other similar works are easily searched through a search engine for relevant queries. For example, here is a text on the cognitive abilities of men and women.
Take a look around
And you will see many wonderful, intelligent, strong and talented women, media and not so, who raise children alone, save and heal people, do science, write books.
Give women a chance
Do not refuse to see a specialist because this specialist is a woman. Look first of all at experience and professional qualities, not at the floor. Do not attack women in life and social networks, do not take the side of the aggressors and try to sympathize with the victim (bullying, violence, minor attacks).
Remember that other women are not evil, envious competitors, as society portrays them, but people like you. And know that female friendship (which happens - despite all claims) makes us healthier, more harmonious and even helps build a career.