3 steps to stop blaming others

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

We often attribute mistakes to others that we ourselves have not figured out. However, there is an easy way to get rid of this habit.

Have you ever been late? Not because you slept or got ready for too long, but because force majeure circumstances arose that detained you. I'm sure what happened. But have you always managed to convince the people who were waiting for you that it was not your fault, but only a coincidence?

Whatever the answer, I would venture to suggest that when someone is late for a meeting with you, you really want to accuse them of lack of punctuality, regardless of what the true reasons for the delay are.

Why others' mistakes sometimes seem unforgivable to us, and why we tend to justify ours by the influence of external circumstances, and will be discussed in this article.

What is attribution error

Exaggerating other people's mistakes is normal. It is not worth worrying about this, because everyone has this psychological mechanism. It's called an attribution error and goes like this:

We tend to explain the actions of other people by the peculiarities of their personality, and our behavior - by external circumstances.

We come across examples of this phenomenon almost every day.

However, justifying one's actions is not the worst thing that an attribution error can lead to. It is much worse when its influence carries over to our relationships with people. More than once I have heard stories about how one person accused another, complaining about his terrible, and when faced with reciprocal criticism, he reduced everything to outside influence.

Few people, when meeting a rude person who behaves in an inappropriate way, think about why he became that way. First of all, we express our attitude towards his personality. But in this way we only confuse the cause with the effect and cannot correctly assess the actions of people and ourselves.

The very understanding of attribution error allows us to look at many problems in relationships in a new way. However, knowledge about it does not answer the question: "What to do?" Therefore, I offer some simple rules to help you avoid this psychological trap.

How to stop blaming others

1. Look for an external cause

As soon as you find yourself in an unpleasant situation because of another person, answer the question: "Are there any reasons beyond his control why he could behave this way?" Rely only on the circumstances and overshadow judgments about the person's personality. After all, our whole character was formed under the influence of many circumstances.

Once the answer is found, your emotions will begin to subside. They will be replaced by why the person did this and not otherwise, and you will not judge a close friend, soul mate or business partner.

2. Empathize

Once you find the cause, empathy replaces anger and frustration. After all, you begin to worry about a person who could get into difficult circumstances.

If this feeling did not come immediately, then just put yourself in the place of this person. Yes, he is late, but what if he needed to help his family or there was an unforeseen work situation? What would you do?

Sincerely empathize with the person instead of looking for reasons in their character. Then you will not only rid yourself of negative emotions, but do not blame the person in vain.

3. Don't live in the past

When I found out about this psychological trap, I began to scroll through the events in which I had to fall into it. The first feeling I experienced was guilt about how I valued others at such moments and how I justified myself. Also, anger arose from the fact that others, in the event of their guilt, were covered by circumstances.

But in order for these feelings to stop pressing on me today, I began to take care of myself and stopped living.

When you realize your mistakes, learn to look for the reason for the actions of other people and empathize with them, then you will stop blaming others and engage in self-flagellation.

Finally

The attribution error is hard to get rid of. After all, we all want to be sure that all our merits belong only to us, and problems are simply pouring in from the outside.

But life is diverse. And sometimes situations arise in which our words and decisions lead to negative consequences. It is worth admitting this, at least to yourself. What for? To know that you can do otherwise.

Those who are convinced that the success of others has fallen to them from the sky, and their own failures are the result of the vicissitudes of fate, are not able to achieve success or build long-term relationships.

You just have to do everything that you are capable of, and not guess how the circumstances will turn out.

Max Fry

I wish you success!