How to stop worrying about what others think of you

Why we care about someone else's opinion

Each person wants to please others, wants to be attractive in the eyes of others. Many people constantly monitor their Facebook and Instagram page, counting likes and comments. To please others is a desire that was born with us.

As we get older, we learn to separate our thoughts and emotions from the opinions of others, but many of us continue to seek, and in some cases, ask for approval from others for our actions. This can lead to serious problems, especially when it comes to self-esteem and happiness. A recent survey was conducted with 3,000 participants. 67% of the respondents admitted that their self-esteem directly depends on the opinions of other people.

We react to everything that surrounds us. We have long-standing expectations about how the world should work and how the people inhabiting it should behave. And one of our well-established beliefs is that we know how other people should react to us, to our appearance and behavior.

About 100 years ago, sociologist Charles Cooley developed the theory of the mirror self, the essence of which is as follows:

I am not what I think of myself, and I am not what others think of me. I am what I think about what others think of me.

This proves once again how much we attach importance to the opinions of other people.

However, we forget that other people often judge us based on their past experiences, habits, feelings - everything that has nothing to do with us. Therefore, it is very unreliable to base self-esteem on the opinions of other people.

When you fully rely on the judgment of other people, you try to please them in every possible way, rise in their eyes and ultimately lose your self.

But the good news is that we can stop it. We can become self-sufficient and not look back at others, wondering how they evaluate our every step.

How not to worry about someone else's opinion

1. Remind yourself that many people don't think about you at all

We would be less worried about what others think of us if we realized how rarely they do it.

Ethel Barrett writer

Nothing could be closer to the truth than this statement. Other people have better things to do than sit and think about you. If it seems to you that someone thinks badly of you, mentally criticizes you, stop: maybe this is a game of your imagination? Perhaps this is just an illusion that is fueled by your inner fears and self-doubt. If you constantly berate yourself, it will become a real problem that will poison your whole life.

2. Think with your head

Sit down and calmly think about the place of someone else's opinion in your life. Reflect on situations in which the assessments of others are meaningful to you. Determine how you react to them. If you understand that the assessments and opinions of others determine your self-esteem, then consider how to change your behavior.

Tell yourself, "Instead of relying on others again, I will learn to listen and hear my own thoughts and think exclusively with my head." Learn to cut off unnecessary noise, separate the wheat from the chaff. The more often you do this, the faster it will become a habit.

The ultimate goal of all of this is never to let the opinions of others determine who you are and how you live. Understand that no one will ever be able to make you feel like a "little person" if you yourself do not give him this power.

3. Feel free - don't be anxious to find out what others think of you

When people start showing their creations to the public, such as blogging, they often worry about whether others will like it. They worry even more when they torment themselves with the thought that other people do not like their work. Until one day they realize how much strength and energy they spend on these useless experiences.

Have a new mantra to repeat to yourself day in and day out:

This is my life, my choice, my mistakes and my lessons. I shouldn't care what others think about it.

4. Pay attention to what is really important

People will always think what they want. You cannot control the thoughts of others. Even if you choose your words carefully and you have excellent manners, this does not mean that you will be good for everyone. Everything can be misinterpreted and turned upside down.

What really matters is how you measure yourself. Therefore, when making important decisions, try to be 100% true to your beliefs and values. Never be afraid to do what you think is right.

Start by listing 5-10 qualities that are important to you. For example:

honesty;
self-respect;
self-discipline;
compassion;
focus on success and so on.

If you have such a list, you will make unweighted decisions much less often, you will have a system of principles and, in the end, you will have something to respect yourself for.

5. Stop thinking that not liking someone is the end of the world

What if they don't like me? What if a person who is not indifferent to me will answer me with a refusal? What if I am considered a black sheep? These and similar questions torment people too often. Remember: if someone doesn't like you and even if the person you care about doesn't feel the same way about you, this is not the end of the world.

But we continue to fear this very mythical “end of the world” and let fears get the best of us, while constantly feeding them.

Ask yourself, "If my fears come true and the worst happens, what will I do?" Tell yourself a story (or rather write it down) about how you will feel after rejection, how you will be disappointed, and then you realize that this is a negative, but still an experience, and you will move on. This simple exercise will help you realize that not liking someone is not so bad.