What's the best news to say first: good or bad?

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Psychologist Elena Stankovskaya - about where to start if you have to tell your interlocutor good and bad news, and how to soften the blow from unpleasant news.

We all sometimes have to give unpleasant and sometimes tragic news. This is a test both for the one who becomes the messenger of the painful truth, and, of course, for the one who receives it. Most often, in such cases, we spontaneously want to blurt out everything at once, if only the situation would end quickly. Is this strategy really optimal? And what support can psychology offer us here?

As research by Dan Ariely (Professor of Psychology and Behavioral Economics. - Ed.) Has shown, pain - whether physical or mental - is easier to withstand if it is of moderate intensity and longer duration (compared to sharp, but shorter). Therefore, perhaps the main principle is to report unpleasant news slowly, giving a person time to adapt to what he has heard. The painful truth must be dosed by rechecking how the person is coping with what he hears.

It is very important to prepare the person for such a conversation. For example, if we have to report something unpleasant over the phone, at least ask whether it is convenient for the interlocutor to speak now, whether he will have any opportunity to come to his senses after the conversation. Warn me that something unpleasant is about to be said.

The severity of news is always determined not only by what happened objectively, but also by how much a person can cope with it. Therefore, it is useful to help the interlocutor mobilize to face the painful reality. One way to do this is to preface the conversation with a reminder of something truthful and positive.

People are capable of better thinking during the meeting if the first thing they do is say something truthful and positive about their work or the work of the group.

Nancy Kline "Time to Think"

Let me clarify that the goal in this case is not to distract a person from heavy news, but to mobilize his strength to cope with it. Another technique is to ask the person what he already knows about this situation, what assumptions he has, and so on. Invite him and ask clarifying questions.

Another important principle is not to deprive a person of hope by telling the truth. Studies show that when pain is associated with something good, with meaning, it is subjectively perceived as less intense and the person adapts to it faster. If it is difficult to maintain hope, it is important to ask questions about the future: does the person know what he is going to do with this situation, are there people to whom he can turn for support. Through these questions, we help the interlocutor to build some image of the future and thereby strengthen his hope.

What to say first: good or bad news? After we have prepared the person to accept the painful truth, it is best to start with the harder news.

This is due to the expectation effect. Research conducted by Dan Ariely confirms that pain itself is often less fearful than anticipation. If we have to choose between bad and very bad news, it is better to start with the latter too. Against the background of heavier news, less difficult is perceived easier. However, it is important here to monitor how the person is able to cope with what he heard. Perhaps you should pause and ask what the person thinks, feels about this, what he wants to do in this regard.

Another important principle is to gently communicate heavy news. In particular, it is useful to express sincere sympathy (studies of the same Dan Ariely show that pain perceived as being inflicted unintentionally is more easily experienced than deliberately inflicted). In some cases, it is appropriate to express your feelings, for example, to say that it is difficult for you to talk about it, that this is indeed a very difficult situation. Ask what else the person needs to hear from you, perhaps be silently with him, sharing the weight of the news.