How to get rid of dissatisfaction with yourself

Why are we unhappy with ourselves

Influence of the media

How we feel about ourselves depends a lot on our environment. And most of all, we are influenced by the media and the content that we consume.

As soon as we stop thinking that something is wrong with us, we begin to notice what is happening around us and become aware of how advertising works. She bombards us with images of the "ideal" so that we always want to buy more and more.

We are forced to think that now we are not good enough, but if we buy this or that product … Only when we buy it, everything repeats again. And we are trying again and again to change ourselves in order to finally meet the ideal imposed on us.

Childhood experience

Of course, it's not just about the media. We are also influenced by the conclusions we learned as children. Here's what psychologist Karyl McBride, who specializes in working with disadvantaged children, has to say about it.

Caryl McBride American psychologist and author

Take, for example, families in which a parent suffers from alcohol addiction. The child does not understand why the parent sometimes engages in him, and sometimes ignores. In a family where a parent has a narcissistic personality disorder, the child does not understand that such a parent is unable to show sympathy or love. In families with domestic violence, the child does not understand why adults do such terrible things. The child tries to solve the problems of adults in order to achieve his main goal - to receive love and care. Of course, this happens unconsciously, but this behavior can manifest itself at a very early age.

We continue to think in this way in adulthood, allowing external factors to influence our opinion of ourselves. When we see that things are going wrong, we look for ways to fix the situation.

If someone treats us badly, we immediately assume that something is wrong with us. We cannot control what people think of us, so we begin to change something in our behavior: the way we dress, talk, laugh. And then we say to ourselves: "Since the opinion of this person has not changed, then the problem is in me."

We are faced with a problem and instead of understanding its cause and somehow solving the situation, we are trying to change ourselves. In the end, this behavior only hurts. Because sooner or later it begins to seem to us that we will never change, never become “right”.

How to deal with it

You need to change your approach. Tell yourself: “I am not inferior to others, I am good enough. I can always develop and become even better."

Let this attitude towards yourself become your new natural reaction to the world around you. Of course, to believe this, you need to take specific measures. It is not enough just to say that you believe it. You need to hammer it into your head.

1. Think about who you admire, and then ask yourself what this person would appreciate in you

This is very motivating. Think of the people you admire and respect, those you would like to be equal to, and try to find some traits in yourself that could arouse admiration in them. You don't need to have any grandiose achievements for this. The main thing is to stop considering yourself inferior.

2. Treat yourself no worse than you would treat your subordinates

Stop being cruel to yourself. If you treated your subordinates in the same way, they would not just quit, but they would also sue you. Much of what we say to ourselves, we would never say to another person. So stop doing that.

Ask yourself, "Would I say that to someone else?" This is a great way to gauge how you feel about yourself.

3. Do not engage in self-criticism

This is especially important. Even if you really deserve criticism, self-flagellation will only make you even more angry with yourself. Admit that you made a mistake. Accept this and move on.

If you believe that you are good enough, then no matter what the media or those around you tell you, you will put in the effort and be able to achieve your goals. But if you are convinced that you are somehow falling short of the rest, it turns out that you gave up even before you get down to business.