How to get rid of feelings of helplessness and pull yourself together

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

If circumstances are always stronger than you, it's time to change yourself and your outlook on life.

What is learned helplessness

Learned helplessness is a state in which a person does not try to influence a situation, even when he can. This phenomenon was discovered by the American psychologist Martin Seligman in 1967 in the course of a series of studies.

Seligman's experiment involved three groups of dogs, each of which was placed in a different cage. Animals from the first and second groups received a light current discharge through the floor, while those from the third - the control group - did not. The first group could turn off the current by pressing a button inside the cage. The second did not have such an opportunity: the electric shocks stopped only when the dogs from the first group pressed the button.

Later, all the subjects were put in boxes with a partition that could be easily jumped over. The animals received electric shocks, and in order to avoid unpleasant sensations, they just had to jump to the other side. Dogs from the first and third groups quickly figured out what to do and moved to safe territory.

The dogs from the second group remained where they were being electrocuted, whined, but did not even try to escape.

Seligman explained the results by the fact that animals from the second group learned to be helpless. They could not influence the situation in the first part of the experiment, so they decided that nothing depended on them, and gave up any attempts to fight. Although it would not have been difficult for them to jump over the partition. Seligman concluded that it is not the unpleasant situations themselves, but the apparent lack of control over them that develops learned helplessness.

Later, other psychologists conducted a similar experiment on humans, however, instead of a current, the stimulus was a loud unpleasant sound. The phenomenon of Seligman's learned helplessness worked here as well.

Learned helplessness is found all the time: among children, schoolchildren and students (“I don’t understand this subject and I can’t do anything about it because I’m stupid”), company employees (“I will not be promoted because I cannot cope with tasks "), wives and husbands (" The partner will continue to cheat on me, but I will not leave, because no one else needs / does not need it, and this cannot be fixed ").

A person who has learned helplessness is sure that he cannot influence his life. He will not see opportunities, even if they are brought to him on a platter and poked with a finger.

He will always find an excuse:

• Others will succeed, but I will not.
• I can't do it.
• Why would I try if it doesn't work.
• I've always been like that and I'm not going to change anything.
• I don’t want this at all, I’m already fine.

When a person thinks that he is not able to control the situation, he stops taking active steps to eliminate the problem. It is obvious that learned helplessness greatly reduces the quality of life.

In addition to the manifestation of apathy and inaction, a person can shift to another goal, the result of which is tangible, instead of looking for a solution to the real problem. For example, cleaning the apartment or making dinner.

Learned helplessness can manifest itself in any area and become a credo for life, making a person an eternal victim of the situation.

Having learned helplessness, a person believes that his successes are an accident, and his failures are his fault. Everything good that happens to him happens not because of his actions, but by a happy coincidence. But failures haunt him only because he is not smart enough, ambitious and persistent.

What are the reasons for this condition

Learned helplessness is an acquired state. They are not born with it, it is formed during life under the influence of certain factors.

1. Education, the attitude of parents and teachers

Learned helplessness often appears in childhood. Unknowingly, parents or teachers instill this condition in a child:

• There is no obvious connection between actions and consequences (the child does not understand how and what his actions affect).
• There are actually no consequences of actions (this applies to both punishments and rewards).
• The consequences of different actions are the same (for a deliberate lie and accidental damage to things, the punishments are the same; for a good grade in a complex subject and washed dishes, the same reward).

Sometimes a child simply cannot understand the reason: "Why is it happening this way and can I do something?" For example, a student gets a bad grade and does not understand why. He thinks that he is not smart enough for a particular subject, or maybe he simply does not like the teacher. If the child sees the reason for what he cannot influence, then he stops trying. When the teacher lets him know that he is able to learn a subject and get a good grade, he will not feel helpless.

It is important that the child sees the connection between his efforts and the result.

These causes can develop learned helplessness not only in children, but also in adults - in work, personal or daily life.

2. A series of failures

When active actions do not lead to a result, not one, not two, but much more times, a person's hands become discouraged. He constantly does something, but there is no exhaust from it.

3. Patterned thinking

A man is a breadwinner, and a woman sits at home and brings up children. The stereotypes imposed by society and often lost their original meaning prevent a person from reaching the goal, because “it’s not accepted, why would I go against the rules”.

4. Mentality

In a country where citizens are limited in their actions and cannot protect their rights, the phenomenon of learned helplessness is common. People think, for example, "I will not sue because I will lose anyway."

This state of helplessness passes to other spheres of life, a person ceases to believe in his own strength and lives according to the principle “inaction is the norm”.

How to deal with learned helplessness

1. Establish links between actions and consequences

Always look for the connection between what you have done and what you have received. This applies to both positive and negative events. You need to understand what contribution you have made in order for the result to become what it is. It's important not to stop acting.

2. Accept failure

If you fail, then you are taking action. Failures are indispensable; moreover, they teach us not to make mistakes again. Treat them as an experience that will make you successful soon.

3. Become an optimist

Seligman believed that pessimists are more likely to learn helplessness than optimists, since they have different styles of attribution - explaining the reasons for certain human actions.

To become an optimist, you need to rethink your attribution style. In his book How to Learn Optimism. Change the way you see the world and your life.”Seligman offers a test to help determine your attribution style. Try to pass it.

Internal or external attribution

A person attributes responsibility for the situation to himself or to external factors.

• As the pessimist thinks, “I didn’t do the job because I’m stupid,” is an example of internal attribution.
• As the optimist thinks: “I did not cope with the task, because too little time was given. A little more, and everything would have worked out”, - an example of external attribution.

Stable or temporary attribution

Failures happen all the time, or they happen sometimes.

• As the pessimist thinks: “I am always denied help, it was like that since school, because no one cares about me,” is an example of stable attribution.
• As an optimist thinks: “Today he could not help me because his wife was giving birth, and this is more important than my problem,” is an example of temporary attribution.

Global or specific attribution

A person sees the problem globally, and not in a specific detail.

• As the pessimist thinks: “I do not know how to communicate with people, no one listens to me, because I am a bore,” is an example of global attribution.
• As an optimist thinks: “I don't have a good relationship with this person, because he has completely different outlooks on life,” is an example of a specific attribution.

The test results will show how you feel about different situations, what style of attribution you use and what is more in you - optimism or pessimism.

If you are more pessimistic, then you need to work on assessing situations. Look for the causes of the problem. If you always blame yourself for everything, reconsider this and think about what other factors might have influenced the outcome of events. This is not about your own justification, but about the objectivity and adequacy of your assessment.

4. Try the ABCDE method

Martin Seligman and psychologist Albert Ellis have developed a method with which you can defeat pessimism and learn to respond appropriately to unpleasant situations.

• Situation. Describe her impartially: "I am late for an important meeting."
• Your belief. Tell me what you think about this situation: “I got out early, but the bus broke down, and then I got stuck in a traffic jam. Public transport is disgusting and traffic jams are due to inexperienced drivers."
• Effects. Think about the feelings and emotions that convince you: “I was very angry, yelled at a bystander, went down the drain all day. I will never take the bus to work again."
• Internal discussion. Discuss with yourself your reaction to the situation: “Am I excited? The first time I got stuck in a traffic jam on this section of the road, because there was a repair. Public transport is quite developed, before important meetings, you need to plan several routes so as not to get into such a situation again."
• Recoil. Describe how you feel after realizing the reaction: “I was able to cope with my anger and felt better. I am glad that I was able to look at things intelligently."

If you regularly disassemble each situation on the shelves, you will learn to soberly assess what is happening and begin to think positively. A positive attitude is essential to combat learned helplessness.

5. Consult a specialist

When you cannot cope with the problem on your own, you should contact a specialist. Learned helplessness is a serious problem that should not be ignored.