How to figure out and kill your inner conformist

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The worst punishment in the world is that people will think something wrong. In any case, this is what they say to us from childhood, teaching us to live with an eye to the opinions of others. What kind of people is not specified, as well as the reasons why we should generally be worried about someone's thoughts. As a result, we seek the approval of those who do not care about us, and we torment ourselves with empty experiences. Self-help mentor An Bourmanne explains how to end this vicious practice.

One day I missed the bus. Specially. It was still possible to catch up with him, but I did not do this, because I imagined how the doors slammed right in front of my nose, and the passengers were watching from the windows and laughing at me. I got a better idea - to pretend I'm just standing on the sidelines. I am clever with them, right? As a result, I had to freeze for 20 minutes while waiting for the next bus.

I called this case a bout of illness what-about-me-will-think. Here are 12 symptoms of this dangerous disorder. If you recognize yourself, you are at risk.

You often judge yourself in terms of other people. As soon as you fail or fail to meet someone's expectations, imaginary sarcastic comments float before your inner gaze.
You associate people's behavior with their attitude towards you. Didn't reply to your email right away? Not because the person has no time, but simply you did something wrong, of course! And this is another proof that you are not loved.
Criticism is killing you. Even if you yourself wanted to get feedback. And even if you know that criticism is a blessing. But taking negative comments to heart and deciding that you are a complete nonentity is a habit.
You only want to say the right things at the right time. An internal censor prohibits you from vocalizing what others do not like. And to be sure to be safe, you prefer to be silent and not share your ideas or opinions.
You are trying to please everyone. You are interested in things that everyone around you is interested in, love what others love, keep talking about their hobbies, keeping quiet about yours. Because they won't like it.
You strive for harmony and try not to get angry. You just think you have no right to do so. Although if someone loses his temper, you understand him perfectly.
You are afraid to share your knowledge. Still, because you can be dubbed an upstart and know-it-all. You truly believe that hiding your abilities will help others feel more comfortable.
You always and everywhere give yourself the last place. And deep down you are offended that no one notices this self-sacrifice.
You are secretly ashamed of your hobbies. They are too different from what others like.
It's hard for you to ask for help. People may think that you are incompetent or do not know how to solve your problems yourself.
It's hard for you to say no. You are afraid of making someone angry or disappointing.
You understand that you are not living your life. But you can't change anything, because those around you will judge you (and in general you will look stupid).

The truth is, no matter how hard you try, absolutely everyone will never be liked. You can't live your life without upsetting anyone and not receiving a single assessment from others. Trying to do this will only devastate you and lead to.

What I am about to say now outwardly contradicts common sense.

The easiest way to build good relationships with people and make life the way you want it to be is don't tryeveryone will like it.

But you can:

Communicate with people who accept you for who you are, like to talk about the same things as you, or have very interesting views, albeit different from yours.
Use your talents and abilities to create things that only you can create and receive a worthy appreciation for your work.
Choose activities that inspire you, help you realize your uniqueness and feel fulfilled in life.

So allow yourself to be yourself, and. Remember that their "dislike" is by no means an assessment of your personality. It is a reflection of their views, desires, expectations and beliefs.

By the way, returning home from work, I saw how my bus just started from the stop (I swear, it was so!). Strictly speaking, I was already late for it. But remembering the morning incident, she waved her hand to the driver and said to herself: “Well, what such a terrible thing can happen? He will not notice me and will leave on his bus full of strangers making fun of me. I'll go on the next one, that's all."

Do you know what happened next? The bus doors opened. I am clever with them, right?

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