Mental illness or norm? How to figure out what's going on with your child

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

A life hacker is figuring out how to distinguish mental problems from hormonal changes and ways of self-expression.

In adolescence, many children become completely different from themselves: they are rude, dress strangely, listen to loud music, disappear somewhere or, conversely, sit only at home. It can be difficult for a parent to understand what caused such changes, and it is not always possible for a parent to discuss this with the child or get specialist advice. Is it hormone related and will soon pass or is it the cause of a serious illness?

The life hacker collected the most frequent complaints from parents on the Internet and asked the experts how substantiated they were.

The child carves strange symbols and drawings on his hands

Self-injurious behavior helps to cope with strong emotions, stress. This is not a way to get attention, so there is no need to make a scandal. However, it is also impossible to pretend that nothing is happening. The best that a parent can do is to talk to the child, find out the reason for this behavior, and support. If that doesn't work, see a therapist.

Anastasia Menn clinical psychologist, systemic family psychotherapist

It is important for parents not to condemn self-injurious behavior, because suicidal thoughts can be behind it. You need to show sympathy and participation and understand what is behind the desire to harm yourself. But don't be too persistent.

Baby masturbates

People become interested in their genitals as early as infancy. Masturbation is normal. Therefore, you do not need to panic, beat your hands, blame the Internet and bad company. Realize that the child has already grown up and learn how to knock on the door.

Eva Smakovskaya psychologist, analyst "Infocorpus"

If you find a child masturbating, don't be intimidated. This means that he develops within the framework of the norm and learns himself. Make sure that the child feels safe, has a personal space.

The child watches horror films all the time

Horror films help children cope with their inner fears and experiences: they try on the life of the heroes and live it with them. This does not mean that the child will become a maniac in the future. However, the psychologist advises to observe the child's mood after watching.

If the child is calm after watching the horrors, then it is unlikely that the parents should sound the alarm. If he becomes agitated, it is worth helping the child limit viewing, not watching horror films in the evening or watching them together.

Anastasia Menn

The child refuses to eat what I cook

If he looks good and feels great, then don't worry. Perhaps he had a snack on the way, or he doesn't like what you are cooking. If the child began to rapidly lose weight, looks depressed, worries about his appearance, then it is better to see a doctor: the child could have anorexia nervosa or depression.

If the child refuses to eat in principle, although he has eaten normally before, it is worth checking his health, asking how he is feeling, and going to the doctor. You also need to consider what has happened in his life recently, whether there were traumatic events.

Eva Smakovskaya

The child is constantly crying

Most likely, your child is overwhelmed by hormones and he cannot cope with them yet. This is fine. However, too frequent tears can indicate depression and neurosis. See if there are any other symptoms. Perhaps you need a consultation with a psychotherapist.

It is advisable, when the child is crying, to say out loud his emotions: "You are sad now, it is insulting."It has been proven that the verbalization of the emotional state reduces stress.

Anastasia Menn

The child is constantly rude to me and brings me to tears

This does not mean that your child is a soulless egoist and wishes you death. He just entered the stage of protest and wants to gain independence as soon as possible. To reduce the degree of aggression, give him a little freedom: allow him to walk longer, choose what he likes. However, the parents should set the limits of what is permissible. You remain in charge.

If the child is rude, then he must understand that this will lead to certain consequences: a shopping trip on the weekend or a trip to an amusement park will be canceled. But it’s just as important to show that you don’t stop loving him despite this behavior.

Anastasia Menn

The child has become very withdrawn, does not communicate with peers

Either he quarreled with friends, or he got depressed, or he transferred all communication online, and you didn't even notice. In any case, figure out what is wrong. Express your interest and be ready to hear any revelation.

If, in addition to isolation, there are problems with food and sleep, depressed mood, passivity, you should contact a psychotherapist.

Anastasia Menn

The child constantly wears black clothes

Everything is fine. He tries to express belonging to a certain style, to convey some kind of message. Do not judge him, even if it seems to you that the child looks untidy and defiant. Ask him why he likes black clothes so much, what it means.

Choosing clothes is one way of expressing yourself. By itself, a child's black clothes are not a cause for concern for parents.

Anastasia Menn

The child does nothing, only sits on the Internet

If this does not affect his academic performance in any way, there is no need to worry. If the child began to skip school, lie, stay up late, then perhaps he developed a gambling or Internet addiction. In this case, do not create a scandal - this will only make it worse. Talk to him honestly and openly. Maybe this will help. If not, visit a therapist.

It is better to offer him those activities that were previously attractive to him, to pay attention to his emotions and experiences, to help him cope with them.

Anastasia Menn

The child listens to a kind of music

No music, including metal, does not provoke the development of mental illness. It is just a means of self-expression. If you are annoyed by what your child is listening to, buy them headphones or ask them to turn them down. Do not judge its taste in any way.

Trying to understand and listen to music that your child enjoys is a good way to show interest and respect for his or her personality.

Anastasia Menn

A child watches too much anime

This is okay, only if the child has not stopped eating, sleeping and learning. In this case, you should be on your guard.

There is nothing wrong or dangerous in hooking up to anime or getting to know a new culture, except when the main plot involves the suicide of the main character. Ask what the child is watching to see if it's worth worrying.

Eva Smakovskaya

The child says he does not want to live

This is a cry for help, and you need to act. Show your child that you can be trusted, promise not to scold. Ask for what happened and get ready for any discoveries. The child could endure traumatic events and now it is really hard for him.

Such words need to be taken seriously, even if it seems that it is a game and a desire to attract attention. Also in this situation, support is needed by the parents themselves.

Anastasia Menn