How to get a divorce in a civilized way and start a new relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

You can get divorced in different ways. But everyone wants to get out of the crisis with minimal losses, and then become happy again. Ekaterina Khorikova's guide to life "How to start living and not screw up" contains excellent advice on this matter.

Life is unpredictable. It seems that the couple will be infinitely happy, but after a while alarm bells appear, developing into a real roar of a farewell melody of tears, resentments and partings.

So you've decided to part ways. What's next?

Disperse immediately

There is no point in wasting each other's nerves on tantrums, comebacks, stormy explanations and another slamming of the door. The most important thing is to calm down the inner angry beast, bring feelings into an adequate state and try to return a normal outlook.

Leave immediately and permanently. Increasing your distance is one of the most important first steps.

Take only the essentials with you. The rest can be picked up later by asking friends for help or hiring movers. Just check with your ex when he is not at home.

Don't cultivate the sufferer

If the initiator of the divorce is your other half, then you should not hang the label of an eternal loser on yourself and cry into your pillow at night.

At some point, when everything settles down, you can, if, of course, you want to, discuss with a calm head all the reasons for your ex's act.

Now try to accept this fait accompli and remember that you are a person who calmly survived more than one parting. And at this moment, only you are able to support yourself and put yourself on your feet.

Don't sprinkle ashes on your head

Are you the initiator of the divorce? Just admit your act and ask what is the most appropriate way out of the situation for the person you have offended and offended. They may not want to see you again. Or they will ask you to give time to deal with the confusion in your head.

Calmly agree that you were not up to par, but do not let us sit on your neck.

Do not waste energy on self-deception and attempts to deny your ugly act. Even if the reason for the divorce is your ex-partner, there is no point in proving his guilt. In the end, you chose divorce as your least evil.

Don't lie to parents and children

Hiding from your parents the fact of divorce or its reason, you will not give them peace of mind and peace. On the contrary, the people closest to you will suffer from reticence and all kinds of assumptions.

Tell them that you will be sure to discuss this with them later, that now you only need to be left alone for a while.

Children always feel what is happening and suffer as much as you do. They just rarely talk about it. Divorce is a difficult test for all family members, but you need to try to make it as painless as possible for children.

The only thing that you will achieve by silence is that the child will choose the most suffering of the two of you and take his side.

Take care of the child's psyche and try to follow a few rules:

• Don't make your child a girlfriend or boyfriend. Remain for him a loving adult who does not advise on how to behave and does not ask him to keep the secrets of mental anguish.
• Show him that you know how to proceed and that you are in control.
• Let him know that the child will always have the opportunity to communicate with both parents who still love him.

Don't run away from pain

All will pass. Not now. And not in a month. You will have to realize and accept a new life, try to get used to it and adjust for yourself. Even if the divorce is formally completed, it will still continue in your heart for several months.

Don't run away from pain. Pain within reason is life. We'll have to go through unpleasant sensations. It will not be possible to bypass them sideways.

Don't start a new relationship right away just to drown out memories. After changing a few partners, you will still return to where you started. Give yourself time. From time to time it will seem to you that you do not feel anything, and then you will be covered with emotions with renewed vigor.

It will pass. This pain, disgust, feeling of emptiness and worthlessness are all temporary.

As a rule, the period of experiences lasts no more than a year. So gather your strength and cheer yourself up. Everything will definitely work out.

Don't generalize

After a negative experience, it is very difficult to refrain from spreading it to everyone and everything. "All men are goats!" Stop stop.

The ability to organize and isolate similar difficulties in relationships is sometimes beneficial. But by generalizing, you depersonalize your ex-partner or partner, turning them into soulless schemes, mummies from the past.

The man himself disappears. And was he? Who do you fall in love with? Is it in him or in the image? Maybe you fell in love with the very desire to be in love? Or your desires and fears?

Think back to your relationship. How did you meet, first emotions, words of love, first kiss. How did you spend your time, what you laughed at, what difficulties you went through together.

If you fell in love not with a specific person, but with your ideas about him, then he will not be able to correspond to them.

Analyze what you expect from the relationship, what kind of person you want to see next to you. Think about whether you are ready to let a real person into your life, and not a collective image from your dreams, ideas and aspirations.

Remember that absolutely all people are different and deserve true love. Mentally thank your ex-soul mate for the wonderful moments and let go in peace. A new, exciting future awaits you!

"How to start living and not screw it up", Ekaterina Khorikova