Why you can be happier if you learn to admit your mistakes

The very idea that we can be wrong provokes the fiercest resistance in us. And this is understandable. In Think Again, psychologist Adam Grant writes that the human mind is full of cognitive distortions that seem to scream, "You're right, ignore any evidence to the contrary!" These include, for example:

Confirmation bias. People tend to hear and remember only information that supports their opinion. Other data is simply ignored.
Anchoring effect (anchoring). It occurs when you rely too much on one key information - usually the first one you hear about a person, object or situation - and form your opinion solely on it.
The illusion of truth. When it seems to a person that he sees and evaluates the situation more accurately and more rationally than others.

In fact, there are many more cognitive biases that make us ardently believe that we are right.

These biases are like a moat full of crocodiles that we have dug around our own point of view. They turn us into hermits, confident that everything new that breaks through this ditch will cause irreparable damage and cause suffering.

However, in the end, not the ability to argue, but the ability to hear someone else's opinion, take it into account and rethink your point of view can make your life easier and better. This is a skill worth learning.

Why is it bad to believe that you're always right

Psychologist Adam Grant believes that self-righteousness and inability to hear arguments against lead to failure. Sometimes disastrous. Like the defeat of Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential race. Hillary considered herself a clear favorite, and her political strategists did not even see Trump as a serious rival. The more painful for them was the collision with reality.

If your goal is to find out the truth, then the ability to admit that you are wrong is essential. Philosophers call the willingness to hear and accept a different opinion epistemic humility.

How humility helps us to be content with life

Around the turn of the 5th century, Saint Augustine instructed his disciple: “First of all - humility. Second, humility. And thirdly, humility. I will repeat this every time you need my advice. About a thousand years before Augustine, the Buddha taught in the Dutthatthaka Sutta that attachment to one's attitudes and opinions is a separate source of human suffering.

Modern science confirms the words of philosophers. For example, psychologists have found that people who know how to listen to the advice of others, admit they were wrong, and reconsider their views are less anxious and less likely to suffer from depression. However, they are more likely to report that they are satisfied with life and generally happy.

How to learn to admit that you are wrong and listen to your opponents

This can be challenging. Even if you decide not to get attached to your beliefs and calmly accept someone else's opinion, the moat with crocodiles has not gone anywhere. Every time someone disagrees with your position, you will feel as if you are personally being attacked.

To cope with resentment and the urge to argue desperately, you need to change the way you think. Here are five tips to help you do this.

1. Realize that stubbornness damages your reputation

The inner hermit aggressively defends his righteousness for a simple reason. He is afraid that by admitting a mistake, he will look incompetent. And this is dangerous. The human brain has gone through a long evolution and knows: stupid people quickly die, they are kicked out or eaten. Therefore, the ancient limbic part of the brain makes you fight fiercely even for doomed ideas. But, as practice shows, this is the wrong way.

In one study, psychologists tracked how scientists reacted when they learned that the results of their work did not replicate in other experiments - that is, they were probably wrong. This is a common situation in academia. Surprisingly, the reputation of those researchers who admitted they were wrong, and did not continue to argue, suffered much less.

Hence the conclusion: if you feel that you may be wrong, the best way to save face is to simply admit it.

2. Act by contradiction

One method of dealing with self-destructive behavior is the counter-signaling strategy. For example, when you feel forgotten and abandoned, the last thing you want to do is communicate with other people. But only this will help you get rid of the feeling of your own uselessness.

When your ideas are criticized, try to counter them too. Give up protection. Instead, be open about it. When someone says that you are wrong, answer: "Please tell us more."

This skill is acquired with experience. Think of friends who think differently and like to argue with you. Use them as a safe trainer to hone your openness.

3. Try not to document your beliefs

Everything once said on Facebook or Twitter is accumulated, perpetuated. By changing your point of view, you become vulnerable to criticism: haters can always find your publication a year or five years ago and throw it in your face. And it hurts.

Solution: Don't document your beliefs, especially controversial ones, online. Share your thoughts, ideas, principles with loved ones, and not with strangers from social networks.

4. Start small

Suppose you want to learn to admit that you are wrong and hear your opponents. It can be difficult, especially when it comes to some global things. For example, religion or political beliefs.

Better to start with less significant topics. Try to reconsider your attitude to fashion trends. Or the choice of the sports team you support. Take a look at the things you've taken for granted for a long time and assess them as impartially as possible. And only then try to listen to the opinion of your opponents.

Research that looks at goal setting clearly demonstrates that when we begin to change attitudes towards irrelevant things, we develop the ability to rethink our own opinions. This skill can then be applied to more meaningful and global ideas.

5. Remember that changing your mind is not a weakness

The great economist Paul Samuelson once taught us all a good lesson. In 1948, he published what is arguably the world's most famous textbook on economics. By updating the book, Paul changed his estimate of the inflation rate that would be acceptable in a healthy macroeconomy. At first, this level was 5%. Samuelson then lowered it to 3%. Later - up to 2%.

The change was noticed by many. The Associated Press even published an article with the sarcastic title "The author must decide." In 1970, after Samuelson was awarded the Nobel Prize, he commented on this claim.

Paul Samuelson Economist, Nobel Laureate in Economics

When the situation changes, I adjust my opinion based on the data that has opened. What are you doing?

This is a good question. And a great strategy. Whenever new information comes up or someone's opponents are just making a great argument, stop and rethink your position. And do it openly.

Of course, admitting mistakes can seem like a daunting task at first. But in the end, you have nothing to lose but a crocodile ditch.