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2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44
How to deal with cognitive dissonance and maintain self-esteem.
No matter how hard we try, sometimes we are all wrong. Admitting our own mistakes is not easy, so sometimes we stubbornly stick to our own, instead of facing the truth.
The cognitive dissonance
Our tendency to confirm our point of view forces us to seek and find evidence of our own innocence, even if there is none. In such situations, we experience what psychology calls cognitive dissonance. This is the discomfort of the collision of our attitudes, beliefs and ideas about ourselves, contradicting each other.
Let's say you consider yourself a kind person. Being rude to someone will make you feel very uncomfortable. To deal with this, you will begin to deny that you were wrong and look for excuses for being rude.
Why do we cling to our delusions
Cognitive dissonance threatens our perception of self. To reduce the feeling of discomfort, we are forced to either change our opinion about ourselves, or admit that we are wrong. Of course, in most cases, we take the path of least resistance.
Perhaps you will try to get rid of the discomfort by finding an explanation for your error. Psychologist Leon Festinger put forward the theory of cognitive dissonance in the middle of the last century when he was studying a small religious community. Members of this community believed that the end of the world would come on December 20, 1954, from which they would be able to escape on a flying saucer. In his book When the Prophecy Failed, Festinger described how, after the failed apocalypse, members of the sect persisted in adhering to their beliefs, arguing that God simply decided to spare people. By clinging to this explanation, sectarians dealt with cognitive dissonance.
The feeling of dissonance is very unpleasant, and we do our best to get rid of it. When we apologize, we admit we were wrong and accept dissonance, which is quite painful.
Studies show that persisting in our wrongness often makes us feel better than admitting it. Scientists have noticed that those who refuse to apologize for their mistakes suffer less from a decrease in self-esteem, loss of authority and control over the situation than those who admit they were wrong and apologize.
When we apologize, we are, as it were, handing over power to another person who can relieve us of our awkwardness and forgive us, or may not accept our apologies and add to our mental anguish. Those who choose not to apologize initially experience a sense of power and strength.
This feeling of power seems to be very attractive, but in the long run it comes with unpleasant consequences. By refusing to apologize for our mistakes, we jeopardize the trust on which the relationship is held, as well as prolong the conflict, accumulate aggression and incite a desire for revenge.
By not admitting our mistakes, we reject constructive criticism that helps us break bad habits and get better.
Another study by scientists at Stanford showed that people are more likely to take responsibility for their mistakes when they feel confident that they can change their own behavior. However, such confidence is not easy.
How to learn to admit your mistakes
The first thing to do is learn to notice manifestations of cognitive dissonance in yourself. Typically, it makes itself felt by confusion, stress, mental imbalance, or guilt. These feelings do not necessarily mean that you are wrong. However, they clearly indicate that it would not hurt to take an impartial look at the situation and try to objectively answer the question of whether you are right or not.
It is also worth learning to recognize your usual excuses and explanations. Think of the situations in which you were wrong and knew about it, but tried to justify yourself in one way or another. Remember how you felt when you struggled to find rational reasons for your controversial behavior. The next time you have these feelings, treat them as an indicator of cognitive dissonance.
Remember that people tend to forgive more often and more than they seem. Honesty and objectivity speaks of you as an open person to deal with.
In situations where you are clearly wrong, your reluctance to admit it shows you a lack of self-confidence. The one who fiercely defends his delusions literally screams about his weakness.
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