How to enjoy being alone on Valentine's Day

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Valentine's Day is coming soon. Don't have a pair? Then read this article to the end. You will find out why spending this holiday alone is a pleasure, not a despondency.

The city is filled with the scent of flowers and chocolate, and the social media feeds are filled with vanilla posts. This day is near …

You can relate to Valentine's Day in different ways: "obscurantism", "a holiday imposed by the West", "pumping out money." But 80% of young people celebrate Valentine's Day: they prepare gifts, make valentines, make appointments.

What to gift?

Look what a surprise my beloved made me!

Borrow money?

You can't run away from the pre-holiday information noise.

How not to get depressed here if you don't have a couple and you have to celebrate Valentine's Day alone?

But is it worth it to be upset? We will prove to you that spending Valentine's Day alone is great.

The psychology of loneliness

Who is a loner?

It is generally believed that this is a person without family and friends. But loneliness is a state of mind that has nothing to do with the presence or absence of loved ones.

The phenomenon of loneliness is complex and ambiguous. Sociologists, anthropologists, philosophers and psychologists have been trying to understand its nature for a long time to this day. In psychology, there are several areas of study of this phenomenon. Some of them are negative, others are positive.

Loneliness as self-destruction

Representatives of the psychoanalytic approach (Freud, Zilburg, Fromm-Reichmann) believe that adult loneliness is rooted in childhood experiences. According to Freud, loneliness is a reflection of such traits as narcissism, megalomania and aggressiveness. Zilburg agreed with his colleague and clearly distinguished between loneliness and solitude. He considered the latter the norm: a person chooses a narrow social circle and does not seek to expand it. Fromm-Reichman, like other representatives of this trend, considered loneliness "an extreme state" that negatively affects the personality.

Another area is cognitive. The main ideologists of this approach are American social psychologists Daniel Perlman and Letitia Ann Peplo. In their opinion, a person finds himself in the “maze of loneliness” due to the discrepancy between the desired and achieved levels of social contacts. People do not correspond to the expectations of the individual, ideas about behavior in relation to him. Cognitive dissonance occurs - a person identifies himself as a loner (“no one understands me”) and begins to feel a sense of loneliness. And vice versa: a person can be completely alone, but not consider himself lonely and not experience this feeling. Thus, cognitivists see loneliness as a kind of constructor of consciousness.

If someone is alone, this does not mean that he is thus alone, just as if someone is in a crowd, it does not mean that he is not alone. Epictetus

Another interesting and relevant approach from the point of view of the “digitization of society” is the sociological one. In 1946, American sociologist David Risman took charge of the study of mass communications at the University of Chicago, and four years later published the book "Lonely Crowd". In it, Riesman analyzed the impact of modernization on human behavior and consciousness.

The scientist identified three social types: traditionally oriented, outside oriented and inside oriented. The lonely crowd is an outsider-oriented people. Their thoughts and actions are directed by external factors. Such people want to be liked. They constantly adapt to gain the approval of those around them. They are worried about the presence or absence of attention to themselves. Moreover, their requirements are overestimated. Seeing that people are not friendly and caring enough (not as much as they would like), they feel lonely.

Riesman's followers Slater and Bowman saw loneliness as a product of social forces. In an individualistic society, it is impossible to achieve satisfaction in communication, it is impossible to feel the involvement of people. It creates loneliness.

Lonely people talk to themselves and often continue to do so in the company. Mason Cooley

Indeed, a modern person can be lonely, even being in the thick of things. Social media and internet communication are driving the growth of surface connections.

How many social media friends do you have? Are you really friends?

As a result, a person does not receive the necessary emotional response (“Hello”), there is a feeling of misunderstanding by others and dissimilarity to them. Gradually, this model of thinking becomes a habit - loneliness becomes a process. A person neglects real communication, preferring to “scamper on the Net”. As a result, the status of the subject of social life is lost: even at a party, even in the circle of relatives, a person feels lonely.

These (and some others) approaches see loneliness as a destructive principle: it torments and destroys a person. But there are scientists who believe that loneliness can be creative. This is a condition for creativity, self-knowledge and self-realization.

Loneliness as self-actualization

The humanist Maslow considered loneliness a normal, even necessary human need. If, of course, a person strives for self-knowledge, self-improvement and self-actualization. True self-knowledge is impossible outside of loneliness.

The existentialists have a similar position (Karl Mustakas, Irwin Yalom and others). They also see being alone as a natural human phenomenon. It is inherent in the psyche by nature itself.

… a person has the sacred right to loneliness, because through the moment of loneliness, a personality is born, self-knowledge of a person, in loneliness one experiences the singularity and uniqueness of his "I". N. A. Berdyaev

Positive psychology also does not see anything fatal in loneliness. Loneliness, like any feeling, is subjective. Its color - negative or positive - depends on the person himself.

How Valentine's Day will turn out for you - despondency or an upsurge of strength - depends on you. We will show you how to spend it with benefit and pleasure for yourself.

Valentine's Day alone

Mantras

To change the psychological mood and meet this holiday alone, but with a smile, you need to give yourself the right mindset.

pros

The next step in changing the paradigm of perception of loneliness is to seek benefits.

Saving … The flower, chocolate and teddy bear sellers love this holiday. To skimp on gifts for a loved one, and even on such a day - how can you ?! Your money will remain with you. And if you buy flowers and sweets, then your beloved.
freedom … You don't have to be surprised and fit. You can be yourself. You don't have to be brand new, do your hair or shave. If on this day you wake up in the mood to walk in ripped jeans and an outstretched sweater, you can safely afford it.
Time … You will have a whole evening (or even a day) for yourself. Just you and your favorite music, your favorite food, your favorite activities. You don't need to adjust to anyone. Just enjoy your time.

Things to do

There are many options. Let's start with what not to do:

Don't surf social media and read #HappyValentinesDay posts.
Don't be annoyed with congratulations. Do not be foaming at the mouth to explain the history and meaning of the holiday to a colleague who has included (him) you in an SMS-mailing. Perhaps she (he) is just in a good mood?
Do not accept invitations from couple friends to spend February 14 together: ruin the day for yourself and for them.

Instead of this:

Do it. Get rid of dirt and unnecessary things. It has been proven to boost your mood.
Go to the gym. If you have long wanted to start playing sports, then the time has come. Spend the evening in the gym, go to the pool or spa. Show love for your health.
Prepare something delicious. Find the unusual and bring it to life. Don't forget about serving and serving - aren't you worthy of beautiful dishes and candles? So you will pump your culinary skill and pamper yourself with a delicious dish.
Watch a movie (just no melodramas!), Read a book, play video games - in a word, do something you love.

Alone, the ugly duckling has time to think about the meaning of life, friendship, read a book and help other people. This is the path of becoming a swan. This is why ugly ducklings are happy. Marlene Dietrich

Whether or not you feel lonely meeting Valentine's Day alone is up to you. We hope this article helped you reimagine loneliness as such and proved that Valentine's Day can be “renamed” to Self-Love Day. If you do not love yourself, no one will love. Love yourself, and then, perhaps, the next February 14 you will not be alone.

Those who already have a couple will find these articles useful.;)