How to enjoy problems without being a masochist

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

We all know that life is imperfect. We all want to fix this. But if you set a goal to achieve a carefree life in which there are no problems and losses, then disappointment and despondency are inevitable. Therefore, today we will talk about improving life through improving our attitude towards it.

It was a chilly March evening. Everything around was gray and gloomy, cold and damp. It was no better inside me: I found myself alone in an unfamiliar metropolis, without work, housing, life prospects and completely without money. So I had to walk to get to a friend who agreed to receive me …

At a friend's house, the situation was no less oppressive. The only plus: it was warm and dry. I sat on the couch with my legs tucked in, thinking about what a loser I am. Meanwhile, my friend was complaining about his life. And, it would seem, this should have made me even more despondent, but in reality it initiated a chain of thoughts, the conclusion of which drastically changed my life.

It all started with bewilderment: “How so? I thought. - He has a home, work, prospects, and he sits and whines ?! The next thing I realized was that I was no different from him. The problem was not what we have and what is happening in life, but in our attitude to all this.

Within 5 minutes, I calmed and encouraged my friend, experiencing completely different feelings and emotions. And after another 10 minutes the phone rang, and I found out that I have a job and a place to live.

I cannot say that from that day on I began to get pleasure and joy from problems. Illumination does not lead to a change in thinking, but leads to a change in the direction of its development. And this is not a quick process.

More than 12 years have passed since then, and life only confirmed that sudden insight. I went from “never be discouraged, because there is no reason for this” to “the problem is cool !!!”. You can get acquainted with the first one on the pages of the Lifehacker under the heading "No excuses". With the second - in this article. Start over.

The first and foremost step is humility

There is such a prayer: "God, give me the strength to change what I can change, give me humility to accept what I cannot change, and wisdom to distinguish one from the other." In our case, a lot of wisdom is not needed to understand: there will always be problems.

Even the amoeba has problems, what can we say about a person then. Therefore, we have a choice: to struggle unsuccessfully for a carefree life or to accept that there will not be a time when problems will disappear forever.

But resigning does not mean giving up. Humility is victory. You can whine and grumble at cloudy weather, spoiling the mood for yourself and others even more. Or you can come to terms with the fact that it is not in your power to disperse the clouds, and come up with some interesting fun activity for yourself, your family and friends.

You need to learn humility. This makes life much easier and makes it much brighter and more joyful. Of course, as mentioned above, there are problems that can and should be solved. More on this below. But the fact that problems will periodically arise throughout life, you just need to accept. This is the beginning of a change in attitude towards problems.

Remember the past, look to the future, live in the present

I think each of us had problems in our lives that seemed to have no solution. But we are still alive, breathing, smiling and even enjoying life. And it doesn't matter if that problem was solved or destroyed our life, but everything worked out and adjusted.

Remember this the next time something like this happens. Perhaps the problem will be more serious than the previous destructive problem, but only because you have become stronger. And smarter, if, of course, today's problem is not the result of the same mistakes. But in any case, the past can tell us that everything is not as scary for our future as it seems in the present.

Manage your emotions and thoughts

Most believe that if we can still control our thoughts, then emotions and feelings are beyond our control. But this is not the case. Of course, we have to admit that it is sometimes difficult to manage thoughts, and emotions and feelings are even more difficult, but still it is possible.

I am writing this as a person who, because of his falling in love, caused a lot of pain to himself and others in the past, but once decided not to allow himself to fall in love "left and right." People who know me well consider this change in me one of the wonders of the world.

Therefore, each of us needs to understand and agree that emotions and feelings are our personal choice. Understand, agree and take responsibility for this choice. Whether you feel discouraged or determined to win is up to you.

Control words and facial expressions

Of course, it all starts with thoughts and feelings, but it is also true that our words and facial expressions affect thoughts, emotions and feelings. So don't let yourself whine and complain. Remember that negative feelings consume a lot more energy than positive ones.

Find at least five reasons to be grateful and write them down, or better yet, tell others about them. Smile. Smile sincerely. Oddly enough, this too can be learned.

For starters, you can think of something pleasant and light, which in itself makes you smile. For example, I think about my wife, parents, brother or close friends. Memorize the "state of the smile", explore and savor. Over time, you will be able to choose this state, as you choose a suit for the day.

Find benefit

I am deeply convinced that in every problem there is something useful for us. Challenges can make us stronger, more experienced, wiser, and more successful. Even an unsolved problem can make us better and teach us a lot.

Bodo Schaefer in his book "The Laws of Winners" tells the story of a fire in Edison's laboratory, where all of his research and developments burned down. He stood, hugging his wife, and said something like: “Darling! Well, isn't that wonderful! All our mistakes and failures burn out here! We have such a great chance to start everything from scratch! ".

Give the problem a different name

With each word we have not only visual associations, but also emotional ones. And it is unlikely that positive emotions are associated with the word "problem".

Therefore, I propose to call problems another word, and based on the previous advice, you can call your problems tasks or tasks that you need to solve. If you are an RPG lover, you can call problems quests.

In any case, the word should be appropriate in meaning, but carry a positive emotional connotation. The mathematician becomes smarter, solving more and more complex problems, the athlete becomes stronger after each workout, the character - "pumped up" after each quest. Find what you like and take a new name from there for your problems.

Enjoy vigorous activity

We all love to lie on the couch, but I think every reader of Lifehacker knows that a person gets real pleasure and satisfaction only from vigorous activity.

Remember the last time when you succeeded in something, you finally understood something that you could not figure out for a long time, or overcame yourself in something. What emotions filled you? What drive and inspiration!

Think also about the fact that, for example, a vacation in England is a lot of problems. The head is spinning from how much needs to be prepared, bought and issued. Hiking with friends, skydiving …

Problems are the same action. It's just that we didn't choose it, but life slipped it to us. But we can get no less pleasure from overcoming them.

Rejoice at new mistakes

Can you learn to ride a bike in the office by reading books on how to ride a bike? Can you learn this without ever falling? Most of our skills are learned through mistakes and failures. This is a natural process. The losers were not the one who fell, but the one who decided not to get up.

But again, pay attention to the subheading. This is the point. If the error is repeated more than two times, then this is already an alarm signal. Get yourself a bug folder where you will enter all your mistakes, and go through it periodically so as not to repeat yourself. Or, if you keep a diary and use an electronic version, add yourself the "Errors" tag, as I did in the application.

On the other hand, we often cannot even say whether we made a mistake or not, since we do not know what would have happened if we had chosen another option. Perhaps it would be even worse. And more often than not, we will never know. So do not be afraid of mistakes, but rejoice at them, as if not very pleasant, but a very good teacher.

Find the right support

Sometimes it is very difficult, and we need the support of relatives or friends. Just avoid those who will blame the state for your problems, your neighbor, your boss … Avoid those who will whine with you and pity you unfortunate.

Find someone who will try to encourage, inspire, and motivate you to take decisive action.

Don't look for problems

As much as your enjoyment of problems is, don't seek them out. There are many things in life that bring more joy and satisfaction. Spend your time with family and friends, self-education, relaxation and growth. Read Lifehacker and practice smart tips for preventing problems. And when they come, remember what you learned from this article, and don't forget how to solve all the problems.