Why are we unhappy and how to change it

High expectations

We live in a world where emotional reward is tied to wealth. But people dream not of the luxury goods or money themselves, but of the attention and respect (and even love) that are given to those who have these objects.

Added to all this are our high expectations. Parents tell us from childhood that we can become anything if we only try. They constantly convince us that we are special. But growing up, we do not feel that way at all, and our expectations are often not met. This is one of the reasons why we are unhappy.

Too many choices

It would seem that one should be glad that there are so many opportunities in the modern world. But what if we still don't succeed, even though we spent a lot of money on education, and my mother said that we can become who we want?

To answer these questions, it is worth looking into the self-help books section of a bookstore. Most likely, one half of the books will be titled something like this: "How to Succeed in 15 Minutes" or "How to Get Rich Fast", and the other half - "How to deal with low self-esteem." These two themes are closely related.

A society that tells people that anyone can achieve anything when only a few are actually successful generates dissatisfaction and frustration.

Organization of society

Perhaps one of the first questions that we hear when meeting someone: "What are you doing?" And how many nerves we spend answering it. After all, having heard the answer, the interlocutor makes a decision in a split second whether it is worth getting to know us better.

Society is generally unfair. Only before we at least knew about this: it is not your fault that you were born a peasant, and it is not your merit if you were born rich.

But now we are told that our society is organized according to the principle of meritocracy: the reward is received by those who deserve it - smart and stubborn. As inspiring as these words seem, they make us even more miserable. After all, if we believe that those who are at the top of success deserve their position, then those who are at the very bottom also get what they deserve. Meritocracy makes poverty seem not only unpleasant, but in some way deserved.

Therefore, it turns out that when someone asks: “What are you doing?”, He is not interested in what you are doing during the day. He is actually asking, "Are you a winner or a loser?"

How to be happy

1. Stop believing in meritocracy. Luck and coincidences largely determine our success.

2. Find your own definition of success, rather than relying on the notion imposed by society. You can succeed in very different ways.

Most often, success has nothing to do with status and income, although now many people understand it that way.

Of course, money can be one of the components of success, but not the only one.

3. Don't let your self-worth depend entirely on your outer accomplishments. This does not mean that it is absolutely impossible to strive for wealth. It's just that there are so many virtues that do not fall into the answer to the unceremonious question "What are you doing?" Don't forget about them.

4. Most importantly, find a fulfilling job.

How to find a fulfilling job

Curiously, the very idea that work can be rewarding, not just a source of income, appeared not so long ago. Previously, people did not have such a requirement. Now we not only want to earn money with our labor, but also to realize ourselves with its help.

In the era of pre-industrial society, there were at best 2,000 different professions. Now there are about half a million of them. Naturally, we are so afraid to make the wrong choice that more often than not we choose nothing at all and fall into a kind of stupor. Psychologists call this the paradox of choice.

What to do? Recognize that confusion and fear are natural reactions, but don't let them always affect you.

1. First, write down everything you love to do. Tinkering in the garden, cooking, watching TV - absolutely everything. Do not think about money at all, it will only ruin everything. Once you've made the list, you will have an idea of your ideal future. Of course, it will be very vague and will require careful analysis.

2. So the second step is to think well. Sometimes it can take a whole week to choose a new car, so choosing the right career can take a year or more of constant reflection. Don't blame yourself for taking so long. You may have to spend an entire weekend on this for several months.

3. When you've thought about everything carefully, it's time to act. Gather information on your list, for example as part of an internship or volunteering. Don't leave your old job right away. Just do something to learn more about your chosen field.

4. Build your confidence. Usually it seems to us that only a select few can be confident. It's not like that at all. Lack of confidence is a lack of understanding of how the surrounding world works.

Next time someone asks: “What do you do?”, Tell us what you like to do: run, listen to music, ride a skateboard, walk the dog, travel, read books … Or just tell me not to pester you with such stupid questions.