6 parenting attitudes that prevent us from living

1. What will people think?

“Why don’t you want to go to college? What will I say at work? " “What are you hooking up with? Everyone will think that you are crazy! " “Will you celebrate the New Year separately? And how will I look my relatives in the eyes?"

Because of such statements, the child gets used to focus not on his needs and feelings, but on the crowd of picky and eternally disgruntled spectators, who, of course, watch his every step and at any moment are ready to shake their heads condemningly if he does something wrong … As a result, a person feels shame and guilt in front of these mythical “everyone” for any act that breaks the conventional “norm” into a bad or good side. And he does not dare to go beyond the framework and do something non-standard just because some people think something wrong.

Such an attitude was previously justified - people were very dependent on how their environment treated them. Falling into disgrace for "wrong" behavior, a person could lose help and support, be isolated. But this is no longer the case. And it makes no difference what colleagues from my mother’s work, cousin, former classmates, or even strangers on the street think.

2. Don't touch, it's for New Years

Surely almost everyone had this. In the refrigerator there is a delicious cut, a jar of caviar or corn, but as soon as a hand reaches for them, a stern parental voice is heard from behind: “No! This is for the New Year! " An elegant dress or shirt, too, cannot be put on just like that: "This is for a holiday!" And beautiful plates were taken out of the closet only when guests came to the house.

Yes, there were times when things like a jar of caviar or beautiful dishes were difficult to acquire. Many parents and grandparents lived in such conditions that a spoiled holiday dress meant only one thing: there was no more dress, and a new one might not be expected.

But now, fortunately, this is not the case. Most people have long been able to afford new clothes, a service, and caviar, even if not every day. But at the same time, internal greed and the desire to save money on yourself and on your joy remain. And they deprive a person of positive emotions, forcing him to put good things on the back burner and live forever with a deficit thinking: “Don't try to spend, otherwise it will end and will never appear again”.

3. Who said it would be easy?

Such a phrase is usually pronounced in a situation where a person complains about difficulties and seeks support. But instead, he learns that life is generally continuous pain and suffering and it will not be possible to get something good just like that.

This thought, first of all, pretty much poisons existence. And secondly, it can lead to sad consequences. For example, a person does not leave an unloved job just because suffering and enduring, in his understanding, is an absolute norm - everyone lives like that. Or does not break off an unhappy relationship for the same reasons.

In order to get a good result, make a lot of money, learn something new or, say, build muscle, you really have to work hard. But this does not mean that life consists of continuous hardships and a person has no right to look for a job that will make him feel easy and joyful, or to meet someone who will love him just for what he is, and not for what deserved.

4. Where he was born, there he came in handy

Once upon a time in this idea, perhaps, there was some truth. A person, breaking away from home and family, remained completely alone, without support, and there were not many chances to gain a foothold and succeed in a new place. This means that moving to another city, and even more so to another country, was an unreasonably risky business.

Much has changed now. Yes, it is still harder without support than with it. But, first of all, you can also help at a distance, for example, with a money order or practical advice. And secondly, help and useful acquaintances appear in a person not only thanks to relatives.

Anyone who has conceived, for example, to emigrate, can join the groups of their compatriots - expats and find useful information, housing or even work there. More than 250 million people around the world live in a country other than where they were born. And we are talking specifically about international migration - statistics do not take into account those who moved to another city.

So the setting “Don't try to move, no one needs you outside of your hometown / your country” is absolutely wrong. It limits the possibilities of a person, does not allow him to live where he dreams, to overcome himself, to develop, to conquer new horizons.

5. Don't laugh - you will cry

A completely meaningless and merciless idea that stems from the old beliefs that joy is a sin, and laughter attracts evil spirits. Or from the idea of black and white stripes that should alternate continuously in life.

Almost any sane person, of course, understands that there is no logic here. But at the same time, somewhere deep inside, the attitude takes root quite well and makes many literally fear joy, be ashamed of it and even avoid it, consciously or not. This fear is called "cherophobia", and in order to get rid of it, sometimes you need to be in a psychotherapist's office.

6. Better tit in hand

The main thing is stability, and changing something in your life is an unjustified risk. You can, after all, lose what you have, which means that it is better to sit on the priest straight, not shine, not try to jump over your head and go to work, which brings, albeit an inferior, but stable income.

This attitude almost certainly grows out of fear of the unknown and is strongly associated with the difficult changes and upheavals that the older generation had to endure. But, alas, it leads to the fact that a person does not dare to leave the comfort zone and realize his dreams.