How secrets harm you and how to avoid it

Why Keeping Secrets Is Harmful

It would seem that there is a reasonable explanation for this: it is not easy to hide the truth. You need to constantly monitor what you say. If asked about a secret, one has to be careful not to puncture. Sometimes - to evade the answer or even deceive. Constant vigilance and secrecy is exhausting.

However, Michael's recent study of The experience of secrecy has shown that it is not the need to hide something that actually causes harm. Much worse is that we have to live with this secret and constantly think about it.

We have a strong idea of secrets: usually it is a conversation between two people, where one is actively trying to hide something from the other. In fact, this rarely happens.

Much more often, we only endlessly ponder our secrets.

They occupy all our thoughts, and this is what prevents us from truly enjoying life. Going over and over again to something that no one should know is very tedious, and it makes The Solitude of Secrecy: Thinking About Secrets Evokes Goal Conflict and Feelings of Fatigue feel lonely.

To better understand the harm of secrecy, Michael Slepian and other researchers decided to find out what people keep in secret and how often they have to do it. They found that 97% of people constantly hide at least one fact, and on average, each of them has 13.

The poll, which was attended by more than 5,000 people, showed that people usually want to hide personal preferences, desires, problems in relationships and sex, cheating, cheating and what could undermine their trust.

Michael and his colleagues also asked participants to rate how often they had to actively hide their secret in conversations and how often they thought about it outside of any social interactions.

So he saw the connection: the more people just think about their secrets, the worse they feel. And the very frequency of concealment does not affect well-being in any way.

How to help yourself in a similar situation

Researchers have studied Confiding Secrets and Well-Being, which happens when a person tells their secret to another. Both of them still need to be silent about him when talking to those who remain in the dark. However, the rest of the time they will think about it much less often.

Revealing the mystery brings a sense of relief. But this alone is not enough, the follow-up conversation is really helpful. When a person shares a secret with another, they usually receive emotional support, helpful advice, and help in return. It makes you feel more confident and helps to cope with the burden of what you had to hide.

Regular conversation can make you look at the problem in a new way. And when a person manages to take a sensible look at what torments him, he thinks less about it and thereby improves his own well-being. This is why sharing with loved ones is important.