How to negotiate with an aggressor

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Tips for when a client, partner or colleague is acting too emotionally, and you really need to resolve the issue.

Vadim Samylin Psychologist, head of the center for positive psychology "Lantern".

Difficult negotiations have happened in the life of every manager. Somewhere the fear of failure prevailed, somewhere knowledge failed, somewhere - emotions. But the most difficult dialogues in my practice were with the aggressors. It doesn't matter if it is a client or potential, partner or colleague. The main thing is that at such moments it is difficult to quickly navigate and remember everything that I read in books on the topic of business conversations in a raised voice.

Let's figure out why aggression occurs and what to do to achieve a result in emotional negotiations.

What reasons often cause aggression

Let's be frank: if the negotiations have reached the point of expressing open aggression, then these are no longer negotiations. As a rule, emotional garbage in the form of angry attacks is the last way to defend your boundaries or principles. There may be several reasons.

1. Hidden personal interests

Several years ago we were invited to present our system for monitoring the workload of personnel in a Russian bank. His director was positive, the implementation initiative came from him. The head of the security department was very unhappy with our visit.

Later, we learned that our direct competitors offered him a rollback if they bought their solution. So the man was very motivated to flunk us as students on the exam:

• At every phrase about the capabilities of the system, the advantages of using it, he shook his head in displeasure and expressed disbelief.
• When the time came for clarifying questions on functionality, I compared our offer with a competitor's product, trying to make the director doubt the choice.
• He interrupted if he realized that he could not get the conversation back on track and point out the disadvantages of our system.
• When he took the floor, he spoke loudly, leaned back in his chair, showing his disdain.

There are two ways out of this situation:

1. Switch your attention to a more loyal interlocutor, in our case it was the director. Do not be fooled by the aggressor's provocations, respond with restraint, give detailed answers to every question, keep calm in speech and gestures. In the situation described, the director eventually, having received detailed information about our proposal, stopped his colleague's "concert", and the deal was concluded.
2. If this is not the first meeting with the aggressor and his behavior in your presence does not change, curtail negotiations and draw conclusions. It is one thing when a person stands up in opposition for the sake of achieving a goal, it is another thing when he in himself such and such a manner of communication is his trick. Remember that people don't change, and this situation is 90% likely to happen again.

2. Lack of understanding

Every second in school years had an unloved subject and an unloved teacher, whom you could push around in the lesson or speak negatively about it in a circle of friends. Adults can do that too. It's just that not everyone has learned to react differently to incomprehensible new information.

A person is angry because he cannot delve into the topic, and to seem stupid is a blow to pride. Therefore, aggression is a way out for him. What to do? As a good teacher, look for other approaches and new ways of presenting information. As you prepare for the meeting, work through all possible objections and try to tell the same story in different ways. This will reduce the risk of being misunderstood.

3. Your words and behavior

It may happen that aggression is a reaction to your appearance, words and intonation. A colleague told me how one day guys from a startup came to a meeting. In general, everything went well, they were ready for the presentation, they answered questions competently. However, there was a "but": one of the delegates constantly began a new sentence with the phrase: "Well, here it is." It was distracting and annoying, so I even had to reprimand the speaker.

Therefore, always prepare for a performance and important meetings. Record your speech on video, simulate a dialogue with potential clients. And then - review and learn from mistakes.

How to deal with an aggressor

If you decide that you really need the aggressor as a client, partner or colleague, then pull yourself together and be ready to take a few steps.

1. Don't think of yourself as smarter and better

As soon as you silently awarded your opponent the title of "fool", there will be no constructive dialogue. You will not be able to communicate productively with someone you think is shortsighted and unprofessional.

2. Think like an opponent

Different people attach different meanings to the same problem. If a child breaks a finger, it is a horror for parents, for a doctor it is an ordinary case. It is the same, for example, with the client: what is irrelevant to you is very important to him. Listen to the aggressor, put yourself in his place, try to understand how much this state of affairs worries him. This will help you find a solution to the problem faster.

3. Look for a solution

Not independently, but together with an opponent. Hypothetical situation: the client expresses dissatisfaction: "The contract concluded earlier does not suit me, I must revise the conditions right now!" Here is your way out: "This situation can only be solved by you and me, let's discuss the options." Seeing your desire to help, the aggressor is more likely to meet halfway.

4. Speak and gesture correctly

• Apply self-statements. Replace the phrase “You are wrong and behave too emotionally” with “It is unpleasant for me to be shouted at. In a calm environment, we can solve the problem much faster. " In most cases, this approach yields excellent results and helps to calm the aggressor.
• Use open gestures. Do not cross your arms over your chest, do not hide your palms in the pockets of your trousers or clench them into fists: these poses set you up for negativity. Be open, keep your hands on the table or podium. When conducting a monologue, gesture with them fluently. Do not move away from the interlocutor, be in his area of attention.
• Be very sincere. People, especially those with extensive management experience, feel fake and emotional flirting. This is naturally repulsive.