Table of contents:
- 1. You are afraid of intimacy
- 2. You think you don't deserve good
- 3. You idealize relationships
- 4. You are too demanding
- 5. You dream of meeting your soul mate
- 6. You're rushing things too quickly
- 7. You need relationships for the sake of relationships
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 06:26
Mistakes and misconceptions that prevent meeting people, developing relationships and being happy.
1. You are afraid of intimacy
Perhaps something went wrong in your past relationship: you were hurt, your partner hurt you, the breakup turned out to be difficult. Or you had a difficult childhood - problems with your parents, difficulties at school.
As a result, you associate close relationships with something scary and unpleasant, you are afraid that you will be hurt again, and you do not allow potential partners to approach you. For example, you avoid contact with new people or start a relationship, and then, when they develop, withdraw into yourself.
This behavior could be a sign of counter-addiction, or it could mean that you have not yet had past negative experiences. Maybe you just need time. Or, if the situation has been going on for a long time, the help of a psychologist.
2. You think you don't deserve good
This may be due to self-doubt. You consider yourself unattractive, stupid, ridiculous and uninteresting - and you conclude that with such a set of negative qualities, no one is needed anyway.
This means that you just do not get to know people, you are afraid to show your feelings, to show yourself. Behave tightly, tighten up. You deliberately choose not those partners that you really like, but those whom you think you deserve: "I am ugly, so what's the point of even looking towards handsome men?"
The problem is that few of us are able to truly look at ourselves through the eyes of others.
Our perception of ourselves is distorted by negative experiences, attitudes and cognitive traps. There is a good chance that others see you as a charismatic, attractive, and intelligent person. But you will only know about this if you get out of your shell and try to communicate with someone you like.
3. You idealize relationships
Let's say you think that they should develop according to a strictly defined scenario - like in books or movies. Beautiful dates, flowers and gifts, common views, after the second meeting, kiss, after the fifteenth, move in, after a year of relationship get to know your parents and start planning a wedding. And so on and so forth.
And if something does not go according to plan (for example, you have different views on some issues or your partner takes longer to move to a new level of relationship), it confuses you. You get upset and doubts begin to plague you.
But there is no universal plot of ideal relationships, because living people with their own interests and needs participate in them.
It is worth accepting from the very beginning that reality may not correspond to a flawless fictional picture. However, this, of course, does not apply to those cases when the partner does something that is categorically unpleasant for you, or causes harm.
4. You are too demanding
Do you want to meet the perfect superman, without flaws, and do not agree for less. He must look a certain way (down to the color of his eyes, the shape of the fingers or the size of the waist), have a clear list of interests, and earn a specific amount.
Yes, to choose a partner according to the desired criteria - naturally, no one wants to be close to a person who is unsympathetic to him. But, firstly, these requests must be realistic: “looks impeccable, but at the same time does not spend money on hairdressers and cosmetologists” does not apply to these. As well as "earns great and at the same time never stays at work."
And secondly, being demanding is not the same as finding fault with trifles: "Well, no, you can't meet a person who puts commas incorrectly."
5. You dream of meeting your soul mate
The myth is very romantic, but, unfortunately, it can leave you alone. Believing in this idea, we are waiting for some kind of sign from above, love at first sight, flawless and harmonious relationships without a single disagreement.
And as a result, we miss out on interesting people with whom we could be happy.
It is important to remember that the story of the halves is just a beautiful fairy tale and sometimes you need to work on any relationship.
6. You're rushing things too quickly
Having barely met a person, you are already planning a life together, a wedding and children. From the first meetings, insist on physical intimacy. After a couple of weeks of relationship, drag your passion to meet your parents, confess your love and demand a return confession. Such pressure can scare a person, and the relationship will end without really starting.
It is important to listen to your partner, not to put pressure on him and move with him at the same pace. And at the same time, analyze what makes you force the situation: maybe it is not the person that is important to you, but the status of the relationship. Or you are not confident in yourself and are afraid that if you do not bind your partner as soon as possible, he will leave you. Perhaps, if you deal with such your attitudes, the relationship will be calmer and more harmonious.
7. You need relationships for the sake of relationships
Because "you are already 30, the clock is ticking, all your friends have been married for a long time." Or "it's time to settle down, a serious man needs a family, that you walk around as a bean." If a person is alone, he is not, no, yes, and thoughts come to him that something is wrong with him and everyone must have a couple.
He can really be bored and lonely - and in an attempt to fill this void, he rushes to look for someone “just to be”.
This approach is somewhat reminiscent of a relationship of convenience. Perhaps they are suitable for someone, but certainly not for everyone: it will be difficult to get along with a person if he is needed only for show and there are no special feelings for him. And all this can end in resentment, disappointment and an ugly breakup. Therefore, it is better to enter into a relationship when you are completely ready for it.