Which parents grow up happy and successful children

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Moms and dads who bring up cheerful and capable children have a lot in common.

All parents want their children to stay out of trouble, do well in school, and create something good and useful as they grow up. Unfortunately, there is no guide to raising a happy and successful child. But psychologists were able to point out the factors that anticipate success. And they all relate to parents and families, who have much in common.

They teach children socialization skills

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania and Duke University have observed more than 700 children from all over America over 20 years to find a link between the development of social skills in childhood and success at the age of 25.

Long-term research has shown that those children who know how to cooperate with their peers, understand their feelings, are ready to help another and solve problems on their own, more often graduate, receive a diploma and get a permanent job.

Those who, in childhood, found it difficult to establish contact with others, in adulthood were much more likely to find themselves in unpleasant situations, in general, had a higher chance of being arrested and could not boast of a high social status.

“This study shows that parents need to help children develop social skills and emotional intelligence. These are some of the most important skills a child needs to be prepared for the future,”says Kristin Schubert, program director of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, which funded the research. "From an early age, these skills determine whether a child will study or go to jail, get a job, or get caught up in drug addiction."

They expect a lot from a child

Using data from a national survey of 6,600 children born in 2001, Professor Neal Halfon and colleagues at the University of California, Los Angeles were able to find that parental expectations have a huge impact on what their children will achieve in the future.

“Parents who expected their child to go to university in the future seem to have led him to this goal, regardless of family income or other factors,” the professor said.

This is confirmed by the so-called Pygmalion effect described by the American psychologist Rosenthal. Its essence lies in the fact that a person who is firmly convinced of any fact, unconsciously acts in such a way as to get a real confirmation of his confidence. In the case of children, they unconsciously try to meet the expectations of their parents.

Mothers work

Psychologists have found that the daughters of working mothers go to school with independent living experience. In the future, such children earn on average 23% more than their peers who grew up in families where mothers did not work and spent all their time at home and family.

The sons of working mothers showed a stronger tendency towards caring for children and doing housework: the study showed that they spend 7, 5 hours a week more caring for children and helping with the housework.

“Modeling a situation is a way to send a signal: you show what is appropriate in terms of how you behave, what you do, who you help,” says lead author of the study, Harvard Business School professor Kathleen McGinn.

They have a higher socioeconomic status

The higher the parents' income, the higher the assessments of their children - this is a general pattern. This data can sadden us, because many families are not able to boast of a large income and wide opportunities. Well, psychologists say: this situation really limits the potential of the child.

Sean Reardon, a researcher at Stanford University, points out that the statistical difference in the success of children from rich and poor families is only increasing. If you compare those born in 1990 and those born in 2001, you can see that this gap has grown from 30% to 40%.

Apart from the complex costly measures, the socioeconomic status of the family itself motivates children to achieve more in their studies.

They graduated

The study found that children born to teenage mothers are less likely to graduate from school and go to university.

A 2014 study led by psychologist Sandra Tang found that mothers who graduate from high school and college are more likely to raise a child who also graduates.

Responsibility for the aspirations of the child rests at least in part on the shoulders of the parents.

Psychologist Eric Dubow found that parental education at the time of their child's 8th birthday is crucial for the next 40 years. This means that the child's future success largely depends on him.

They teach their children math from an early age

An analysis of the behavior of 35,000 preschoolers in the United States, Canada and England, conducted in 2007, showed that the early development of mathematical abilities becomes a huge advantage for the child in the future. Why this is so is not very clear, but the fact remains. Children who understand numbers and the simplest mathematical concepts from an early age learn to read faster.

They develop relationships with their children

A 2014 study found that children who were treated with understanding and respect in the first three years of life not only perform better in school, but are also able to establish healthy relationships with others. By the age of 30, most of them are more successful and educated people.

Parents who are sensitive and attentive to their child give him the sense of security necessary in order to develop further and explore the world around them.

They are less stressed

Scientific research suggests that the amount of time mothers spend alone with their children between the ages of 3 and 11 has little value for their development. But active, intense, and compulsive motherhood can be devastating.

When a mother is under stress from trying to balance between work and family, she is bad for her children. The fact is that there is a psychological phenomenon of "infectiousness" of emotions. People are able to pick up on each other's feelings just like catching a cold. Therefore, when one of the parents is morally exhausted or sad, this gloomy feeling is transmitted to the child.

They value effort, not fear of failure

For decades, Carol Dwek, a psychologist at Stanford University, conducted research that found that children (and adults) can measure success in two ways.

The first of these is called fixed thinking. People who think so evaluate their abilities, intelligence and talents as a given, as something that can no longer be changed. Accordingly, for them, success is measured only by this value, and they devote all their strength to not only achieve their goal, but also to avoid mistakes in any way.

There is also a forward-looking mindset aimed at accepting the challenge. Failure for such a person is a "springboard" for further growth and work on their own abilities.

Therefore, if you tell your child that he passed the test because he “was always good with math,” you teach him to think fixedly. And if you say that he succeeded because he made every effort, the kid will understand: he can develop his abilities, and each subsequent effort will bring a new result.