Teaching Your Teen To Get What You Want: Myths and Truth About Goal Setting

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-13 00:26

About how parents can help a teenager understand their true desires, teach him to achieve goals and bring what he started to the end.

Setting goals and achieving them is not taught at school and university. Parents themselves need to explain to the child why it is important and how to achieve what they want. Below is a rough outline of how to talk to your teen about goals, as well as a simple and useful exercise to help him become purposeful.

Myths

Not everything that is said about goals can be believed. Let's figure out what is fiction and what is true.

Myth number 1. "Everything can be achieved without goals"

The target is like a lantern in the night. Dodging and stumbling, it is quite possible to reach the desired place. But it is not exactly. And with a lantern, this path is overcome faster and much easier. Goals not only provide the right direction, but also inspire to move forward.

Myth number 2. "To set a goal, you need a reason"

This is how a person is arranged that he plans to start a new life on January 1, September 1, or, at worst, the next Monday. These are all stereotypes. In these periods of life, and so enough trouble, so "beautiful" dates are not the best time for important changes. Don't wait for a special occasion, today is the perfect day for that.

Myth number 3. "You have to do everything yourself"

The goals are an individual matter, but it does not follow from this that you cannot count on help. Helping someone who knows exactly where they are going is much more enjoyable than helping someone who lives in doubts or without the desire to achieve something. Teachers, friends, relatives - everyone in a teen's life - are probably ready to help and support.

Truth

Truth # 1. "Goals Are Important"

Goals are an opportunity for a teenager to imagine himself in the future, to understand what kind of life he dreams about. This understanding helps to maintain mental balance, improves physical and emotional well-being and leads to success. Surely there is a person in your environment who has achieved something significant. Encourage your teen to talk to him. A successful person can tell how he first set a goal, how he went to his dream, and at the same time share advice and support.

Truth # 2. "Not everyone sets goals"

According to research, only three out of 100 people have goals. And even these three goals are most often abstract and do not have a deadline. Perhaps this is why so few succeed. You shouldn't be guided by the majority.

Truth # 3. "Everyone can become purposeful"

Purposefulness is as much a skill as being able to read, write, or count. From a teenager, only the desire to master it, as well as action, is required. He can start right this minute, here is the first task:

• Let the teenager reflect on what he wants to do, what he wants to achieve.
• Then have them write down the thoughts on a notepad or on a piece of paper.
• You need to look into your notebook every day or hang the piece of paper in a conspicuous place.

So the first three steps have been taken on the path to commitment. It remains to draw up a plan of action and stick to it until the desired is achieved.

What is the “goal ladder” and how to climb it

Ask your teen to imagine a staircase. A dream awaits him upstairs. To get to it, you need to climb the steps, and each step is a small goal on the way to a big dream. This is the essence of the ladder of purpose.

To construct such a "ladder", you need to follow these steps.

Step one. Select

At the beginning, you need to decide what you want to achieve in the first place. Let it not be a long-term goal to practice, feel confident, and be inspired by the first results. In our example, this goal sounds like "find a place for an internship."

Step two. Correctly formulate

The goal should be:

• specific (“get five on the algebra exam”, not “learn algebra”);
• measurable (it should be very clear what and how much needs to be done: for example, get an A, read five books, run ten kilometers);
• achievable (you need to realistically assess your strengths: it is unlikely that you will be able to become a Hollywood actor in a year);
• important (a teenager should listen to himself: does he really want to achieve this, or did he fall under the influence of friends, favorite show or movie);
• have a due date (that is, you always need to set a date by which you want to achieve what you want).

If the desire meets these criteria, you can proceed to the third step. Otherwise, you will have to reformulate the goal. Here's an example.

Target: to become a good person.

Why such a goal is not appropriate: becoming a good person is a worthwhile goal, but it is not clear what needs to be done for this. What actions will do better? Cleaning the table? A lot of activity in the classroom? Helping a homeless shelter? To make your goals achievable, you need to add verbs to the wording that mean specific actions leading to the goal.

Correct goal: Lead at least two hours a week for small children in the library.

Step three. Decide on actions

Ask the teenager to answer the question: "What needs to be done to get what you want?" We are talking specifically about small steps that will help you reach the very top of the stairs. It is best to come up with as many steps as possible and write these steps down in a column on a piece of paper. This can be a call to someone, a request for help, study of the material, additional classes, mastering some skill.

Step four. Fill in all the "steps"

In the resulting action plan, you need to cross out repetitions and points that seem useless. Then rewrite the remaining items in the plan in a logical order. For example, to get an A on a test, you need to:

• ask the teacher what will be on the test;
• read chapters from a textbook on relevant topics;
• view material from the lesson;
• solve problems;
• take a practice test;
• ask someone to test knowledge.

The length of the target ladder depends on the complexity of the target. The more difficult it is, the more points.

Step five. Determine the timing

The goal will remain a dream, if you do not set a specific time frame. All that is needed is to add to each "step" the date by which it is planned to complete this or that task.

Step six. Start to climb

You can climb the very first "step" today. Having completed the simplest action, the teenager will fix the feeling “I can!” In his head. Don't put off until tomorrow or Monday what you can do now.

It is advisable to keep this "ladder" always before your eyes. So the teenager will remember where he is going and notice if he deviates from the plan.