What is internal resistance and how it prevents us from changing for the better

What is internal resistance

Many want to become better, but only a few succeed: 96% of people fail this mission. The reasons can be gleaned not only for an article - for research work. One of the main ones is internal resistance.

This term is used by psychoanalysts, cognitive behavioral therapists, and HR specialists. If you do not delve into the jungle, it denotes a powerful invisible barrier that prevents a person from changing something in his life, makes him sit back, stubborn, fall into denial, close during therapy (if he goes to a psychologist).

We are constantly faced with this phenomenon. In everyday life, everything looks like this. The person decided to go in for sports, set a goal for himself, made a training plan, bought a comfortable and beautiful form, did not forget about dumbbells and a rug, got motivated to the fullest, having seen enough photos of beautiful fit bodies. Perhaps he even managed to train two or three times. But then - that's it. As if something invisible pulls back and does not allow anything to be done, despite all the “want”, “must” and other reasons of reason.

Someone thinks that this is laziness, someone blames poor motivation. But in fact, it is our brain and subconscious mind that resists change with might and main.

How internal resistance manifests itself

He has a lot of personalities. Here is some of them.

Procrastination and self-sabotage

Now I will go through a couple more quests in The Witcher and I’ll definitely start my diploma. Yes, I remember that the deadline is tomorrow and if I don’t turn in anything, I can be expelled. But I will still play until nightfall and sit down to work at the very last moment. If I sit down at all.

Avoidance and procrastination

I need to improve my English so that I can be promoted. But now there are so many things to do. Here I will rake them all and then I will immediately start learning the language. And in general, let's not talk about it yet.

Perfectionism

If I'm going to write a book, then it must be a genius - such that it will immediately be nominated for the Booker. No, for the Nobel Prize. And to be printed in a million copies and on the very first day the admiring readers bought everything. What? Doesn't it work? Well, then I won't write anything.

Inertia and the search for excuses

I wanted to install an app for home workouts on my phone, but it turns out to be paid. 500 rubles a month is somehow a pity. You can, of course, find free ones, but it’s to search, choose, watch … No, some other time I’ll practice.

Tediousness

I want to take courses in Internet marketing, but in the first school there is no section about contextual advertising, in the second school it is 10 thousand more expensive, and in the third the teacher's Facebook page is somehow unconvincing. And in general, what if I can't cope or I won't find a job later. Probably, it is worthwhile to think it over again, weigh the pros and cons, draw up a comparative table - and then I, perhaps, will make up my mind.

Pessimism

I would like to emigrate, but it is so long, difficult and expensive. I'm sure that nothing will work out for me anyway, so it's better not to try.

Denial and protection

I thought about it and realized that I really don't need to change jobs. The salary is stable, there is no social package. Now there is a crisis, it is better to sit warm and not stick out. No growth? This is not the main thing, I no longer worry about him.

Self-criticism

What are you thinking? Go to the dance? Look at yourself, you’re wooden, you don’t hear the music, you don’t get into the rhythm. What dances are you, don't make people laugh - go wash the floors better.

Fears and Blocks

I look at a blank sheet and don't know what to draw. Suddenly I draw something, but it turns out nonsense, for which I will be criticized.

Why do we resist

This is how our brain works

He protects us from danger and tries to maintain stability around us. Therefore, the limbic system, which is responsible for emotions, together with the reptilian brain, which is responsible for breathing, blood circulation, sleep, muscle reactions - the most necessary functions for survival, reacts extremely hostilely to all possible changes. The prefrontal cortex, which is central to discipline and long-term planning, cannot always cope with the underlying brain centers. As a result, we feel fear, anxiety, depression and cannot bring ourselves to do something unfamiliar.

Some people even have a condition that doctors describe as "intolerance to the unknown." And the areas of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety (amygdala, insular cortex) are enlarged in such people. Do not forget also about dopamine, which seduces us with quick pleasures, and dopamine receptors, "breakdowns" in which make us weak-willed and prevent us from resisting temptations and weaknesses.

Parenting limits us

There are certain rules and beliefs that we learn in the family and society. Among them there are harmless or even useful ones: "matches are not toys for children", "wash your hands before eating", "do not eat suspicious mushrooms and berries." And there are those who pull us back and prevent us from acting, for example: "without money and connections, you still can't achieve anything", "girls are bad at math." Dealing with such limiting beliefs is challenging, but possible.

It's part of our identity

Moreover, it is very complex, deep and not entirely amenable to understanding. Something like the Jungian Shadow, which simply lives in the subconscious and is not going to go anywhere.

How to deal with internal resistance

Here's what writer and productivity expert Mark McGuinness advises in his book Motivating Creative People.

Understand Resistance Can't Get Rid of

It looks like a cunning multi-headed monster that cannot be defeated: it is worth chopping off one head - the other will immediately come out. We have to admit that resistance is our integral part, and somehow get along with it.

Learn to recognize the enemy

If you cannot get down to something, do not scold yourself for being lazy. Remind yourself that this is resistance, and watch what forms it takes so that you can recognize it unmistakably the next time.

Assess the damage

Answer yourself to the question: what do you lose if you succumb to resistance? What do you lose if you refuse to do what is important to you: change, learn, try new things, take risks? Write down the answers. Most likely, this list will include a career and good money, interesting acquaintances, love and relationships, health, pleasure in life, self-confidence and other extremely pleasant things. The realization that all of this is eluding you is very sobering and motivating.

Turn on pro mode

That is, treat any task with a detached and businesslike attitude. Imagine that you are a tough specialist for whom your difficulties are just a routine that does not cause either fear or resistance. “Just think, a large and complex project at work. This is a common thing for me, I can handle it perfectly."

Simplify your choice

Plan your time clearly and in detail. If you write down all the tasks in detail, you will not have to think about what to do, and there will be less chance of dodging things.

Formulate internal principles

This is something like mottos or guidelines that will help you get down to business, even if you are very scared or just do not want to. You need to use phrases that will support and motivate you. For example: "Just start and spend only 10 minutes, if you don't get involved, you will stop." Or: "It is not necessary to do everything perfectly, the main thing is to just do it."