What questions to ask on a first date so as not to be banal

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

A simple outline to make the conversation more interesting.

There are many tips on the Internet, but usually they all fall into two categories: stereotyped questions about hobbies, family, work, and emphasized unusual ones. For example, what a person would take with him to a desert island in the first place.

The problem is that the first questions are boring. People get bored of telling the same story over and over again. Especially if they go on dates a lot. And the latter may create the impression that you are speaking according to a prepared script, or may seem completely inappropriate.

Therefore, it is best to combine them - this is exactly what the authors of The Art of Manliness blog Brett and Keith McKay advise to do, who made the formula “standard question + interesting additional questions” and shared examples.

Standard question: Where are you from?

Additional questions:

• Was it interesting to live there? As a child, did you want to move to another place?
• Are there other places where you feel at home?
• What do you recommend to visit in your hometown?

Standard question: Do you have brothers and sisters?

Additional questions:

• What was your role in the family? Who did they think you were: a child prodigy, a goody, a rebel, or maybe someone who reconciles everyone?
• With whom of your family do you have the closest relationship?
• How are you different from brothers and sisters?

Standard question: Why did you move to this city?

Additional questions:

• What were your ideas about life here before moving? What turned out to be completely different from expectations?
• What do you like the most here?
• What did not suit you very much at first, but then liked it?
• Is there a minus that you will never get used to?

Standard question: Where did you study?

Additional questions:

• Did your university studies meet your childhood expectations?
• Do you regret your attitude towards learning?
• What do you miss the most from that time?
• When did it become clear to you what field you want to specialize in?
• Is your job related to your specialty?
• Do you keep in touch with your school and university friends?
• How did you meet your best friend?
• What in your character would most surprise your classmates or classmates now?
• What do you think is the hardest part of growing up?

Standard question: What do you do? Do you like your job?

Additional questions:

• What is your job lacking to qualify as your dream job?
• What's your schedule? Is it comfortable for you or would you like to go to bed and get up at a different time?
• Do you have a morning ritual to help you organize your day well?
• How do you relax when you come home?

Standard question: Do you have any favorite TV shows?

Additional questions:

• Which show do you think was closed too early?
• What do you turn on when you don't know what else to watch?
• Is there a show you can watch over and over again?

Standard question: What kind of music do you like?

Additional questions:

• What do you think is the best concert you've ever attended? And the worst?
• What album do you never get tired of?
• Is there any kind of music that you liked in school, but now you hate it?
• What do you listen to while exercising?

Standard question: Have you read any interesting books lately?

Additional questions:

• What was your favorite book at school?
• Are there books that you love so much that you are ready to reread many times?
• Is there a book that often comes to your mind, although you didn't really like it when you read it?

Standard question: What is your hobby? What do you like to do on weekends?

Additional questions:

• What hobby would you like to have if you had enough money or time?
• What hobby did you abandon the fastest?

Standard question: Do you like to travel? Where have you been lately?

Additional questions:

• Is there a place you like to come back to again and again?
• What place did not live up to expectations at all?
• Which one exceeded your expectations?
• When you arrive in a new city, where do you usually go first?
• If you had to live in a camper van or boat, which one would you choose?
• Do you prefer a vacation in the mountains or by the sea? Did you know that according to some studies, introverts prefer the mountains and extroverts prefer the beach? Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

You can also ask what your interlocutor is looking forward to in the near future. Just keep in mind that the conversation should not turn into an interrogation.

Don't ask one question after another. Tell something about yourself, answer the questions of the interlocutor. According to scientists, people are more attracted to those who share information, rather than being secretive. But pay attention: if your interlocutor speaks exclusively about himself, this is a wake-up call.

And don't forget, while your questions should be interesting, they shouldn't take too long. The interlocutor will feel stupid if it takes a long time to collect his thoughts before answering.

So try asking yourself a question first. If you enjoy thinking about him and you are ready to respond quickly, feel free to ask your interlocutor.