7 Signs Your Parents Raised You Wrong

1. They instilled in the idea that you are safe only by their side

Behavior scenario

Parents are generally divided into two types. The first ones send you for a walk and until the evening they don't know where you disappear: on the site in the yard, or in the nearest park, or at an abandoned construction site, or with a book on the porch. The latter control every step of their child.

Concerned parents are understandable. Every day, information appears in the media about some dangerous strangers who kidnap children or track them down via the Internet. Or about drivers who can run over a child at a pedestrian crossing and flee. Or even about the millions of dangers that lie in wait for the child beyond the threshold of his home.

Instead of teaching the child how to avoid or react to danger, parents shut him off from the world.

For example, they are not allowed to go outside without an escort. Nowadays, this anxiety has acquired new features: caring mom and dad call their children every 15 minutes or track their movements using GPS.

What does this threaten in the future

Julie Lycott-Haymes gives an example of this situation: a mother and son are crossing the road. Mom looks left, right, left again and goes forward. The son follows her, without looking up from the smartphone and without taking out the headphones. Indeed, why look at the road if there is a person nearby who monitors its safety.

In the future, it will be difficult for such a person to do without outside help. He lacks basic skills - the ability to navigate, notice danger, plan free time. After all, parents have always been engaged in such things.

2. They praised you too often

Behavior scenario

Well-deserved praise is always good. It doesn't matter who it is intended for - a child or an adult. But when parents, with tears of delight, shout "well done" and "smart" to a child who crookedly painted a stick man or brushed his teeth, it’s already strange.

What does this threaten in the future

Problems at work. The child develops a strong belief that everything he has done is good. And even after many years, he believes that already for the fact that he came to work, he is entitled to a prize and general admiration.

Of course, it is important for a child to know that his parents love him. But whether it is necessary to write him a letter of thanks for each sneeze is another question.

3. They chose the sports section for you

Behavior scenario

Sometimes parents send a child to the section not so that he can spend time well and usefully, but to achieve unprecedented heights in sports. To become a tennis player, figure skater, football player or swimmer. Therefore, they choose specialization in early childhood - this way there are more chances for success.

What does this threaten in the future

Children love a variety of physical activities: they are ready to swim, run and jump with equal pleasure. But if you force them to do one thing, the body will develop unevenly, and the risk of injury will increase.

There are other complications as well. It's not easy to get into big sports, which means that you can forget about your ordinary childhood. The child's life turns into a series of constant training with short breaks for school.

But at each lesson, a couple of loving fans always sit on the podium, who praise him, even if he can barely keep on skating or hits wide of the gate.

4. They interfered with children's games

Behavior scenario

Another situation that is more familiar to today's children than those who grew up in the 1990s and earlier. These are games on a schedule, when the child, along with mom and dad, goes to the playground.

Parents make sure that no one quarrels, that they do not offend anyone, and that all the games are kind and correct. As soon as their child takes someone else's toy, the parents run to return it and apologize.

Parents are so involved in the process that it seems as if they came to the playground to play with other parents.

What does this threaten in the future

What kind of independence can we talk about when, even in communication with peers, parents set their own rules? As an adult, it is difficult for such a person to strike up a conversation with strangers or come to a compromise at work.

The playground is the main place where the child learns to communicate. He figures out how to react to conflict situations. For example, when a toy is taken away, he can take it from the enemy, negotiate an exchange, or simply donate it.

Children should have fun and negotiate with each other, even if it sometimes ends with broken noses and knees. No one has ever died from this.

5. They carefully supervised homework

Behavior scenario

Achievements of children often become a measure of their parents' success. Therefore, they want to go to university more than their children.

Preparation for the main exams begins almost in elementary school. After lessons, the study does not end, because the child will have several hours of tutoring. Specialization, again, is chosen earlier and earlier. Already in grades 6-7, parents define a profession for a boy or girl and begin to train him vigorously.

Which university are they going to send the child to? Of course, in the best (according to some ratings, the opinion of a neighbor, or whatever they wanted). Therefore, every homework must be done perfectly. Every evening they pore over textbooks with the child, trying to remember forgotten formulas from the school curriculum.

What does this threaten in the future

The author of the book teaches at Stanford, so he knows to what extremes parental concerns about the education of their children go. Lytcott-Haymes recalls sophomore Jamie, whom her mother takes great care of: she wakes up every morning, reminds of upcoming assignments and tests, and helps with the implementation. Jamie is always on time and is a good student. Or is her mother studying?

The question is when a person becomes independent enough to plan assignments, choose a profession, and deal with difficulties. When does she go to work? Or can the child be left alone only in retirement?

6. They did crafts for you at school

Behavior scenario

Have you got the feeling that school competitions are held to test the ingenuity of parents? Projects are carried out with such architectural and design precision that there is no doubt that only an adult can do it. All that remains is to give the parent a certificate that no fourth-grader has done better than him.

What does this threaten in the future

A craft contest is a vanity fair where parents want to demonstrate that their child is creative and talented. True, this creative person will be lucky if his parents allow him to serve glue.

In fact, contests are needed so that the child can dream up, work with different materials: from LEGO constructors to fir cones. This is necessary for the development of fine motor skills, the ability to design and present the final result. So who are the parents trying to deceive: the teachers at school or their child?

No one argues that parents will do it better, because they themselves once learned this. But the habit of doing the child's work instead of himself may not let go in the future.

7. They treat you like a child, even now

Behavior scenario

For parents, we are always children. And when babies (who are no longer babies) enter the adult world, the problems only grow. They are solved by elderly parents.

They continue to wake up children in the morning, prepare meals, remind them of meetings, fill out receipts for housing and communal services, look for a suitable companion or companion, sit with children … There is no time left for their own lives.

What does this threaten in the future

Hyper-care is tiring. And most of all - the parents themselves. Just imagine how stressed they are from the moment you were born.

Constant physical and emotional overload leads to fatigue, anxiety, depression. Yes, since they care about you so much, they love raising children. But there is nothing good about them completely forgetting about themselves. When children leave their native nest, it becomes a real blow for caring parents.

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