Why being childfree is okay

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Living without children is the norm, but because of your choice you have to endure a lot.

Some hundred years ago, the quality of contraception was at such a level that the rule “if you have sex, you have children” worked. A sexually mature person without children was either sick or completely unattractive as a sexual partner or spouse.

Of course, one should feel sorry for such a person, advise him some remedy and secretly rejoice that this cup has passed you.

Relatively recently, we have learned to control our reproductive system without harm to health. And then there were childfree who broke the centuries-old template.

It turns out that you can! To live without children, and not at all worse, if not better, than with them.

Who are childfree

Childfree is child free. There is not even a complete analogue of this word in Russian. Childless are all people without children. For example, those who could not become parents for various reasons, but would like to.

And childfree are those who do not want and do not suffer from it.

Childfries are not alike in any way, although they are trying to classify them somehow. The most famous (because the first) researcher Jean Weavers divided childfree into two groups.:

• rejectors are those who don't like children;
• affectados are those who are just fine without children.

Now they are more divided into childfree and childhead (hating children).

How many of them - no one knows. In general, 5 to 30% are childless, depending on the country. But it is unrealistic to count the ideological childfree separately, because it is necessary to separate them from those who were not allowed by circumstances to have a child. And the position of a person can change: in one of the studies, people were interviewed with a break of 6 years. And a quarter of the respondents radically changed their views. …

Why are they doing that

The main reason is they don't want to. Why exactly, everyone decides for himself. There are many options.

Freedom. Parental responsibilities must be borne until the child is 18. This is in theory, in practice - all his life. The child cannot be dismissed, run away for a couple of days. Even if you leave the child to his parents and drive off to an uninhabited island without a connection, you will have a child.

A responsibility. Not everyone wants to take care of themselves and the child. Someone is not confident in their abilities, someone simply does not like responsibility in any form. And this is the right approach: if a person does not want to take on obligations, does not know how and does not intend to fulfill them, then there is no need to drag an unbearable burden. Not sure - don't overtake.

Money. Children are expensive, sometimes very expensive. The stories of families in which children are born in spite of meager finances are the best contraceptive method and visual agitation for childfree. Someone cannot afford the maintenance of a child, and someone loves their standard of living more than children.

Career. Especially for women. Childcare is still a woman's business: from 13 to 47% of mothers do not work because they need to look after their children. A woman is generally taken seriously only if she has given birth.

There are more and more career-oriented women. … But even when applying for a job, HR is interested in when a girl is going to give birth. This is the order of the day. Personally, I was not asked only at one interview - in Lifehacker. All other interviews were conducted with the obligatory "when on maternity leave?" or "when after the second?" Those who plan to build a career increasingly decide that they will never. Undoubtedly, there are wonderful women who can do everything in the world. And there are those who cannot and choose a job.

Lack of career. Children imply a stable, growing income, because expenses increase as they get older. A person without children can afford freelancing, casual or small earnings, work for food in a volunteer camp.

Qualities incompatible with children. A child's cry hurts my head. Due to the difficult nature, it is impossible to negotiate. Because of the aggression, he is tempted to start a fight. Unresolved psychological problems do not allow you to sleep well. The list of reasons "why you shouldn't become parents" has dozens of items. As one friend of mine said, either children or alcohol, and each made his choice.

Fear. There are many fears: childbirth, pregnancy, change in status, changes in relationships, financial difficulties and hundreds of myths surrounding childbirth. Try to ask in the women's team the question of how it is to visit the hospital. The stories will be such that Stephen King will seem like a good bedtime story.

Why childfree team up

People without children have been forming diverse communities since the 1970s because they have to defend themselves. Social attitudes do not have time to change; for many, “without a child” is still sick and unfit.

If family planning remained a personal topic, there would be no need to find like-minded people and share painful concerns. But children's affairs are not considered personal.

Absolutely all my friends are asked about children (girls - many times more often). The question "when will you give birth?" many generally perceive the same as "what time is it?". Tactless, but reality.

Actively minded childfree people are sure that they are oppressed because they live in a "child-centered" society, where children and their parents are allowed everything and at the expense of the childless, of course. For example, the child tax deduction is considered analogous to an unfair childlessness tax. For such childfree, unification is a way to advance their views and bring about changes in laws.

Why don't they like childfree

People with children are at war with people without children, these battles are verbal and mostly take place on the Internet. In terms of content, they are more like clashes between iPhone and Android smartphone fans. It is useless to convince a person who does not want children how great it is to have a masik. But the war cannot be stopped.

Let's be honest, there is a lot to dislike about childfree.

• For demonizing children and parents. The disgusting behavior of children, dads and moms is discussed in the communities. Moreover, children are considered the cause of rudeness. As if a child is a magic wand that turns a normal person into a pig, for which the world revolves around the baby. This is absolutely not the case. But many people believe that children are carriers of stupidity.
• For slang: all these "larvae" and "ovulators", among which "adequate children" are allowed to exist, really offend the feelings of anyone.
• For shortcuts: it seems like all children are unhappy people who can hardly make ends meet, regret their decision and suffer from lack of freedom.

They would not take out childfree dirty linen in public, there would be less negativity. But this is boring, and wars are raging on different resources. That is, they do not like childfree precisely for what they reproach others for: for trying to get into their own business and teach everyone to live right.

How you can't talk to childfree

If your friend, relative, colleague or neighbor is not going to have children and you suddenly find out about it, do not try to drag him to another camp. Most of the arguments in a dispute are meaningless. Below is a list of forbidden phrases that childfree hear every day.

• Children are happiness. Happy parents will never understand how you can not want children. Happy childfree will not understand why children are needed at all. Happiness is not achieved by the number of children; there are other ways for this.
• Then you will regret it. Actually, what difference does it make to you who will regret what later? The absence of children is the choice of every person, and it is at least impolite to wish him the torment of repentance.
• But what about procreation? Childfree doesn't give a damn about procreation, it's obvious. And you should doubly give a damn about the alien race.
• You will give birth - you will love … And if not? To endure all my life or to clean it back?
• We will die out like mammoths. Taking into account the overpopulation of the planet - no.
• Children are natural. Naturally, but not necessary. Campaigning for the birth of unloved and unwanted children is a particularly perverted form of fascism and detonation. There are more than 70 thousand orphans in Russia, and 180 thousand of dysfunctional families. There is no need to increase these numbers.
• All childfree are crazy. Nice, isn't it? Abnormal genes will not be passed on to subsequent generations.
• And who will bring a glass of water in old age? Social services, caregivers, friends. And it's not a fact that you will want to drink.
• God gave a bunny - and he will give a lawn; God will punish; God commanded. In a secular state in which the constitution guarantees freedom of religion, this is not an argument.
• All childfree are selfish. As if there is something bad in healthy selfishness.

Is being childfree good?

It's okay to be childfree. This is neither good nor bad, this is an individual decision that concerns personal and intimate life.

It is bad - to discuss someone else's personal life and climb into someone else's bed. This applies to both opponents of childfree and the free of children themselves.