How to get over a breakup and move on

Why does a person leave, but attachment remains

Attachment to a person is formed with the participation of the hormone oxytocin. And this same hormone makes you suffer when the love object leaves.

Oxytocin levels rise dramatically during a relationship crisis. When one of the partners' feelings cool down, the other, on the contrary, has a hormonal explosion. This mechanism continues to work when the relationship is terminated at the initiative of one of the partners. The abandoned person continues to experience attachment due to increased levels of oxytocin, wants to be close, to love and care. The inability to do this causes longing and even a real breakdown for lost love.

How withdrawal occurs

When you look at a photograph of a former partner, the ventral tegmental area (VTA) is activated in the brain, a key element of the reward system. VTA communicates with other brain structures using dopamine, a substance that makes us strive for pleasure.

VTA has nothing to do with cognitive processes and common sense. She wants, thirsts, burns with desire. Therefore, all your attempts to forget your partner are wasted.

Also, in sufferers in love, the nucleus accumbens is activated - the main center of pleasure, responsible for attachment and dependence. Both the VTA and the nucleus accumbens respond in the same way to cocaine, but the drug releases, but love does not. When you go through a breakup, the activity in these areas does not decrease, and because you cannot get what you want, you suffer from withdrawal akin to cocaine withdrawal.

The joint work of the prefrontal cortex and the nucleus accumbens initiates the process of assessing loss and gain: you constantly wonder what went wrong in your relationship, who is to blame, if everything can be returned, and how to do it. It is impossible to get rid of these thoughts, they come back again and again. At the same time, you experience mental pain that can be compared with physical pain. And this also has an explanation.

Why does it hurt so much

Scientists have noticed that when a person looks at a photograph of a former partner, the islet and the somatosensory cortex, the structures responsible for transmitting information about physical pain, are activated in his brain. By their activation, it is possible to predict the presence of pain by 88%.

A person with a broken heart does not feel physical pain, but at the same time experiences mental or, if you like, mental pain.

Like physical pain, mental pain cannot be ignored, there is no way to drown it with painkillers or eliminate the cause.

Is everything so hopeless and a broken heart only heals time? It is, but at least there is something you can do to alleviate this condition.

How to be treated for unhappy love

Remove all reminders

If you ever know that during withdrawal, you should not keep cigarettes and lighters at home. Ashtrays and everything that reminds you of addiction should be removed from prominent places. Do the same with your love.

Remove all photos from the screensavers, hide them in the farthest folder. Lock up mementos and things that remind you of a loved one in a closet. Don't listen to music that meant something to your couple, and don't go to your places.

Eliminate from your life anything that can trigger a storm of memories and whip up heartache.

Welcome the new

Now is the time to start something new: play a musical instrument, craft or cook, understand difficult topics, learn new languages. Load your brain to the fullest - let it have no time for reflection and memories.

New unusual work requires a fair amount of brain resources and triggers the formation of new neural connections. This will help you get rid of obsessive thoughts about your ex.

Go in for sports

Physical activity will not only distract you, but also supply opioids to your exhausted receptors.

Train at medium to high intensity. The first will help you to have fun and get used to physical activity, the second - to get tired so that not a single thought will remain in your head except “to survive at any cost”.

Communicate, even through force

After a painful breakup, you will most likely want to isolate yourself from society so that you can go through the experience alone. The main thing is not to get stuck in this state.

Social contacts are very important to a person. Loneliness causes feelings of vulnerability, disrupts sleep, and increases morbidity and mortality.

In a depressed state, warm companionship is simply necessary for you. If necessary, forcibly pull yourself out for walks and get-togethers with loved ones.

Review everything

When the first storm of emotions has subsided, work on your thoughts and memories. Think about what the relationship taught you, what good did you get from it. Try to present your tragedy as a rewarding experience. Say thank you for the bright experiences and admit that it's time to move on.

You can still remember the lost love after a year or even 10 years, because they say that there are no former drug addicts. But the suffering will fade after a few months, and the new relationship will replace the painful experience.