"We were 6 thousand kilometers and 5 hours time difference between us": three stories about relationships at a distance

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

About the impossibility of being around, patience, jealousy and the happiness of a meeting.

This article is part of the "" project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

Imagine: you met a person on the Internet and fell in love, but he lives on the other side of the world. Or your partner has been made a good job offer, but he has to move to another city. What to do: continue the relationship or end? Is there any future for such communication? We spoke with three people who found themselves in a similar situation.

Story 1. "It felt like an easy family life."

How did you meet

I recognized my future husband Pasha thanks to my friend. She told a lot of good things about him. I decided to get to know each other and came up with a whole plan.

I was 18 then. In winter, the girls and I gathered to ride the slide like children, and called him, and he agreed. The plan worked: they arranged everything as if it was a completely random meeting. We rode together and talked. At one point he said: "And come on with me?" I went down the hill right on it, and that was the beginning of everything. Then he added to me on social networks, and we began to correspond and meet.

How the relationship began

At first I liked Pasha because of the funny stories that my friend told, and his appearance: I saw him in photographs. And when we began to communicate and walk, a community of interests manifested itself, and the further, the stronger.

The coincidence of views has always been important for me. Pasha hooked me with the fact that he could tell me much more than I know. I've always wanted a man to be smarter. I myself know a lot of useless facts, but if he knows even more, that's great.

We met for a year and a half, and then Pasha left. The fact is that he is a game designer, and in the regions of Belarus it is difficult to find such a job. Initially, he managed to work in my city - Polotsk, and then at a distance. But the company said that it was necessary to go to the office, which is located in Minsk. There was no choice.

We understood that this was for a long time, because I needed to graduate from the university. And there was no chance that Pasha would be able to return to Polotsk. With each new position, his income increased, and returning to Polotsk would roll him back.

We didn't have the feeling that everything would be over now. It was just difficult to imagine how everything will turn out further. But we decided we would try this.

He left, and we began to see each other on weekends when he came to my city. I was 19 then, and only at almost 22 I graduated from the university. All this time we met at a distance.

How does it feel to meet at a distance

Our relationship at some point became a routine: I knew that he would arrive on Saturday and leave on Sunday. We now have a specific daily routine: at this time we have to meet, cook dinner and spend the night.

It felt like an easy family life. Sometimes we went for a walk, and sometimes we stayed at home and watched a movie. On Sunday we had time to wake up, somehow have breakfast, and already it was necessary to say goodbye. You won't be able to do a lot during this time.

Such a regime may seem difficult to some. Especially those who strive for dynamics and diversity in relationships. But I've always appreciated emotional stability. And I still felt feelings, care and warmth despite the distance. We both knew it wasn't forever.

While Pasha and I were in different cities, we talked on the phone and corresponded on the Internet. But we were not the kind of couples who spend all the years hanging out all night long.

At some point, a relationship is no longer the peak of emotions. You talk, share what happened during the day, say goodbye and go to bed.

Sometimes I had to give up personal interests and set priorities. Sometimes on weekends I wanted to plan something, like a trip. At that time I was engaged in historical reconstruction. Usually festivals were held on weekends: on some the first part takes place, and on the next - the second. I understood that then we would not see each other for three weeks, and abandoned my plans. For me, the relationship is in any case more important, and I have always tried to look at such things through the eyes of a partner. If he did this to me, would it please me? If I understand that I am not, then I do not commit such acts.

It was hard for Pasha to spend six hours every weekend on the road there and back. You don't seem to be doing anything while you are driving, but you are still exhausted and do not feel that you have rested. Plus, he sometimes needed to visit relatives in his hometown. As a result, on weekdays he worked, and on weekends he was constantly on the road.

The loved ones approved of our relationship. My mother always liked Pasha. But sometimes she would start: “Aren't you afraid? Where is he now? I have always dismissed this, because no, I'm not afraid. In our relationship, we had one hundred percent trust and no jealousy, because if a person wants to leave or change, he will do it, even if you are together 24 hours a day.

How did you get together

In Belarus, there is still a mandatory distribution for those who studied for free. After graduating from university, I had to work for two more years and be away from Pasha. So we decided to get married. Married students must be assigned to the place of residence or work of their spouse, or be given a free diploma, which does not oblige them to work for their studies on a budget.

This somewhat forced events, because of which we had conflicts. But we managed, got married, I packed my things and moved to Minsk with a free diploma. Since then we have been living together for four years.

A lot changed when we moved together. We had to adapt to each other's everyday habits. Of course, initially for many people this stage is annoying. You sigh and try to talk to the person gently. He also speaks, and you agree.

Still, it was nice that finally the weekend is the weekend. We are together, and there is no need to rush anywhere and leave. There was a lot of positive emotions, and all these everyday rubbing was hardly noticed.

We are together, and together everything is not so scary.

What is the bottom line

I don't see our story as a romantic feat. This is just a stage with its own difficulties, which, perhaps, were more than in an ordinary relationship.

There are often times when you need a person here and now. Not on the phone, but for real. But there is no way you can get it. You see less of your partner's life, and this can be especially difficult for jealous people.

We were helped by the thought that this is not forever. Plus we saw each other quite often and were in touch. I knew that the person was also looking forward to meeting. And when you feel his feelings, then you do not have doubts. Thanks to this, you endure everything.

On the plus side: after the wedding, Pasha was sent on a business trip to China for a whole month, and we got through the separation much easier. But this is a forced experience, not something really positive.

Tips for starting a long-distance relationship

The most important advice: do not try to control the person too much. Someone probably has such impulses. It will hurt your relationship a lot.

Evaluate your actions as you yourself would react to such actions on the part of your partner. From a distance, he may feel that your relationship and feelings are more fragile. Therefore, you need to help your loved one to be confident and not give him reasons for jealousy.

Story 2. "Now I would never start a long-distance relationship"

August Felker I met a girl from another city on the Internet and spent a year meeting her at a distance.

How did you meet

We were 16 years old. She lived in Ufa, 2,100 kilometers from my city - Pskov. We found ourselves in the same conversation on VKontakte, based on a video game that we both really liked. Thus, communication began, which over time became more and more dense.

On her birthday, the girl wrote to me that she was celebrating it in splendid isolation. I offered to call on Skype. From that moment on, we periodically talked via video link, but we talked not only about video games, but also about life in general.

How the relationship began

We realized that there was something more between us when we began to discuss various indecent things. We developed an attraction to each other, and it became almost an obligation to call each other every day. Some of us said, "Now we have to get married." It was a joke, but we became more serious about each other and considered it our sacred duty to be faithful.

We lived at this pace for six months, after which we decided to meet. We chose romantic St. Petersburg for this. We spent a couple of weeks there and realized that we were very attached to each other. It seemed to us that our story is unique and we will start a relationship despite the fact that we are separated by thousands of kilometers.

When we returned home, we experienced a set of very different emotions: from euphoria from meeting to longing for a loved one, who was again far away.

How does it feel to meet at a distance

We had a lot of rituals, like Skype nightly meetings. And every morning we called each other for 10 minutes to wish a good day. On weekends we talked by video for 7-8 hours, literally with a mobile phone we went to parks and cafes.

In terms of romance, Internet relationships are not inferior to real ones. When you constantly communicate via video, you become a little more outspoken. We knew the hidden fears and dreams of our partner. We collected love-boxes with pleasant little things for each other, signed them and decorated them. They kept special calendars and counted the days until meetings. Perhaps now I just matured, but in real life I would be embarrassed to behave like that.

I sent flowers to her address. It was always a surprise to her. And she could pay for my purchase in a video game or order a sweatshirt from an online store. We delighted each other not only with material things, but, for example, dedicated poems.

Everything was like in a real relationship, just not quite real.

Of course, we also fueled sexual interest: we sent each other intimate photos and called each other via video link. We were 16 years old, and during this period the head was filled with only this.

But there were also problems, such as poor internet and time zone mismatches. In addition, all communication went online, which is why there was no self-confidence during communication in real life. We looked like two freaks who ran away from everyone to sit on their phone. In my company, this was not encouraged at all, and they constantly made fun of me.

And we also had manic jealousy that went beyond any limits. At first, these were romantic little things, for example, the exchange of passwords from VKontakte pages, STEAM accounts and e-mail. Then almost complete control began. The girl could come to my page at any time to find out with whom and what I am talking to, ignoring the privacy of other people. Or I said that I went for a walk with a friend, and after returning home, I found more than 20 missed calls and angry tirades in the style of “Oh, how could you!”.

If I heard something like that from a girl now, I would immediately stop communicating. But then it seemed to me that this was normal and could not be otherwise, because this is a relationship, which means that you are not separate people, but one whole.

My jealousy for the girl was much lighter. I was a little worried when I heard that she was going to go to a company with boys. But at the same time, I did not surf her page.

How did you get together

We had five meetings, two to three weeks each time. We worked part-time to save money, then we found out our parents' plans, discussed the date and met. This went on for a year.

After passing the exam, we chose one university, rented an apartment and started living together even before the start of our studies. Everything turned out almost perfect. Little things like cooking and cleaning have become incredible fun. We were put into a trance by the very opportunity to touch each other, watch and constantly talk with a loved one. We didn't even fight.

Why broke up

The problems started from the moment I introduced her to my company. She was a domestic girl, read books and played the piano. And I was gouging, playing rock music with friends in the basement. My friends were addicted to soft drugs, we liked to drink every day and got into fights.

Because of my girlfriend, I began to domesticate myself: I preferred evening film screenings to gatherings with friends or the next rehearsal of our rock group. When I found family seriousness and calmness, I realized that I wanted to surrender myself to this with my head. And, on the contrary, she began to be very much attracted by my past way of life. She got into the whole topic with alcohol, drugs and notes.

We started to quarrel, drift away, began to spend less time together. After one and a half to two years, the relationship finally began to decline.

After another quarrel, I did what I could not do: I took her phone and looked at her correspondence. I saw an unfamiliar guy there, opened a dialogue and realized that they, along with this comrade, litter me. I was emotional, I collected all her clothes, woke up in the middle of the night and threw out the door.

Subsequently, it turned out that they had nothing romantic. It was a friendly relationship in which she apparently found something that she no longer found in me.

Then we did not part, but it was the beginning of the end. We made up, but she asked for a week's break in the relationship. In parallel with this, at a party, I kissed another girl in a drunken stupor. I thought the pause was a temporary cessation of our commitment to each other. But she said that this is a terrible betrayal that cannot be forgiven.

I took the parting very painfully. This was the first relationship. Love seemed perfect, and then all these sublime feelings crashed into harsh realities.

What is the bottom line

I think we were both not the people we initially fell in love with. Internet communication creates a slightly distorted image of the interlocutor. We moved in and it was cool for us. But then they realized themselves and each other better, and everything happened as it should have happened.

But I would not have been able to foresee these problems and avoid them if we had not met at a distance from the very beginning. Now I am older and more experienced. And when you are children, it is simply impossible to understand that something is wrong. Especially on the Internet.

I am very disappointed in this girl. But I do not regret our relationship and I am glad that I had it.

After parting, I took care of myself. It gave me an understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I had a truly unforgettable experience and became much more understanding and calm.

But now I would never have a long-distance relationship. I would not wait for anyone and would not promise anything to anyone. I have too bright and good life to spend it on forever sticking in the phone.

Tips for starting a long-distance relationship

Run! And if it's no joke, then people in such a relationship need to be much more serious and more mature than everyone around. Always think ahead. Don't expect anything from the person you are chatting with over the internet, and be ready to get to know him again when you meet.

But most importantly, ignore other people's opinions. Stand your ground and show that you can. They joked at me and said that nothing would work out, and after parting, every friend of mine ran after my ex-girlfriend with flowers.

Trust that everything will work out. And if the person on the other side agrees with your opinion, is ready to wait and fight for a relationship, then everything will come out better than ever. But if something goes wrong, don't blame yourself. Perhaps your partner was not ready.

Story 3. "We with tears in our eyes tried to take the time to get as much as possible of each other."

Elena Smirnova Met a young man from another country for four years.

How did you meet

Grisha and I met in the summer of 2013 in an online game. I wrote to the general chat: "Hello". The players began to communicate, and he was among them.

Grisha asked how old I was. I replied that 19. He said: "Great, I'm a year older, so you will always be young with me." It was after this stupid phrase that I remembered him very well.

At first, our communication concerned only the game. But gradually we switched to personal topics, became interested in each other, and in September 2013 we phoned for the first time on Skype.

We talked about everything in the world, and we liked it so much that we didn't want to stop. In the process, it turned out that we live very far from each other: I am in Belarus, and he is in Russia - in Irkutsk. There were 6,000 kilometers between us and five hours of time difference. It was very difficult to dock: if I have evening, then it is already night for him, or I just woke up, and he is already in the middle of the day.

How the relationship began

Over time, we realized that there is more between us than just sympathy. We started switching to love topics, flirting, inventing cute nicknames for each other. And in the end, in the winter, we decided that we had a relationship.

We wanted to see each other and gradually began to prepare our relatives for this. Irkutsk was chosen for the first meeting. But my parents were totally against it, and I understand them. Imagine, my daughter comes and says: "I want to go to another country, I have a young man there, and I love him!" As a result, we organized a Skype conversation for our parents. After that, mine melted and were allowed to go.

I remember how my heart was pounding when I was already at the Irkutsk airport.

I was very much afraid that live I would be much worse than the picture on the Internet. Or that they saw a riddle in me from a distance, and now I will be uninteresting.

From the road, dusty and rumpled, I entered the airport building, and it was beautiful and with flowers. When I approached him, we hugged, kissed, and then I realized that my fears were in vain.

How does it feel to meet at a distance

There were very few meetings - only four, but we tried to make them as long as possible. We planned to visit each other in turn, and in the winter Grisha came to me.

Soon I graduated from university, and I had to go through compulsory work, which lasts two years. We could not solve this problem, and it crippled us a lot.

Over the course of four years of long-distance relationship, we made each other happy in different ways, for example, we sent gifts: soft toys, sweets. Grisha even sent me a ring once. I still laugh at him: they say, how are you not afraid to send such a message via the Russian Post.

We tried to devote all our free time to each other. I shifted my daily routine by a few hours in order to at least slightly reduce the time difference and be able to be with my beloved.

Sexual life was organized in Skype, and then in messengers. When they met, everything was live, but in separation they also really wanted intimacy, so they coped as best they could.

We had no reasons for jealousy. We believed each other and were calm, especially since both were home people. We didn’t have any quarrels over the distance either. We understood that it did not depend on us, and we were hostages of the situation.

Looking back, I wonder how we got through it. It is very difficult when you do not have the opportunity to meet at any time. It is banal to approach a person, sit down together and be silent.

The most difficult period was when we did not see each other for over a year.

I thought I'd end it all. The young man is far away, detention and autumn have begun - everything piled up together.

Grisha helped to cope with these thoughts. He did not give up, constantly called and reached out to me. And closer to winter, I found out when I would have a vacation, and lived only with the thought of it, counting the days to come.

After finishing the detention, I sorted out the documents, folded my things and immediately moved to Irkutsk. And a year later we got married - just on the fifth anniversary of our acquaintance, on July 3. And we have been living together for more than three years.

What is the bottom line

I perceive this time more as a test and I see two big disadvantages of such a relationship. The first is the huge distance and time difference. The realization that there are 6,000 kilometers between you is very pressing. The second is the lack of intimacy, and not only intimate. I want to support each other, hold hands, hug and be close. This emptiness inside could not be filled with anything.

But there are also pluses. Long distance relationships allowed us to look at problems differently. The fact that we are far from each other and it is not known how long it will last immediately made other difficulties less significant. And it also helped to check how serious we are. And thanks to distance, we have learned to solve difficulties through dialogue.

We had a lot of cute things in our relationship. For example, I remember how our eyes find each other in the crowd, we go towards, we feel the first touch and emotions filling us. It's all incredible. Even the breakups were touching. With tears in our eyes, we tried to delay the time in order to get as much as possible with each other, and promised to definitely meet again.

Our couple even had their own tradition - before leaving, they hide small notes in each other's things. And when it was completely sad, we talked about where they were. It was very nice to find the handwritten "I love you".

Tips for starting a long-distance relationship

Such a relationship has a future when there are feelings, patience and respect. Communicate more with each other. Try to meet as often as possible - it is very difficult to do without such a recharge.