8 reasons to cultivate healthy selfishness

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

You will get rid of ballast and be happier.

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What selfishness can be considered healthy

Selfishness is a philosophical concept, and in the literal sense of the word. The term itself arose in the 18th century, the phenomenon was discussed by prominent scientists of this direction. In the philosophical encyclopedic dictionary, egoism is defined as the principle of life orientation, which is based on the motives of selfishness and self-interest. It is self-interest, even at the cost of the good of others. In different ethical concepts, egoism was colored in different ways - from uncompromising evil to the natural engine of human behavior.

Later, philosophers coined the term "rational egoism." This was the name given to the ability to live by one's own interests, without jeopardizing the interests of others.

Sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it? You live your life the way you need it, and you don't bother anyone from doing the same. However, in everyday life, shades are rarely distinguished. To be known as an egoist, it is not necessary to go over the heads and destroy destinies. It is enough, for example, not to lend the last money. Or not sacrificing one day off to help someone move. Or just live the way you want.

But it's enough to endure it. Being a sane selfish person is a great survival strategy.

Why you need healthy selfishness

1. You will know what you want

It seems that it could be easier than realizing your dreams and desires! Alas, if you did not grow up on a desert island, then one way or another you fall under the influence of other people's expectations. Moreover, you may not even notice how they affect your decisions. For example, my mother always said that she sees you as a doctor. And you are so used to this idea that you simply do not consider other options, enter a medical school and consider it your choice, although you just did not have a choice.

Healthy selfishness helps to listen to your desires without fear of disappointing or offending someone. People close to you may have an advisory voice in this story, but the decision is still yours.

2. You will take responsibility for your life

As Spider-Man's uncle said, with great power comes great responsibility. And it's not about the cobweb from the hands. There is a downside to being able to live your own way: there is no one else to blame for making the wrong decision. However, it is worth the freedom you get.

There are many things that can go wrong in life. But if you took control of the situation into your own hands initially, it will be much easier to clean up the consequences.

3. You will remove unwanted passengers from your neck

Folk truth: whoever is lucky, they ride on that. People with a lack of selfishness are often afraid to refuse when asked for something. Even if they are asked to do some nonsense at an inconvenient time in an inconvenient place, they agree. They worry that they will be offended by refusal, that they will leave a person without help, or that they will be considered selfish. But real egoists are those who expect you to always respond to their requests and always agree to everything.

Of course, you need to help each other at least simply because you can. But doing this to the detriment of yourself is clearly not worth it. Learn to say no, and it will free you up a ton of time and energy.

4. You will learn to ask for help

Often, those who lack selfishness spend a lot of time and energy on solving other people's problems. But this does not mean that everything in their lives is cloudless. They just can't ask for help. They may feel that their difficulties are not significant enough that it is inconvenient to distract people from their lives.

An egoist will easily ask for help if he needs it. And he will easily receive it, even if the same intelligent egoists have gathered around.

People are ready to do more for you than you think.

Maybe they have free time, which is not a pity to spend, and you are a nice person. Or they love doing what you ask for. Finally, altruism is by no means the opposite of selfishness. People often help for selfish reasons, for example, to look better in the eyes of others.

5. You will learn to deal with rejection easily

An egoist knows how to say "no" and that is why he is ready to accept refusals from others. You need to lower the piano from the sixth floor and you ask a friend for help. If he agrees, you happily transport the instrument. If not, you understand everything and are not making dramas. It means that he has more important occupation, and you need to consider other options.

If you yourself do not know how to refuse, then any "no" will be a tragedy for you and a source of resentment, because you expect people to do the same as you do. But they don't have to do that. It's not their fault that you yourself agree, even when you desperately don't want to.

6. You will feel better

Self-sacrifice, of course, can please for some time due to the feeling of "I'm doing well." But sooner or later you will face anger, resentment, aggression from the fact that you allow yourself to be pushed around and violate your boundaries. So intelligent selfishness will make your life much easier and more positive. It will also affect physical health, because acting in your own interests means taking care of your body. You will not cancel the appointment with the doctor because a friend asked you to sit with the child.

7. You surround yourself with nice people

As soon as you learn to say "no" and interact with people on the basis of mutual benefit and, what is important, mutual respect, the subjects parasitizing on you will fall off. And you can finally ban unpleasant followers on social networks without any hesitation. Those who stay around you will be nice people who will see and accept your boundaries.

8. It will be easier for you to build harmonious relationships

In a relationship, there are many times when you have to give in. But it is unfair if someone is doing this alone. Especially if he is forced to give up something important. Healthy selfishness helps you avoid sacrificing meaningful things and seek solutions that make your life better, not worse.

It can also help you get out of a relationship with an emotional abuser in the early stages. With a radical attempt to push the boundaries, the egoist will think: “I am anxious and bad, this is not the way with me,” and he is evacuated. This, of course, is not a panacea, because abusers often act much more subtly, but already something.

How to cultivate healthy selfishness

1. Make friends with yourself

You have long considered the desires and needs of others as priorities, and therefore could knock off the scope in which you can see your own. You will have to work on the mistakes and figure out what you really like, whether you like the position in which you are, and so on.

2. Pause before answering

Reliability is also a kind of habit. So it’s worth giving some time to meditation. Take your time and promise less. Give yourself the opportunity to understand what emotions the situation brings you, how comfortable it is, and whether you are ready to do what they want from you.

3. Be considerate of people

Often people who have not built their own boundaries, and others do not see them. This interferes with a mutually beneficial and pleasant relationship, contrary to the concept of reasonable egoism. Listen when people say no, tell you about their emotions. Don't hurt others on the way to your goals. There is a difference between refusing a colleague who wants to shove his work on you, or not meeting your mom at the airport because you want to sleep a little longer.

4. Start saying no

Just try it, it's addictive. You can refuse if you have other plans, you don't like the idea or even the person. And you don't even have to explain why. But, of course, all this must be done with an amendment to the previous paragraph.

5. Build boundaries

Healthy selfishness isn't just about not doing what you don't want to do. You also do not have to participate in conversations where you are asked uncomfortable questions or insults, go to unpleasant meetings, answer any calls and let all intruders into the house. It will be easy here with unfamiliar people. But from loved ones who are accustomed to your patience, you will have to defend yourself, and it will be a tough fight.

6. Make time for pleasure

Finally start doing what brings you joy. It sounds corny, but many people don't do it for a thousand reasons. They believe that this is useless, requires a lot of money, society and mother will not approve - you never know what arguments there can be. If it's fun, fits within your budget (don't forget responsibility!), Just do it. Isn't being happy healthy selfishness?