How to attract people to you: secrets from intelligence officers

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-13 00:26

An excerpt from Robin Drick and Cameron Stout's book "Building Trust Using Intelligence Techniques" will teach you how to better interact with others.

5 tips from special agents

1. Tame your ego

Each of us is by nature the center of his life and should always remain so. To receive a gift such as the trust of another person, you must give him the same natural, normal self-image. The lives of others, regardless of who they are responsible for, revolve around themselves. Not you. Take it for granted, and then they will trust you.

The most attractive side of trust is modesty, the humility of one's pride.

Robin Drick

2. Don't judge

Respect the opinions, perceptions and views of others, even if they are alien to you and directly opposite to yours. No one trusts those who look down on them and do not understand them. Nonjudgmental acceptance is the most powerful incentive to build trust.

3. Recognize and value the importance of others

Decency is inherent in every person - regardless of their position in life - and in order to be worthy of their trust, you must admit it, demonstrate your decency and improve. We are all born with a sacred right to our ideas, and no one is born with the desire to destroy or alienate others. Decency is the foundation of human society.

4. Respect common sense

Resist the temptation to become personal, evoke emotions, argue, exaggerate, manipulate, or coerce. Stick to the facts, be honest and sincere.

Only those who rely on common sense, honesty, and decency are able to create the foundation of a rational community of interests on which trust rests.

Robin Drick

Trust based on excessive emotionality will only last until the next outburst of emotion. Fear-based leadership only instills fear. Convince people that you are trustworthy and they will believe you.

5. Be generous

Don't expect to be given trust if you don't trust yourself. People are not inclined to believe those who prefer a one-sided relationship. Selfishness is repulsive. Generosity attracts.

The most generous gift from you is your trust. The most lasting gift you can offer is trust for many years.

4 steps to gaining trust

1. Agree on your goals

First, a reward that justifies all sacrifices made on her altar. Choose it carefully and follow it rigorously. Don't get distracted by smaller goals, no matter how important they may seem.

Second, find out the goals of others and find compelling reasons to acknowledge their importance.

Third, look for ways to reconcile your goals and those of others. Try to make their tasks part of the process of reaching your goal, and your goal as part of their task. If you succeed, you will gain the power that can only come from joining forces.

2. Consider the context

To successfully combine your own and others' efforts, you need to know the aspirations, beliefs, character traits, models and demographic characteristics of others. These are the main components that define the context. Find out everything and more. So you will understand what people really are, and not how they try to imagine themselves or how you imagine them in your terrible fantasies.

Knowing about people includes knowing how you look in their eyes.

Robin Drick

If they have a misconception about you, try to show who you are. People are what they are, so look for an appropriate approach to them, do not try to change them. In general, don't argue with context.

3. Develop a contact plan

When meeting potential allies, plan the meeting carefully, especially the first one. Choose the perfect setting. Think in advance about what the atmosphere should be, the nature of the event, the ideal time and place, your first words, your goal and contribution - what you offer.

With well thought out and organized meetings, you will be able to build trust with the speed of a river that rushes to the sea and carries with it everything that falls into it.

4. Build relationships

To successfully align your goals - and keep what you have achieved - speak the same language, literally and figuratively. Words - and the character traits they reveal - are the main tools for building trust.

Use the language of common sense, respect and consideration for people to build strong, lasting bonds that help you achieve your goals. The language of trust is verbal and is not based on narcissism, judgment, irrationality or self-interest. He - and the whole way of life - includes understanding, recognition of the worth and dignity of the other, and help. The main thing is they, not you.

Even if relationships change, and goals are forgotten, the words and feelings they evoked can forever remain in the memory.

For more information on how to properly assess other people and identify their needs, desires, needs, intentions and fears, read the book "Building Trust Using the Methods of Special Services".