How to live when you don't want anything

Everyone has periods when even simple daily activities - washing dishes, working with mail, playing with a child - become a burden. What can we say about complex projects, creativity and new beginnings. In this case, psychologists say that the person has left the resource state - that is, he has ceased to feel stable, fulfilled, and rested.

This can happen due to illness or severe fatigue, failures at work and conflicts with loved ones, tragic events, age and personality crises, and so on. Weakness and apathy can fade away after a person has rested, or they can turn out to be symptoms of incipient depression and a reason to turn to a psychotherapist. We figure out what to do to help yourself.

Forget about magic dumplings

From childhood, we are taught that inaction is always bad. Laziness is a vice, idleness is a sin, procrastination is the lot of losers. And no matter how bad it is, you need to tear your ass off the couch, get out of your comfort zone, work, engage in self-development, be active and productive. It is not surprising that, having fallen out of the resource state, a person first of all begins to blame himself for it.

This is followed by attempts to force oneself to work, to punish for inaction and to stimulate oneself with threats. These are all types of negative motivation. An expert on human resources management argues that neither punishment, nor intimidation and pressure, nor carrots and sticks work in the long run. On the contrary, this approach leads to the fact that a person no longer sees the point in what he is doing.

The very existence of laziness as a vice or negative character trait in the modern world is being questioned.

Some experts argue that laziness does not exist at all. Others say it is a defense mechanism that saves us from overwork. A whole tangle of reasons and feelings can be hidden behind inaction: fear of failure, lack of motivation, fatigue or illness, in the end, a banal unwillingness to do what is needed.

If you have fallen out of the resource state, it is worth considering taking a break and resting, as far as circumstances permit. Or go into a kind of energy saving mode and do only the most necessary things, and postpone all other tasks until better times or delegate to relatives, friends and colleagues.

Have an internet detox

In 1998, American psychologist Robert Kraut discovered that the more time a person spends on the Internet, the higher their risk of becoming depressed. About 25% of social media users are prone to the so-called Facebook depression, which arises from the fact that a person had to face bullying, insults or envy.

According to an American study, 58% of social media users, comparing their lives with the posts of Internet friends, assess it negatively and feel like a failure. Constantly looking back at others and reading posts about other people's achievements can be great to undermine your self-esteem. And this is hardly what is required for a person who already has neither the strength nor the mood.

For a period of rest and recovery of resources, it may be worth giving up social media. Or limit their use to the required minimum. The same goes for any “motivating” literature. Reading about how to earn more and live brighter is better when you have the strength for all this.

Praise yourself

In the pyramid of needs of Abraham Maslow, on one of the upper tiers is the need for respect and recognition. For a person to feel good, it is very important to know that they are valued and that their actions are important and meaningful. From school, if not from kindergarten, we get used to waiting for praise from other people, and not from ourselves.

And we consider achievements only that which can be measured, evaluated and presented to others - promotion at work, buying a car, getting a diploma. But many, at first glance, small steps that make up our path to great success, go unnoticed., an ecologist who has studied the life and philosophy of Australian aborigines for many years, together with his colleagues came up with a method for planning personal and corporate projects. He believes that there should be four processes in life - daydreaming, planning, acting and celebrating. And without the last - celebration - the cycle remains unfinished, we do not feel pleasure and recognition.

Any steps - even those that seem tiny to us - are worth celebrating, not devaluing.

Cooking a delicious and balanced meal is, at first glance, a trifle. But if you take a closer look, this is one of the elements that make up the health of the whole family. Half a page of text - it would seem very little, but in a year at such a pace you can write a whole book.

For those who are tired, confused and unsure of themselves, it is especially important to celebrate achievements - both big and small, everyday. Alternatively, keep a success diary and write at least five things to praise yourself for every day. It even counts what we are used to not noticing - routine household chores and work tasks.

This practice will help you feel significant and find a source of recognition and praise within yourself, rather than expecting them from other people. And of course, no one bothers to pamper yourself with entertainment and pleasant purchases or make it a rule to regularly celebrate successes with family or friends.

Take your time and ask for help

During difficult periods, we look forward to any bright period - a day when the mood will be a little better, and a little more energy. And when it comes, there is a temptation to rush to solve a million problems and make heroic plans. However, there is no need to rush.

There is a possibility that the next day the energy will run out again and all these unfulfilled obligations will fall on you as a dead weight.

David Burns in Mood Therapy. A clinically proven way to beat depression without pills,”says that, getting out of the vicious circle of apathy, inactivity and self-flagellation, it is very important not to rush things and start with simple things, gradually increasing the load.

He advises to write down in the diary even such seemingly elementary actions as brushing teeth, reading or having lunch, in front of each noting on a five-point scale how much benefit and / or pleasure they brought. Having coped with the main tasks, a person feels a rise in mood and enthusiasm to do something more difficult.

And so, step by step, he gradually gets out of the emotional hole in which he finds himself. However, if you still cannot cope with apathy on your own and return to a resource state, this is a reason to seek help from a psychotherapist.