Invisible Labor: Why Household Matriarchy Is Not Power, But Tiring Responsibility

What is household matriarchy

The term “everyday matriarchy” began to be widely discussed after a series of speeches by political scientist Ekaterina Shulman.

Ekaterina Shulman Political scientist.

We are a country of everyday matriarchy. Moreover, it is so in front of everyone's eyes that no one notices. Mothers of families determine where the family lives, how they live, how money is spent, where the children study, when to make repairs, where to go on vacation. Fathers of families decide important questions: who is to blame - Russia or America, or who started the Second World War.

This statement gave rise to a wave of discussions, and each side understood it in its own way. Some have heard only the word "matriarchy":

Screenshot: "Yandex. Zen"

Others focused on the adjective "household" and resented:

Everyday matriarchy is when you ask your man to go with you to Auchan and buy food for the family. You oppress. You could bring them on yourself.

"Household matriarchy" to the first bruise on the face from the hubby due to the fact that the ruler spent the money in the wrong place or cooked a tasteless borscht)))) Women are so domineering ???

Schulman later noted that she was not credited with what she wanted to say.

Ekaterina Shulman

When you say “everyday matriarchy,” people hear the following: we do not need feminism in Russia, we are already ruled by women. No, this is not what I mean at all. Everyday matriarchy does not make women's lives richer, safer, or more prosperous.

Why does money end up in the hands of a woman

Let's start with the hottest topic: budget. Everything here, in general, is obvious, if we take into account the average Russian salaries.

Expectation: the oppressed man does not buy himself a Bentley, because the angry wife demands all the salary that he will pay down on the eyelashes and the Maldives.

Reality: the income is enough only for what is needed, so it is the woman who is trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage for 30 thousand, feed and clothe four people, and even put something off.

And it's not just guesswork. This state of affairs is supported by research;: women manage finances in 25.5% of families, men - in 4%. In other cases, there are trade-offs.

The family budget is more likely to fall into the hands of a woman if she is more educated and earns more than a man. Although in such situations the opposite happens: the wife delegates all decisions to her husband so as not to hurt his ego and restore traditional gender roles. Money can also be at the disposal of the spouse if the couple has been living together for a long time. But one of the decisive factors is low family income.

Dilyara Ibragimova Associate Professor, Department of Economic Sociology, Department of Sociology, National Research University Higher School of Economics.

In the context of limited resources, decision-making on major issues is predominantly the responsibility of the woman. But in this situation, it is more of a burden than a privilege, as you need to make ends meet. Well, women, as studies show, spend a little differently. They are better at saving money, they can cut expenses for their own purposes, spending on children and household.

How household power turns into work

The same study on family finances says that money management is not equal to power. The one who manages the funds does not necessarily make the decisions related to them.

The woman often has the last word when it comes to large purchases for the kitchen, savings, leisure activities, restocking, raising and educating children. When buying a car and electronics, the decision is made by a man.

Determining what to spend money on - buckwheat or pasta is objectively so-so power. And at the same time, it is necessary to remember what is already in the refrigerator, which household member eats what and what does not, what dishes were prepared last week, so as not to repeat themselves. More like the position of the manager, who is nominally called the director of procurement, if only he would not be offended.

The zones of the so-called female power only sound cool in words. In fact, in order to solve, for example, issues with the education of children, you must first find out what educational institutions are, where are good teachers, when to write an application for admission and where to complain if it is not accepted. Parents' meetings, the purchase of notebooks and textbooks, voluntary-compulsory participation in school activities - all this is not very exciting. Logistics, as a rule, is also handled by a woman. At best, a man receives clear instructions on who to deliver and where to pick up.

This micromanagement takes a lot of energy. Even in situations with the division of domestic work, in which a man does not mind taking on half of the work, you can hear: "I'm ready, only you tell me what to do!" Nominally, this is power, because the woman tells him what to do. In fact, extra work.

What is wrong with everyday matriarchy

The illusion of domestic matriarchy is dangerous in that it devalues real-life gender problems: violence, the "glass ceiling", the wage gap, reproductive pressure, and so on.

“What doesn't suit you at all?”, “What other rights do you need? In the family, women decide everything!”,“Everywhere - from kindergarten to the pension fund - women! We have matriarchy in general”. Sociologist Anna Tyomkina exhaustively answered such exclamations in an interview with Forbes.

Anna Tyomkina Ph. D. in Sociology, Professor at the Faculty of Sociology at the European University at St. Petersburg, Co-Director of the Gender Studies Program.

Let's take a look at the indicators. Who has more salaries in the country - men or women? Who is more in power? There is no structural matriarchy. About "matriarchy" (in quotation marks, because this is a too hackneyed term) is often spoken about when they discover the "power" of women in the sphere of intimacy or in the private sphere, the power of the mother. In the sexual sphere, in parenting, a woman can adapt and manipulate: "My earnings are lower, but I will dispose of those who have access to children." This is the so-called patriarchal deal - certain women receive benefits in the patriarchal system as mothers, as objects of sexual desire.

Moreover, the so-called everyday matriarchy is characteristic of patriarchal countries. In addition to Russia, China, Mexico, and Japan are in the top. In the Scandinavian countries - the countries of the exemplary The Global Gender Gap Index 2020 Rankings - World Economic Forum for gender equality - this phenomenon practically does not occur. And in general, the definition of "household" is never associated with privileges. This is what you should focus on and stop wishful thinking.