Someone else's body is none of your business. Why people have the right to look the way they want

Why does someone else's appearance not concern anyone?

In order not to beat around the bush, let's start with a revolutionary thought: no one is obliged to be beautiful. It is with a lack of understanding of this that the desire of people to discuss someone else's appearance is usually associated.

The media write Again Markle and Hadid: who broke this week about the stars in the unsuccessful, in someone's opinion, dresses. In the comments under the posts of popular bloggers, someone will definitely point out their external flaws. And if someone dares to loudly declare that he is not ashamed of extra pounds, protruding ears or freckles, expect trouble. Soon a whole assault force will land here, dissatisfied with someone else's courage.

And here two more rather fresh thoughts await us:

Nobody should correspond to other people's ideas about beauty.
Someone's beauty standards are not the ultimate truth.

A person whom the other intends to drive into the narrow framework of his perception has eyes and a mirror. There is not a single logical explanation why he should look the way someone likes and not him.

This cannot be explained by concern. Extreme fatness or thinness can somehow be tied to health, although even here a person will figure it out himself. But it is not clear how red lipstick, a plump dress or hair under the armpits can harm.

Therefore, everything that is said about someone else's appearance is pure taste. But there is a nuance. You can consider something beautiful and ugly. But it's better to keep your thoughts about it to yourself. A negative, uninvited opinion about one's appearance is always an insult.

What will the result of moving away from strict beauty standards

In this text, the word "body positive" has never been encountered, so that the fire at the fifth point does not interfere with attentive reading. But it is precisely about accepting the appearance of a person in all its diversity. Body positivity is not only and not so much about weight, but about allowing yourself not to worry about asymmetrical eyebrows or wearing a skirt, despite a tiny birthmark on your knee.

But opponents of body positive usually perceive it extremely one-sided. We do not take into account those who are worried that "there will be some terrible people around" - we have already decided on them. Let's talk about those who consider it a ban on self-care. Quite the opposite is true. You can do whatever you want with your appearance, and that's the most beautiful thing.

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Why does no one forbid loving beautiful

In conversations about the need to calmly accept someone else's appearance, an absurd argument often pops up. Usually it contains insults, so let's reformulate it as a less offensive “But I like brunettes. But do you think I should now fall in love with blondes too? I can't bring myself to!"

Porn standards

Thanks to the internet, accessing porn has become very easy. As a result, the average person watches a lot of videos before ending up in bed with someone real. And there a surprise awaits him.

Porn actors undergo significant training before being presented in front of the cameras. It's not just about going to the gym and getting a thick layer of makeup.

Pornstars before and after applying makeup

Actors and, to a greater extent, actresses perform plastic surgery, remove hair all over the body, whiten the vulva and anus (there will be no photos). It is worth noting that for a long time a very beautiful woman and a so-so man was considered the porn standard. This was done so that the viewer did not worry, comparing himself to the stallion on the screen. But, as we know, men also have many reasons to feel complex after watching porn.

As a result, the average consumer of adult films has a very rough idea of what real people look like and approaches them with initially unattainable requirements. So, on Instagram, sex educator Tatyana Nikonova periodically pops up messages from victims of the porn industry. For example, we can talk about dissatisfaction with "not enough white" skin in the perineum.

Commercial interests

If people are satisfied with themselves, then to whom will the beauty industry sell a bunch of products and procedures, not all of which, by the way, are effective? Most of them advertise on guilt and shame. “Are you not that / not that? You can't see sex as your ears. People will cross to the other side of the street when they see you. How does the earth wear such people! It sounds exaggerated, but you've probably come across such ads.

Moreover, it is quite simple to form new standards. If in the 2000s it was enough for a girl to be thin, then after 10 years it became necessary to have a pumped-up ass and a relief back. Morning jogging is not enough, you need a gym membership and at least a few sessions with a trainer. It's just that eyebrows and eyelashes are yesterday, you need to invest in them properly. And so in everything.

And if we talk about nature, then most often it is possible to get closer to modern standards only by going against it.

Plastic surgeries, like any surgical intervention, are unsafe. Epidemic of beauty: the patient died in a Moscow clinic during intimate plastic surgery. Beauty treatments are time consuming and costly. And what in return? Someone else's approval is somehow not enough.

Why Lack of Hard Standards Is Good

When they say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, they mean that the attitude towards someone else's appearance is subjective. But no one specifies what exactly affects perception. And here everything is prosaic: the point is watching. The more diverse the world around you, the more options will be acceptable to you. Conversely, the more limited your horizons, the narrower the standards of beauty will be.

It doesn't just work with attractiveness scores. For example, for a resident of a remote European village, to which the signal of the mobile Internet does not reach, all the inhabitants of Asia will be alike. But it is worth seeing at least a few nationalities, communicating with people, and you will easily enough distinguish the Chinese from the Koreans and will never confuse them with the Filipinos.

It will not be possible to remove the pressure from the outside. But you can develop critical thinking and broaden your horizons. It will force you to take a fresh look at the world and see beauty where you would not expect to see it.

It's hard to believe, but watching really solves a lot of problems. The more different people there are around, the easier it will be for you to live. This does not mean that one day you will like, for example, hairy female legs. You will treat them indifferently, which will help both yourself and the owner of the indicated limbs. And someone in return will not pay attention to your shortcomings - you definitely have them. So the lack of focus on someone else's appearance is beneficial to everyone.