Raising an independent child: the lazy mom's method

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Principles to help parents teach their children important life skills and avoid scandals and whims.

How many funny and sad stories have we heard about how adult uncles and aunts bring their mothers for an interview? How do graduates go to the admissions office for a pen with their grandmother? All these problems grow from childhood, in which parents shake over their children, do not sleep at night, get tired of a huge number of things.

It's good to be a lazy mom who can sleep on weekends until lunchtime, because the children themselves will wake up and wash, and make breakfast for themselves, and find something to do. It's good to be a lazy dad, whose children will clean the room themselves without a command, and then help fix the tap. We will tell you how to become so lazy and happy so that the children are also happy.

Anna Bykova is sure: you can do without sleepless nights, and without scandals and whims. To do this, you need to raise independent children, those who will not need the help of their parents.

How to be a lazy parent

In fact, laziness with this approach is slyness. There is no smell of true laziness here. Raising children who do not need constant supervision requires enormous labor costs from parents.

Mother's "laziness" at the base should have concern for children, and not indifference.

Anna Bykova

A child can become independent only because he has to. For example, if he is left to himself all the time and there is no time to take care of him. But such independence loses in terms of the level of development of a consciously brought up, when parents do everything so that the child ceases to need them as soon as possible.

Let's take a look at the basic principles of a lazy mom.

Never do for a child what he can himself

Not doing for the child what he can already is, in fact, not interfering. For example, at a year and a half a child can cope with a spoon, and at three - get dressed, put toys in place, at five - warm up breakfast in the microwave, at seven - return from school and do their homework on their own. Why doesn't the child do this?

Yes, because his parents do not allow him, for whom it is easier and faster to feed, clothe, collect, bring by the hand.

Children are actually smarter than they seem. And a hungry child will not give up porridge, and a tired child will not fall asleep with a scandal. The parents' business is only to help: give porridge, read a fairy tale, suggest what the weather is like outside and what is better to wear.

How to find out what a child can do

Since all children are different, then the timing of development is individual. Nowhere are tables published, which indicate at what age a child can be handed a knife, and at what age a child can be sent to a store for bread.

When hands reach out to do something for the baby, ask yourself the question: why can't the child do it himself? It is one thing - he cannot physically, because motor skills are not developed, because he is tired, because he is sick. This is where parenting is needed.

Another thing is that he cannot, because he does not want to, requires attention, is capricious. In this case, you need to talk, calm down, prompt, but do nothing superfluous.

And, finally, if the child simply does not know how yet, he must be taught.

Teach your child, don't do it for him

You need to teach the child according to the scheme “show → do together → let do with a hint → let do it yourself”. Moreover, the points "to do together" or "to do with a hint" will have to be repeated more than once.

Before my eight-month-old son began to crawl off the high couch correctly, I turned him in the right direction, probably five hundred times. At three years old, it was enough to show ten times how the mop works, and once to check that the child was enthusiastically mopping the floors. At the age of five, watching dad work with side cutters, the child skips the stage "let's do it together" and uses the tool correctly.

The lazy parent is willing to spend hours and days to make the house safe and teach the child to play on their own.

But then he will enjoy the opportunity to sleep on the weekend, because the child will not rush to mom and dad right after getting up.

Help solve the problem, do not solve for the child

When a small person is given big tasks, it is logical to hear in response that he “cannot”. How can you chop up a bowl of lettuce when there is a mountain of vegetables? Ordinary parents will cut themselves, lazy ones will go the other way.

They will help you break down the task into smaller ones. For example, first cut only cucumbers, then only tomatoes, and then only greens will remain.

Let your child be wrong

A child, mastering a new business, will make a lot of mistakes, even if the occupation seems to an adult to be nonsense. We'll have to find a button inside ourselves that turns off criticism. Of course, a three-year-old with a mop will not mop the floor, but only wet it.

Lazy parents won't take away a bucket of water. They will praise the child, thank him for his help. In the meantime, the child is watching the cartoon, they will imperceptibly wipe the puddles. Lazy people will not scold a child for a wrong type of tea chosen in a store or for a jacket that is too light, not for the weather.

Because any mistake is an experience, and only experience can make a person independent.

Give your child a choice

For a child to be independent, he needs to choose. And to choose for real, without deception. Ask your child to choose the clothes in which he will go for a walk. Buy breakfast cereals. Decide how to spend the day off and which section to go to after class.

We'll have to look closely at the child and trust him, be there and lend his shoulder.

It's harder than doing everything on your own. But with this approach, it will be easier to be parents every day.

Think about every "no"

Some of the prohibitions are necessary because we care about the safety of the child. But sometimes, behind the word "no" is a concern for your own convenience. It is easier to forbid a child to pick up a watering can than to teach him to water.

A child can overturn a flower, scatter the earth, can fill a flower, and water will flow over the edge of the pot. But this is how, through actions, the child learns to coordinate movements, understand the consequences and correct mistakes.

Anna Bykova

Therefore, "no" can only be that which is unsafe. For example, eating with dirty hands or crossing the road in the wrong place.

When once again the hard "no" is ready to jump off the tongue, stop, think, answer the question: "Why not?"

Anna Bykova

If it is impossible because it is more convenient for you, then you will not see the happiness of a lazy parent for a long time.

Get your child interested

For a child, any process is a game. As soon as he stops playing, you can only force him to do something with threats, punishments, intimidation and other evil spirits, which it is better not to drag into family relationships.

It is desirable that the child gets the experience of independence on the wave of "Wow, how interesting it is to try!"

Anna Bykova

When a child can do something, but does not want to, get him interested. Spilled water? We take a mop to scrub the deck of your ship like a real sailor. The same game gets boring quickly, so you have to strain your imagination and offer different options.

We may not be ideal parents, but our task is to make sure that the child stops needing us. This is probably enough.

There are specific tips and examples from pedagogical experience. Read and be lazy usefully.