What if I am the owner?

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Here are six tips.

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What if I am the owner? Especially in relationships. How to get rid of these feelings? I understand that in this way I make other people suffer. It turns out badly for everyone from this, but I do not know how to solve the problem. Tell me please!

Anonymously

Possessiveness is an important component of jealousy. We will talk about it now. Perhaps this will allow you to find the root of evil and start working with it.

Jealousy is an absolutely normal feeling inherent in any person. It is accompanied by anxiety, sadness, anger, restlessness. And also negative thoughts like: "My partner should not be interested in other people" or "I should (should) always know what is happening / what my partner is doing."

Our anxious mind needs to know and control everything. And when we have, as it seems to us, not enough facts about reality, then we begin to complete it with the help of our imagination. And as a result, we perceive the world around us through the prism of our jealous mind.

Summarizing the experience of specialists dealing with jealousy issues, the following recommendations can be distinguished:

Don't expect jealousy to completely disappear. Let her be. Give it a special place so that it is part of you, but does not completely capture your mind. Accept the normality of your jealousy: all people experience it to one degree or another.
Remember, the thought of your partner leaving you is just a thought. Many people think that if it appears in the head, then there are objective reasons for that. But this is just an attempt to "finish building" reality. Let's say your partner has gone somewhere for a couple of hours, and in your head you already imagine him (her) in the arms of another person and because of these thoughts you feel severe discomfort. Tell yourself: "Stop!" You know that a person has gone for a walk - this is a fact, an objective situation. The rest is your speculation, which has nothing to do with reality. Separate fiction from reality and focus on the second, because you will get nothing but discomfort and increased anxiety, thinking about the possible consequences and outcomes.
Separating thought from reality, say it. Instead of “I'm afraid of losing my partner. Most likely, he (she) will now find himself a better person than me”think about it this way:“I think that my partner can find another person for himself, but I have no objective reason to think so. And I see that this thought does not help me, but creates discomfort."
Don't put labels on yourself. By labeling "I am the owner" you devalue all the diversity of your personality, experience, wealth of resources and opportunities. Jealousy is only a small part of you. Learn to separate one from the other.
Set aside time for jealousy. When you can separate the jealousy from yourself (but not completely incinerate), do not forbid yourself to experience this feeling. Set aside, for example, an hour a day when you indulge in jealous thoughts. However, at the same time, control them as described above.
Think about what attitudes you have about relationships. During the analysis, you may see that some of your ideas about relationships are very unrealistic. For example, you think that in a relationship your partner will not find anyone attractive or interesting if they really love you. Try asking yourself a few questions to see how logical this setting is. Does it make sense that you are the only person in the world that your partner can find attractive? Do you find other people attractive and interesting? Does this indicate that you do not love your partner? By answering these questions, you will come to the conclusion that no one person can live up to this rule.

All of the above recommendations are based on my cognitive and practical experience. However, such advice may not always solve the problem - in which case you should seek help from a specialist.