How work and relationships are similar

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Can you compare work and relationships? Are these such different spheres, as we used to think, or do they have something in common? You can find answers to questions and share your thoughts in this article.

It always seemed to me curious how we are used to opposing career and personal life, mentally putting them on different shelves, never comparing with each other. Sometimes it seems that there is an unsigned, but all accepted pact in the world on the separation of these two spheres of life that are important for a person. Many companies even have special rules of corporate ethics that govern the standards of behavior of employees in situations when two souls from the same open space liked each other.

But are work and relationships really so different? In my opinion, they are much more similar than we think. A closer look reveals a number of interesting parallels.

Relationships are a startup

Any relationship in its infancy is like a startup. Perhaps your little startup will take off, you will make millions and become the next Zuckerberg. It is possible that after an adventurous date, you will marry that very beautiful curly-haired stranger from the bar and give birth to him three adorable children.

However, according to statistics, most startups do fail in their early years. Projects with even the brightest ideas and inspired teams fall apart due to lack of demand for a product or because of weak relationships within the team, and some of them simply cannot withstand competition in the market.

In the relationship market, things are similar. Just imagine how many couples dispersed due to disagreements between partners! Competition in this market is also quite aggressive. And sometimes it's hard to support a small, modest startup without external investment in a situation of constant struggle for a place in the sun. And if the task is to conduct an analysis of demand, then I advise you to walk around a cafe in the center of Moscow: an old adage about how men's demand is suppressed by women's supply will inevitably come to mind.:)

Can Startup Tips Apply to Relationships?

Quite. Even in a very small business, you can learn something. Relationships are a daily job, and it takes a lot of work to build a strong family. Remember: if it seems to you that your project is very easy to implement, perhaps you simply do not know anything about the area where you are going to create (in the case of relationships, about your partner).

Sometimes you need to spend years trying to properly set up business processes and make everything work. In a relationship, everything is the same. To truly get to know each other and create a strong union, you need to spend a lot of time, and also be ready to seek compromises and meet each other halfway. Everything is like in business.

Launching a new startup? Starting a relationship? There is no need to immediately trumpet everyone around about it. If it seems to you that the whole country should learn about your small startup right now, take a break: it may only seem to you.

Start small and see how your production is doing. Sometimes it is worthwhile to correctly assess your strengths and not upload hundreds of thousands of photos with the new love of your life to all existing social networks. In a week, your addictions may change, another love of your life will appear. In this case, your changeable nature will have to spend time and effort to clean up the tails.

And finally … Even as an adherent of multitasking, I have to admit that in order to succeed in something, you need to focus on it. Let's say you currently have several volatile startups. In times of crisis, no matter how sad it is, you will have to give up something in order for at least one business to survive. If you are currently developing several ambitious relationships on different fronts at once, you need to make a choice so that at least one union can grow stronger. You will have to give up other feelings and connections. Well, you get the idea.

Fuckups happen

Failure is an integral part of both work and relationships. For successes in a certain area, we often do not see the failures and doubts that preceded the covers of Forbes and the interview with Ksenia Sobchak. So it is in relationships. Looking at the beautiful facade of love and harmony, we sometimes forget about how many fiasco we had to endure before the cherished meeting with a soul mate.

Princeton University psychology professor Johannes Haushofer recently published his summary of failures. To the surprise of the author himself, it aroused much more interest in the public than all previous academic work. In this summary of the files, instead of the usual points, the professor put new ones: "Universities that I did not get into", "Academic positions that I did not get", "Grants that I did not receive."

Most of my endeavors fail miserably. The problem is that failures always go unnoticed, while successes are striking. Many associate their failures with themselves, and not with the fact that the world is full of coincidences, and panelists and reviewers are in a bad mood.

Johannes Haushofer

Punctures and failures are not limited to work. There is nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, there are only two options for the development of events, when the decisions are not made by you: you are promoted or fired. So it is with relationships: either they are promoted in status, or they are fired. Refusal is a normal development of events, just proof that you have tried.

Often people tend to see only the outside: happy photos of newlyweds, long stories about wonderful romantic trips to distant lands, dinners of ideal partners who have found each other among a crowd of strangers. All of this is true. But there is also a second side of the coin. Can you imagine what percentage of people did not find anyone among the same crowd of strangers? Or perhaps he found it, and then realized that it would be better if he didn’t find it? How many dates did a girl have to go on before she considered the man of her dreams? How many times could they have said no to him before she said yes?

As Confucius said, our greatest triumph is not never to fall, but to get up every time we fall.

Dating is like interviewing a new job

In today's reality, dating has become something of an interview for a new job. At the same time, just as in business, mistakes can lead to huge two-way losses of time, money and energy invested.

As with applying for a job, on a date you need to accomplish two tasks: make a great first impression and find out as much information as possible about the other person. Not only does the employer look at you as a potential employee, but you also look at a potential boss / partner as someone with whom you will work / live in the future. And the main thing is to discern real nature, and not only what is shown to you out of a desire to please and be accepted.

As a rule, there are several dates and interviews. The interview with the candidate is preceded by a thorough preparation. It often starts with social media screening. This is generally my favorite.

It is certain that social media research is an essential skill of the 21st century. If your chosen one has problems with alcohol, there is an additional set in the form of a wife and children, or another girl, it is clearly better to find out about this before starting a relationship. A social media page is a product presentation. Tinder looks like a slideshow at all.

If the screening is successful, a series of personal interviews begins, where you can really get to know the candidate. Feel free to ask. Remember, dating is a feedback process.

How to learn the skill of "being in a relationship"

In his book The Art of Love, Erich Fromm points out that love is not a thing, but a process, an action, an act. And in order to learn something, you have to constantly work on it, practice.

Is love an art? If so, then it requires knowledge and effort. If someone is chasing quick results, he will never learn the art.

Erich Fromm German sociologist, philosopher, psychoanalyst

Fromm highlights several things that you should pay attention to if you want to acquire a new skill. So, to become a master in any business (and therefore, in love and relationships too), you need discipline (including self-discipline), concentration (the ability to listen and hear another), patience. Fromm sees the last condition of learning any craft as a higher interest in acquiring mastery. So, if art is not a subject of the highest importance for the student, he will never learn it.

We are reeling, guys: the right priorities - and in relationships too - are the first step towards the cherished goal.

Instead of a conclusion

Perhaps each of us at least once thought about the fact that we didn’t do something in our life, didn’t become someone, but we could definitely join the national football team, receive the Nobel Prize, head the Parliament of Great Britain, open black holes or get "Oscar". Of course, we could all do something great.

An important point: it happened with the one who did it. The book was written by the one who wrote it, and not the one who "could have written, because he has so many stories and talents." It works both in a career and in a relationship: it will work for the one who will act. Those who try are bound to fail, become discouraged, and fall into depression. But after that, like a phoenix, he is reborn from the ashes, learns from mistakes and tries again. And ultimately celebrates the victory.

If you think of Woody Allen, 80% of success is to appear at the right time in the right place.

Sometimes you just need to come. Just start, try it. Just give it a chance.

Forward to deeds!