5 ways to test your relationship without moving out

It would seem that living together before the wedding is a good way to understand whether the two of you are comfortable, whether you are coping with common problems. But there is one catch. After living together for a while, you get used to the established order. You have pets, things in common, a tightly knit social circle. It's easier to stay together than to end a relationship, even if it has problems. As a result, you get married, because this seems to be a natural development of events. Not because you actually decided to take the relationship to the next level.

In order not to find yourself in such a situation, psychologist Scott Stanley advises to check compatibility before living together.

1. See how your partner behaves with family and friends

Starting to date, many couples forget about everyone else and spend time only together. But it is so difficult to understand how a partner behaves with others. Yes, you have chemistry, you are attracted to each other, but this attraction will not always be so strong. Therefore, it would be good to know how your partner treats other close people. Perhaps in the future it will affect you as well.

When dealing with people you grew up with, old habits often come back. Perhaps, with you, your partner keeps them under control for now, but they will appear later. Just don't jump to conclusions. Almost everyone has conflicts with relatives that do not affect the partner. So look at the general patterns of behavior first.

2. Diversify communication with each other

Usually couples follow the same scenarios: have dinner together, go to the movies, sit at home watching TV. In such predictable conditions, you learn little about a person. But it is important to understand how he copes with surprises, how he acts in a state of stress and outside his comfort zone. Therefore, do something new: go camping, sign up for a volunteer project, participate in something unusual for both of you.

3. Discuss your principles and expectations

To live in harmony, you don't have to agree with your partner in absolutely everything. But you will definitely have a better chance if your core values are the same. So talk about them before you go too far in the relationship. At the beginning of the acquaintance, you can touch them casually, and when you feel that the matter is taking a serious turn, discuss them in more detail.

Are you religious?
Where do you want to live?
Are you ready to move for work?
Do you want to have children?
How important is a career to you?
Will it be a problem if the partner works a lot or travels often on business trips?
Are you planning a budget?
How do you generally behave with money?

Keep two things in mind in these discussions. First, falling in love makes potential sources of conflict seem insignificant. You hope that love will win everything or that your partner will change his mind later. But people rarely change principles and beliefs. So be extremely honest with yourself and your partner. Decide what you are willing to put up with and what you are not.

Secondly, do not forget that it is very difficult to predict your future actions. It may seem to the partner that he will do this and that, but not the fact that he will. Therefore, not only listen to the words about the future, but also look at the behavior now.

4. Plan joint trips

On trips, you can see how a partner behaves with new people and adapts to unexpected situations. But not only the journey itself helps to get to know a person better, but also preparation for him. You will have to plan something together, negotiate, make compromises - in general, work as a team. This is a great compatibility check.

5. Consult a family psychologist

It is useful to talk to him not only when problems have been discovered, but also in advance. It will help you identify potential stumbling blocks, tell you exactly how to strengthen your relationship.

Do not be afraid of such advice. Better to know about something alarming in advance. Perhaps you will realize that you are not yet ready for marriage, or that one of you needs additional psychological help. Or you might even see that this person is not right for you. Better this happens before you get used to each other or have children.