8 reasons not to dwell on your first relationship if it doesn't work out

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Guest author Marina Lysenko invites you to speculate about your first love. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in building a worthwhile relationship without having any experience behind them. But this is not a reason to give up on yourself. Here are some good reasons not to be sad if your first love isn't your only one.

Rarely does anyone manage to build a worthwhile relationship on the first try. There is nothing to be surprised at, because without experience there is no success. Someone thinks that meeting their person right away is a great success, but there are also those who find it too uninteresting. Here are eight reasons to cheer up if your first novel isn't your only one.

The first does not mean the best

The value of something first is overrated. In André Maurois's story "Seasonal Flowers", the protagonist - university professor and literary critic Etienne Carloux - carries flowers to the grave of his deceased wife every Thursday. He has vowed to be faithful to her and does not believe that he will be interested in another woman.

But one day, at the same cemetery, Etienne meets a charming young widow, and a friendship is struck up between them. A new acquaintance reads the books that Etienne recommends to her, and he, in turn, is pleasantly surprised by the maturity and depth of her judgments. So the hero of Maurois, unexpectedly for himself, again experiences feelings and involuntarily notices that this girl suits him more than the departed spouse.

New romance - another candy-bouquet period

My friend, having parted with a guy whom she had met since high school, admitted that, remembering the beginning of their romance, she thought: "Will I never have this again?" And there really was something to be sad about. The beginning of a relationship is a pleasure for both. A man and a woman like each other, but do not openly declare this. They flirt, meet from time to time. They do not quarrel, because between them there is still no resentment and understatement. Their first touches to each other are the most pleasant, because they have not yet become familiar.

This exciting period lasts before the first sex and for some time after. Then people become closer, and their relationship is easier. So take each of your novels as a bonus and an opportunity to enjoy life once again.

Experience will make you wiser

Women who have enough experience with men are not surprised when a partner stops calling and looking for meetings. Those who have already encountered this do not panic, believing that the person does not call because he is busy, lost his phone, ended up in the hospital or died. It is obvious to them that nothing happened to him, except for one thing: the desire to communicate has disappeared.

Your curiosity about the question "What about others?" will be satisfied

It is unlikely that a monogamous person never has the thought of what it is like to meet with another person. Having only one partner in your entire life, you do not learn some curious, and sometimes even unexpected things about the opposite sex. Men, for example, should know that not all women love melodramas, children and compliments, and women - that there are men who are passive in sex, prone to romance and dreaming of a big family.

You realize that it's all about the attitude to the situation

Where people are involved, there will never be objectivity. Each situation can be turned the way the imagination wants it. If desired, a tactful attitude can easily be mistaken for sympathy, and indifferent - for a desire to hide emotions. Thinking about how this or that person treats you is a waste of time.

If your partner shows disrespect for your wishes, does not keep his word, or is contemptuous of your profession, the situation will not change. The question is, are you willing to accept it and for how long. In the first relationship, you have the stupidity to look for excuses and hope for a change for the better. With experience, you come to the conclusion that it is pointless to expect a change in someone's character.

Breakups will temper you

The first parting is more difficult for you than the subsequent ones. Suffice it to recall the story of Ivan Bunin "Mitya's Love". Mitya, having left his girlfriend Katya for the village, falls into love addiction. His mood is influenced by her letters, and if they are not there, he goes crazy. If Mitya had found the strength to survive this period of melancholy and despair, he would have perceived further failures in his personal life easier.

Mental torment hardens character, and over time, a person learns to switch attention to work, sports, and friends. And then the emotional state becomes more stable.

You will learn to let go

My friend, having parted with her first boyfriend, announced that he was a scoundrel and a fool, because he did not want to be with her. I asked her:

- Nastya, do you want to date that elderly man?

- Of course not! - she was indignant.

- So you are, it turns out, a fool?

She was not ready to admit that she was. The fact that the two broke up means only that they no longer fit together.

You will gain emotional independence

Many are interested in the new passions of former partners. About five years ago, I could spend hours looking at photos of Lenochek, Anechek and Olenek on social networks (for some reason they all had affectionate nicknames), comparing them to myself and looking for flaws in them. Over time, heightened interest gave way to lazy curiosity.

So if a few years ago you went crazy over someone you don't care about now, then today's jealousy will turn into indifference. I do not react so painfully to the girls of ex-guys. And I even recognize some as pretty.