How to restrain yourself and not yell at your child

Every adequate parent understands perfectly well that yelling at children is not a method of upbringing. This is an admission of one's own weakness, it is dishonest, wrong, and generally “futakim”. And yet, sometimes we break loose and scream, swear, stamp our feet and scream. Then we are ashamed, we feel sorry for the child, we blame ourselves, we try to somehow smooth over this moment, we look for excuses for ourselves. “Well, I’m just so tired, but here …”, “Well, it was just my favorite dress!”, “Well, he just didn’t listen to me otherwise!”

Or maybe you need to "well, just" in time to pull yourself together and not get frustrated? Here are some ways to help moms and dads whose children often piss off their parents.

Codeword

Think of an abstract word for yourself that means you're on the edge and about to lose your temper. For example, in our family this word is "fufandi". This is an "SOS" signal for other relatives: my mother is furious and will now oo-very swear if she is not helped. This is also a signal for the child: the games are over, if you do not stop immediately, then heavy artillery will be used. This is a serious warning, it means that someone has screwed up very well and must immediately fix it.

Barbie, what are you doing ?

Swear at the child's favorite toy, not at himself. At the same time, defiantly do not pay attention to your child at this time. Let the child see how mom or dad angrily shakes the bear and asks him: “Who did this ?! I'm asking you, who did it? Did you paint the entire wall? How many times have you been told that you cannot do this! On the one hand, you let off some steam and calm down a little. On the other hand, the child understands perfectly well that it was he who committed the offense, and not the bear at all. Finally, listening to your appeal to the toy, the child better perceives the meaning of your words, because they seem to be scolded as if they are not him, he does not have to make excuses and be afraid of a slap on the butt.

We swear in a whisper

Imagine that you have a sore throat or that someone is sleeping behind a wall and cannot be woken up. Shout in a whisper - the child will understand that you are very angry, but at the same time he will not be shocked and frightened by your screams.

Express the negativity in a different way

Feeling that you are about to explode, transfer your anger to some physical action. For example, bang a spoon on a saucepan, squeeze something in your hand until it hurts, or kick a wall with your foot. Just don't hit the wall with your fist - it's checked, it hurts a lot.

Che cazzo … ?

If you speak a foreign language, shout out the first, most offensive and unconstructive swearing in it. If you are not 100% bilingual and do not have outstanding talents, then it will not be so easy for you to translate Russian language into another language. This will require effort, redirect your raging energy in a different direction, at the same time, it will allow you to speak out from the heart, and most importantly, it will not injure the child.

Snarl

In order not to utter words that are dangerous to children's ears, sometimes it is better to just growl. Or howl. Sometimes it’s better to look like an idiot than to do things that you’ll regret later.

Put yourself in the shoes of a child

Imagine, only very brightly, that you are now standing over the fragments of your father's favorite cup. This is you pouring the contents of the pot into the indoor flower. It was you who poured water into the condom and are now aiming in front of the open window. And then there are angry steps in the corridor, the door swings open, your heart falls somewhere, your hands do not obey and … and now return to your parental seat again. Do you still want to, splashing saliva and rolling your eyes, shout out all those words that are spinning on the tongue in the face of this child?

Don't build up annoyance

Walk and inspire myself for days: I am calm. I'll be patient. And then I'll be patient. And once more through "I can not" - this is not an option. The spring cannot be squeezed endlessly, sooner or later it will straighten out and bump into your loved ones. If at some point the child begins to permanently annoy and enrage you, then the problem is almost certainly not in him, but in you. Take a break urgently, take a bath, go somewhere: a movie, a concert, shopping, gatherings with friends, at worst just leave the house and walk alone. Switch to something, explain to your family that this is not a whim, but an urgent need to maintain a normal climate in the family.

Finally, don't forget the good old "Count to 10" rule. As corny as a colander, and it works in much the same way. Before demonstrating the full power of your vocal cords, close your eyes and just count to ten silently. Then speak. Superfluous words and emotions "flow away", the head will clear up. And the child, if he is already of a conscious age, will realize that if the mother suddenly fell silent and closed her eyes, then everything is serious.

Good luck and patience in raising children, and your children - health!