How to stop worrying about mistakes and start growing

How long have you been tormented by the memories of your failures? Do you feel like you will lose your credibility forever if you say something stupid one day? Can a person change for the better, develop his talent, intellect and moral qualities? A lot depends on the answers to these simple questions.

Do you want to be a genius? Become one

Many are sure that at birth we get a strictly defined amount of intelligence, abilities and talent - an invariable set of qualities that we will have to live with until the very end. This is the fixed mindset.

A person with such a position is constantly trying to prove his superiority to others. He only cares about how he looks in the eyes of others: smart or stupid, gifted or mediocre.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have outstanding qualities, but the fixed mindset does not realize that they can be cultivated. Therefore, any failure is perceived as a disaster, and the mistake made is perceived as an indelible stigma.

The stronger the fear of failure, the less we are willing to put in the effort and learn new things.

People who are focused on growth perceive themselves quite differently. They understand that the qualities that nature has endowed us with are just a starting point for further development. Once you accept this attitude, you will no longer be intimidated by the difficulties and possible setbacks on the path to success.

Don't underestimate the power of effort. Edison, as his biographer Paul Israel assures, was quite a typical child, but incredible curiosity, passion for invention and self-improvement made him different from the rest. But could Mozart, who undoubtedly possessed talent, could write at least one masterpiece without hard work, from which even his fingers were deformed?

Exercise 1

Is there anything in your past life that you think has branded you? For example, a failed exam? Someone's betrayal? Dismissal from work? Or maybe your feelings were rejected?

Focus on this event. Feel the emotions that it caused in you then. Now look at everything from a growth mindset. Honestly assess your role in what happened and realize that it cannot serve as a measure of your intelligence or your personality. And just ask yourself, “What lesson have I learned (or can I learn) from this experience? How can I use it as a base for growth? And may this thought always accompany you.

Exercise 2

Think about who you consider your hero. What is he? Do you think he has exceptional ability and easily achieves everything? Now find out how things are in reality. Find out what incredible effort it cost him his achievements. And start admiring the person even more.

A few examples from the world of sports

It would seem that in sports everything depends on natural data. If you do not fit in physical parameters, then you will not see success. Have you heard of NBA player Mugsy Bogs, whose height is 160 centimeters? Do you know the one-armed baseball player Pete Gray who made it to the Major Leagues?

The size of the fist, the length of the arm, the volume of the chest and the weight of Mohammed Ali indicated that he would definitely not make a great fighter. Michael Jordan was expelled from the school team in his youth, and then was not accepted into the college team.

What helped all of these athletes become the best of the best? Only a growth mindset and hard work.

Great athletes know that you can't always win. Defeat for them is not the end of the game, but just an incentive to develop, gain new knowledge and practice skills.

One day Minnesota Vikings defender Jim Marshall randomly scored the ball for the opposing team. It was seen by millions of viewers live! The athlete, by his own admission, was burning with shame. A person with a fixed mindset would give up and revel in his shame for a long time. But Marshall tried to correct the mistake during the second half and had a brilliant game. Failure was a challenge for him!

Exercise # 3

Think of a sport that you would like to do, but you have always thought that you will not succeed. How can you know in advance about failure without putting in maximum effort? Some of the best athletes in the world weren't all that good at their discipline at first. If you dream of doing a sport, try investing in it and see the results.

How to develop a growth mindset in your child

Scientists have conducted an interesting study. First, they asked the children to complete simple tasks from the IQ test. Most coped with the task, and some of the guys were praised for their intelligence, and others for their efforts.

Before the experiment, the success of the subjects was the same. But then there were differences. Those who were praised for intelligence refused to undertake more difficult tasks when given a choice. They were afraid that they would show themselves not at all so smart. It took only one phrase to set them up for a given!

Children from the second group were much more interested in new tasks.

This experiment demonstrates how important it is to praise effort, not personality.

The psychological attitude of the child depends on what you say. It, in turn, affects academic success (and not only).

Psychologists have noticed that the performance of children with a fixed mindset plummets as they move to high school, and then continues to deteriorate. It would seem that everything is clear: objects are becoming more complex, requirements are getting tougher. But students with a growth mindset, on the other hand, have higher grades.

For schoolchildren with a fixed mindset, this period is a great challenge. Here's what worries them: “Am I smart or dumb? Am I cool or nerdy? Am I a winner or a loser? " Of course, they are trying to defend themselves. The brightest students just stop working because they don't want to take risks. After all, they believe that adults are trying to measure their abilities. And if you didn't make an effort, then you always have consolation: "I just didn't try."

For schoolchildren with a growth mindset, there is no point in choosing this strategy. For them, adolescence is a time of opportunity.

Exercise 4

Every word and action of a parent sends a signal to the child. Tomorrow, listen carefully to what you will say to the child, and catch the messages inherent in your words. What information do they carry? That the child's qualities are invariable and do you evaluate them? Or that you are interested in developing it?

Remember that by praising a child's intelligence or talent, you are imposing a fixed mindset on him. Don't do this, no matter how great the temptation is. Such praise undermines the child's self-esteem and motivation.

The secret to a successful relationship

Not only professional success depends on psychological attitudes, but also the nature of relations with others: relatives, friends and lovers. For example, consider a romantic relationship. A person with a fixed mind thinks something like this: “Either my partner fully understands me and shares all my views, or he does not suit me. Either our feelings are perfect, or they are worthless. Not surprisingly, at the same time, any little thing can ruin everything.

People with a growth mindset understand a few simple truths:

Relationships need to develop, and this requires an effort.
All people are able to work on their shortcomings and change for the better.
Disagreement in views is not a catastrophe, but a reason for dialogue.

We all have quarrels. But look at how differently you can react to them! The fixed mindset is very easy to label. In their opinion, either the opponent or they themselves are not good enough. There is no third. This position only leads to mutual accusations, insults and self-flagellation.

At the same time, those who are in the mood for growth try to intelligently resolve the conflict and draw conclusions that will help both partners develop.

Exercise # 5

Imagine a perfect love affair. This means that between you there should be complete compatibility in everything, right? No disagreement, no compromise, no effort or sacrifice? Yes? Then please think again.

Friction arises in any relationship. Try to look at them in terms of the growth mindset: problems can be a means of achieving better understanding and greater intimacy.

Let your partner make a complaint. Listen to them carefully and discuss them patiently and kindly. You will be surprised how much closer you get to each other after that.