You have learned that you will become a father. What to do next

how to be and what to do

1. Respond correctly

Men think that fatherhood begins after the birth of a baby. But this is not the case. Recent research shows that father's health and behavior can affect the baby, too, even before conception.

But it is still not customary for men to speak openly about their attitude towards pregnancy. Meanwhile, the first words after the news about pregnancy are remembered forever.

How to proceed

Support your partner, no matter how panic and desire to return to a carefree childhood overwhelmed you. Even if the pregnancy is planned, most likely, the expectant mother is scared no less. If it happens unexpectedly, support is even more valuable. Let the woman know that you will agree with her in any decision.

What not to do

Panic and make important decisions at the same time. This can happen instinctively, especially if the pregnancy is unplanned. Amanda Jane Miller, professor of social sciences at Indianapolis University, USA, interviewed 61 men with Cohabiting Men’s Preferences for and Roles in Determining the Outcomes of Unexpected Pregnancies and asked about their reaction if their partner unexpectedly became pregnant. The answers were different. Men offered to leave the choice to the woman, insisted on keeping the child, or, conversely, on abortion. But it's definitely not worth discussing in the first seconds after the news.

2. Make a schedule

"Time manager for dads" - such an application would be a success in the market. Men will take multitasking to the next level even before the baby is born. According to this indicator, being a father is much cooler than a minibus driver during rush hour. Visits to doctors, home improvement, buying necessities - this is an incomplete list of new worries. And this is without the item “tell the news to all relatives”.

How to proceed

Plan time so that there is enough time to help your partner, study parenting information, and play sports. They write a lot about fatherhood today Read about fatherhood in Russian in different languages Read about fatherhood in English. Exercise is optional, but with preparation it is easier to get up at night and turn into a horse or slide for your toddler. Don't forget about humor 10 things no one tells you before you become a father. Even when you change the color of the wallpaper in the nursery for the fifth time in a week.

What not to do

Postpone preparation for later. Nine months looks like a long time only at first glance. Time will fly by, and after the birth of a baby it will be difficult to make up for lost time.

3. Save money

Money will never be enough - one of the main rules of parenting comes into force immediately after the news of pregnancy. Of course, the costs How much it costs to become a mother in Russia depends on each specific case, but they will be, and this is a fact.

How to proceed

Try to save at least the minimum amount that will come in handy in an emergency. It will definitely not be possible to buy everything in advance, therefore, immediately after the birth of the baby, savings will be very useful.

What not to do

Go too far. Do not give your work all the time: for your partner, it is often more expensive than money. The good news is that most of the world's fathers are not millionaires. And many of them are great parents.

- Could you take the test results?

4. Be patient. And mark the convenience stores with food on the map

The body of a woman during pregnancy is a volcano What happens to your body during pregnancy? hormone that is ready to erupt in tears, screams, laughter or anger. And all this within a few minutes. So don't be surprised if she bursts into tears at the sight of Daenerys on the dragon or laughs at the Dexter episode.

How to proceed

Show participation and respect. Remember that a woman's well-being changes dramatically, and symptoms can vary from swollen gums to gritty eyes. And she needs support first of all.

It is likely that your partner will want strawberry ice cream at 5am, and this will be as important as a doctor's checkup. Get ready to explore the area and catering applications well.

- I really want ice cream …

What not to do

Argue and prove your case. During pregnancy, every little thing can become incredibly important, and a harmless argument turns into a serious conflict.

5. Do not plan the gender of the child

There are many legends about why men want a son, and dozens of scientific papers have been written Gender Bias in Offspring Preference: Sons Still a Higher Priority, But Only in Men - Women Prefer Daughters. Here you both dream of Study of the Day: Why Men Want Sons and Women Want Daughters about a great dynasty (even if you are Ivanov, not Lannister), and fear Does every dad secretly want a boy? Why a primal desire still matters before women, and the subconscious desire to Do Fathers Prefer Sons? avoid divorce.

And also the choice of gender is a question that gave rise to countless theories of It’s a boy! The science of gender selection. For example: if there are a lot of bananas during pregnancy, then a boy will be born. Or: sex is influenced by sexual position at the time of conception. All of them lack reliable evidence. The only accurate way is in vitro fertilization. But in the EU countries, for example, even in this case it is forbidden to choose a gender.

How to proceed

Understand that the gender of the baby is not a reason for conflict. Focus on the support and health of the unborn child, whether it is a boy or a girl.

- Who do you want, a boy or a girl?

What not to do

Insist on the child's desired gender, even if test results suggest otherwise. Such stubbornness can lead to conflicts and negatively affect the health of the woman and baby.

6. Don't say goodbye to your friends

Fathers-to-be will regularly hear questions like, "Why not take your child with you on a two-week trip?" It will take a while for men to rebuild relationships with friends, but that doesn't mean you will be alone.

How to proceed

Set priorities and tell your comrades directly about it. This will save everyone from embarrassing situations.

What not to do

Throw a goodbye childless party. Ultimately, after the birth of a child, friends will not go anywhere, they will support you and find time to meet. And if not, then it was a fake friendship.

7. Have sex

Pregnancy is not a disease, and sex does not disappear from life after the news of fatherhood. Moreover, the importance of intimacy will only grow: it will show the woman that she is just as attractive to you.

The question is how much the attitude towards sex will change. Some men like pregnant women (the popularity of the genre of "pregnant" porn will surprise you From Fertility Goddess To ‘Fat Cow’: The Weird World Of Pregnancy Porn), some, on the contrary, feel fear and dislike. According to psychologists, Pregnant And He Doesn’t Want Sex Or Closeness? This Could Be Why …, the reason lies in the subconscious: after the news of pregnancy, a man realizes that now he is not the only object of adoration of his partner, and this reduces libido.

Changes in women also take place in different ways. It usually happens like this: in the first and second trimester, due to toxicosis and other phenomena, the libido peacefully rests in oblivion, and in the third, on the contrary, desire returns and can flare up with renewed vigor.

How to proceed

The main thing here is dialogue and the desire to find a compromise. During pregnancy, care and emotional comfort are especially important for women, so you can suggest a change of environment:

What not to do

Take offense and hush up problems if they arise. A woman may really be uncomfortable, but this does not mean that you suddenly turned into Australopithecus in her eyes:

- Do you want to talk about it?

Why is a man important during pregnancy?

The role of the man in the pregnancy and childbirth process is really important. Scientists confirm Positive Health Outcomes Of Fathers' Involvment In Pregnancy And Childbirth Paternal Support: A Scope Study Literature Review, that the participation and assistance of men before the birth of a baby has a positive effect on the health of all family members. In addition, men who helped a woman before giving birth are likely to continue to do so after. This will affect the little ones too: the children will have good results from The Importance of Fathers in their studies and social development.

Women expect more involvement from men. A study in Africa showed Male Partner's Role during Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery: Expectations of Pregnant women in Nigeria that 82.4% of women surveyed want to visit doctors with a partner. 84.4% of expectant mothers would like help with household chores. This shows how important the role of a man in parenting is today, even before the birth of a child. In Scandinavian countries, such as Denmark, Positive Health Outcomes Of Fathers' Involvment In Pregnancy And Childbirth Paternal Support: A Scope Study Literature Review, men understood this and 80% of fathers surveyed said they had attended parent training courses. We hope that this practice will become common in all countries.

conclusions

Whatever decision you make about the future of the child, the first reaction should be the support of the woman.

Take time to help your partner and study parenting information.

Think about savings, but don't get hung up on finances.

Be sympathetic to a woman's mood swings.

The health of the baby and the expectant mother is of paramount importance, the gender of the child is not the main thing.

Don't give up on friends, but prioritize.

Don't forget about the intimate side of the relationship.

With the news of pregnancy, a lot changes, but life certainly does not end there. Men can enjoy the best moments with their mother-to-be and discover new aspects of existence that they never knew about before.