Who are cuckolds and why do they like cheating partners

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Infidelity doesn't always bring suffering. Sometimes it is a special kind of erotic pleasure.

What does cuckold mean?

Since the Middle Ages, cuckolds have been contemptuously called cuckold husbands who are unaware that they are raising children from other men. The offensive word was invented in England, changing the name of the bird - the cuckoo, which is known for its manner of tossing eggs into other people's nests.

In our era, the old insult has acquired a new meaning. Cuckolding is when you get sexual pleasure from cheating on a regular partner. A cuckold man gets turned on by watching his woman - sex-waif (from English sex wife) - make love to another.

There is a separate term for a cuckold woman, cuckquean, but the feminitive has not yet taken root in Russian. You need to understand that such a girl does not just endure betrayal of a partner, but, on the contrary, encourages them and actively participates in the choice of a mistress.

What do the cuckolds do

Cuckolding is not swinging, where voluntary exchange of partners takes place. In this case, one of the couple (usually a man) does not participate in the sexual act, but only observes it from the side.

At the same time, the cuckold is not a voyeur who spies on love games in secret. He is, one might say, the initiator and the main spectator. Everything happens only with his permission and approval.

Cuckolding scenarios are different. Sometimes the husband is personally present when his wife is cheating - with the consent of the third participant in the action. And vice versa. Other couples agree that sex-waif or her male counterpart will send photos and text messages from the "scene." But often cuckolds are content with detailed stories from partners about how it went. The more detail, the better.

Regardless of the implementation, "left" ties are possible only with the consent of both partners and absolute trust between them. If you start running out on dates secretly from half or fall in love with the other, this is no longer cuckolding, but a real betrayal.

Why you might like cuckolding

Collecting material for the book Tell Me What You Want, social psychologist Justin Lemiller found that 79% of men and 62% of women arouse thoughts of open relationships. At the same time, 58% of the surveyed guys and a third of the girls admitted that they have erotic fantasies on the topic “I spy on how my partner makes love to another person”.

It would seem that thoughts of cheating should cause negative emotions, and not a surge of sexual desire. But this is only at first glance. There are at least five factors that can turn infidelity into pleasure.

1. Biological scenario

In his book Insatiable Wives, clinical psychologist David Jay Leigh puts forward the theory that male cuckolding is involved in evolutionary mechanisms.

An explosion of libido is a natural reaction to the threat that a woman attractive to you may conceive offspring from another man. The reproductive system begins to work at full capacity, delivering high doses of testosterone. Passionate sex with a cheater, powerful orgasm - and now your sperm takes over the genetic material of your opponent. You are a triumphant in the race for procreation, and therefore for immortality.

Even if you use modern contraception and do not plan to have children in the coming years, the scenario laid down tens of thousands of years ago still works flawlessly. Men-cuckolds, without realizing it, use it to get aroused and get incomparable pleasure.

2. Compersion

The pleasure of cheating on regular partners can be associated with a feeling of compersion, inaccessible to many - the ability to feel euphoria from the fact that a loved one is good with someone else. Compversion is the opposite of jealousy, and all successful examples of polyamorous relationships are based on it.

3. Breaking the taboo

The libido is often triggered by the thought that your couple is breaking a taboo - in this case, undermining the foundations of a monogamous marriage. And the forbidden always attracts and excites.

4. Addiction to BDSM

Couples who practice BDSM can also enjoy cuckolding. Men and women who enjoy the submissive role enjoy the feeling of rejection. And if the partner additionally insults them in the process of cheating, this can exacerbate emotions even more.

The main reward awaits the cuckolds, when, after all the humiliations they have experienced, the mistress or master will still return to the bedroom and condescend to have sex with a slave or slave.

5. Sense of control and possession

Some cuckolds, on the other hand, are turned on by a sense of control. More often this applies to the stronger sex. A man generously “shares” his girlfriend, feeling not humiliation, but pride in the fact that he owns the treasure that rivals dream of getting. In this case, it is important that the sex-wife reports as much as possible about her experience. And in no case did she fall in love with another, remembering who her real master was.

Who is cuckolding suitable for?

If both partners genuinely accept the rules of the game, research shows that cuckolding can even improve relationships. Some couples note that with the transition to conscious betrayal, they began to trust each other more and can discuss literally everything in the world.

However, the authors of the same study warn that if you have sexual fantasies about open relationships, this does not mean that they need to be implemented.

It is one thing to imagine that a loved one is having sex with someone other than you (knowing that it is not), and quite another - if something like this happens in reality, even with your consent. There is a great risk that the sensations will not be pleasant. And finding a third participant who would agree to the role of an extra is not so easy.

David Jay Leigh clinical psychologist, author of The Insatiable Wives

Alas, many people over-idealize their sexual fantasies. And when they try to implement them, they are shocked by their own unexpected reaction.