How to calm anger and why it is important to do it

Anger and anger are extremely unpleasant emotions that often interfere with life and destroy relationships. It doesn't take much effort to get rid of them. One has only to try to look at the situation from a different angle, to understand and forgive the person who offended you. Then you can calm down and stop torturing yourself.

Where does anger come from?

To overcome anger, you first need to understand what this feeling is and where it comes from. We can say that feelings depend on the system of motivation, they show how well needs are being satisfied. When needs are not met, you feel bad. And the stronger the need, the worse it will be for you.

When plans are thwarted by circumstances, you experience irritation that turns into discouragement. You cannot change anything and it makes you feel bad. But if a person interfered with the implementation of your plans, then you feel anger towards him, since he is the reason for the dissatisfaction of your need.

In the distant past, the increased activity and aggressive behavior characteristic of anger was beneficial. If you have to solve the conflict by force, with a fight and screaming, then this can be useful in our time. But in the civilized world, problems are rarely solved with the use of physical force, so the feeling of anger is often useless.

You will most likely try to forget the situation in which you experienced anger, try to get it out of your head, so as not to experience negative emotions again. But when you are, the memory will come back and torment you again.

Analyze the situation itself. What did this person do wrong to you? Is it as important now as it was at that moment?

If not, try to forgive him. But if your anger was completely justified, and his act turned out to be unforgivable and vile, then you will need a different strategy.

Why understanding and forgiving is the only option

Forgiveness is a universal way of dealing with a situation. First of all, it is important for the one who forgives, because it frees him from the negativity that eats away from the inside.

When you are angry with someone for a long period of time, it is because you remember the hurtful situation in detail and keep replaying it in your head. The detailed memory is perceived as a repetition of the event, and the feeling of anger reappears.

So if someone tells you, “I have forgiven but have not forgotten,” do not believe him. Forgiveness helps to forget the details of the event, therefore, the person ceases to experience it over and over again. Forgiveness and forgetting go hand in hand.

Just because you have forgiven a person does not mean that your relationship is the same. Maybe you will be disappointed in him and will no longer trust him, but at least you will stop being angry.

Create distance

What about a situation where you just can't forgive someone? Does this mean that all your life you will remember the details of a quarrel or an ugly act and fan the fire of hatred inside? Not at all necessary.

The depth and strength of the emotional response to a particular person depends on how close you take everything. When you are angry, you constantly replay in your head a case when you were offended. This is such a kind of mental gum.

Try to move away from this situation. When it reappears in your head, imagine that it happened to one of your friends, and not to you. As a result, you will be able to look at the circumstances in a more abstract way. You will distance yourself from disturbing details, which will help calm your head as well.

Take a different perspective

Anger forces us to think narrowly. When you are very angry with someone, you miss out on the opportunities that situation opens up for you.

There is a good phrase: "If life gives you lemon, make lemonade out of it." You may not change your mind about the person, but you can look at the situation from a different angle and learn a useful lesson.

You can also try to understand the person you are angry with. When we do an ugly act, we justify our behavior by the circumstances. If someone else is mistaken, then we explain this by the fact that he has such a character. For example, we consider the thief to be dishonest, evil and insidious by default and do not consider the circumstances that led him to theft: lack of money, lack of proper upbringing, difficult childhood, and so on.

By putting yourself in the shoes of the person you are angry with, you can see a number of circumstances that led them to do this. You may still disagree that he did the right thing and that it was the only possible option, but at least you will stop considering him pure evil. It will be easier for you to forgive and forget this situation.

Releasing intense anger is difficult, but you need to do it. When we are under the influence of strong negative emotions, we rarely make good decisions, especially at work. Anger can harm not only others, but also ourselves.

Therefore, as soon as you calm down a little and notice the emotions seething inside, try to get rid of them as soon as possible.

What helps you calm down?